To be a bit upset about this at a toddler session?

[myfavouritedinosaur]

I take my two year old to a toddler group - it isn’t stay and play, it’s a structured session with a group leader. I’ve been going for four years (two children) so I know the group leader fairly well.

It was a new venue yesterday and the toilets were next to the room we were in. My DD had a runny nose so I went to get her a tissue and the door to the main room closed after me. It locked and you needed a code to get in. I was knocking on the door for ages but no one could hear me. It was the end of the session before people started leaving and I could get back in! Anyway, the group leader didn’t say a word, was just packing away.

I do get that it wasn’t her fault but surely she should have realised I’d been gone for a while? And show some concern? I also feel it’s her session, surely some responsibility to manage the building / warn people about the doors etc. I just feel a bit upset my two year old was on her own for a fair chunk of the session and no one seemed to notice or care I’d vanished.

I understand that and have no issue with safety precautions but if a safety measure is in place it should ideally make everyone safer and not be there just for lip service. So in terms of safety in this issue my two year old was less safe as a result!

You didn't get thanked.

I used to do gymnastics sessions with DD when she was a toddler. I would definitely have mentioned to someone if I was leaving the room without her, at least another mum. I think you need to take some of the blame for this too.

Usually with children that young you'd take them with you, or at least indicate to the group leader or another mum you were going and ask them to keep an eye on your child. They would have then noticed a long absence.
Because where an activity doesn't involve you leaving you're expected to be as fully responsible at all times as you'd be if you were with them at the park, for example. Perhaps the leader was a bit put out at with you for not following the etiquette and so didn't say anything and left it as a lesson learned.

No, I wasn’t going to the toilet. I was getting a tissue.

I mean, I’m guessing as a childminder you don’t take all the children with you when you go from your lounge into the kitchen? It’s that sort of thing, a room and a toilet next to it.

Yes, hence taking the child to the bathroom to get the tissue, blow her nose, flush (or bin!) the tissue and wash hands. Instead of leaving child unattended and then wiping a snotty nose and being left with the dirty tissue in the middle of a class.

I wonder if the leader thought you were longer because you were taking a call or gone to the loo and didn't thank you for coming because they thought you'd purposely missed 15 minutes of the session.

I do think you need to mention that you were locked out, to stop it happening again.

I didnt say you were using the toilet.

My private home is different to a public building with strangers and a child left without an adult who is in charge of her.

Maybe she did but still, fifteen minutes is a long time. And being charitable you’d expect an ‘are you OK’ sort of response?

I was a bit shaken to be honest. I felt like an idiot, my DD was upset and I was unsettled by it all. It’s unnerving being separated from your child when there’s nothing you can do about it even though logically I knew she was safe.

The teacher will have assumed you had a terrible case of diarrhoea and probably decided not to embarrass you by asking.

If you didn’t mention the locked door then that will have been the only explanation.

Well, why would I need to wash my hands and flush the toilet for just getting a tissue? Sorry, I’m not being difficult, I genuinely don’t know why I surely needed to flush the toilet when I didn’t use it!

Of course your home is different but nipping from one room to another isn’t. I didn’t leave the building, it was just ‘oh, DDs nose is a bit runny’ so got a tissue to wipe it, come straight back - only I couldn’t. Had I been able to open the door as normal it would have been a ten second job, literally maybe five steps there and five back.

The leader might have thought you were in the toilet yourself and so it can come of rude to ask about your absence if you had an upset stomach etc.

She should be aware people can get locked out.

I do understand the upset and panic about not being able to get back in.

If the teacher knows you and knows you don't usually wander off then she probably assumed toilet troubles so obviously wanted to give you a bit of time and privacy. Had your daughter become very upset, or had you been gone longer I imagine she would have become concerned.

Although the 15 min probably seemed very long to you, ot probably only seemed like a few minutes to those busy in the room.

I can see why you're upset but I don't think you should stop you going back to a class you've been going to for years and which (presumably) you've always enjoyed.

Sorry but you should have taken her with you. I know it can be a pain, but I have visited and/or worked in dozens of children’s centres and similar venues and it is always the rule that you supervise your own child unless they are signed into a creche or similar. Or that you have explicitly asked permission from another mum or the leader to look after your child while you are in the loo, but even that is probably not quite following the rules of the venue.

It must have been upsetting to be trapped in the hallway but even worse would have been for the fire bell to ring and the group to exit via an external fire door with you still left in the corridor.

Perhaps email the organiser or the centre to say that some notices are needed?

@myfavouritedinosaur dirty tissues are better flushed so the viral particles aren’t released as they dry. Otherwise, a lidded bin. And you should wash hands after nose blowing, same reason.

I know she was setting up but I think you made the mistake in going away upset and not mentioning the door situation.
I think it is bad you were locked out for so long, but I don't really understand what the nature of the group is. You mention having a leader and it's structured - so if all the kids are sat in a circle or waiting their turn for an activity then surely they are being watched by other parents or the leader?
Also did you not say to another parent or the leader I am nipping out to get a tissue, can you just keep an eye on Betty? Even if nipping out briefly I would have mentioned it to someone.
As others have said, maybe they didn't notice you have gone for so long.
I would have mentioned it to the leader though so that she is aware to say to parents to let her know if popping out so she can make sure she keeps an eye on the door to let people back in.
I think it's a bit dramatic to not want to go again over one issue. Also why would you expect a thank you each time? Maybe a bye, see you next time but I wouldn't expect to be thanked each time (e.g. I wouldn't go to the hairdressers and expect to be thanked for coming each time).

All those saying "it's not the teacher's job" are bonkers. It IS her job. If parents are supposed to be supervising it is her job to notice when they're not. It's not like it was really busy when OP got back. People were leaving and there was an unattended child in the room and the teacher hasn't noticed. Presumably, she would have done before she left but what if the child had hidden under a table and she didn't. What if OP was lying unconscious in the bathroom? What if there was a building evacuation e.g a fire? "Sorry, it's the parent's responsibility not mine" wouldn't really cut it then, would it?

I take my DS to a Sunday school class with about 5 other children, all with parents. We are still counted in and out for exactly these kinds of scenarios. "Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility" and all that!

But surely, even if you were only leaving the room for a a moment, you wouldn't leave a two year old on their own? You'd say to the nearest other parent, or the group leader that you were nipping to the toilet to grab some tissues and could they keep an eye on them for you. And then someone would have been aware you were gone. I think you are just cross with yourself and looking to blame someone else.

And why on earth would the group leader thank you for coming? Surely you as the parent would thank them for running the session?

It sounds like a leader led playgroup and I expect there is something to say that children remain the responsibility of the parent.
It isn't a drop and go where the teacher has a set ratio of children and is monitoring them as the parents are there (that's my interpretation of the group).

If an internal door is on a magalock, it automatically releases when a fire alarm goes off.
OP, I’m confused here. Why did you leave your DD in the room when you left the room? You did so because it was quicker, and was safe to leave her with other people presumably. I’m also stunned that after 15 minutes of banging on a door to a room full of people no one heard you.

I think you've had some unsympathetic responses here OP - if that had happened to me, I'd have been left quite shaken up. Being locked out of a place, with your child inside, would naturally give rise to feelings of panic. 15mins would feel like a long time in this situation.

Plus nobody heard you knocking - is the group really noisy? It's an issue if people can't get to a loo without being locked out of the room - and this does need raising with the group leader.

you could have been in the loo for that time though?

With hindsight it would have been better to bring her child but obviously she didn’t think the door would lock and so she’d be gone less than a minute.

There was a thread the other day about how relaxed other countries are compared to here. I think this is an example of it.

But would you leave your child in the room whilst you left the room, without telling anyone?

OP, it’s ridiculous not to have raised it with her at the end of the session, especially if it’s a new venue — she needs to flag it up to all parents attending all classes at this venue. ‘She didn’t look like she wanted feedback’ is juvenile and passive-aggressive because it made you feel ‘unimportant’.

No, obviously it shouldn’t have happened, and absolutely understandable you felt panicked, but for god’s sake flag it with the teacher, rather than being silently upset and angry.