To be a bit upset about this at a toddler session?

[myfavouritedinosaur]

I take my two year old to a toddler group - it isn’t stay and play, it’s a structured session with a group leader. I’ve been going for four years (two children) so I know the group leader fairly well.

It was a new venue yesterday and the toilets were next to the room we were in. My DD had a runny nose so I went to get her a tissue and the door to the main room closed after me. It locked and you needed a code to get in. I was knocking on the door for ages but no one could hear me. It was the end of the session before people started leaving and I could get back in! Anyway, the group leader didn’t say a word, was just packing away.

I do get that it wasn’t her fault but surely she should have realised I’d been gone for a while? And show some concern? I also feel it’s her session, surely some responsibility to manage the building / warn people about the doors etc. I just feel a bit upset my two year old was on her own for a fair chunk of the session and no one seemed to notice or care I’d vanished.

If others were leaving, she had probably done her big, "Thank you all for coming" type thing at the end. You probably just missed it. She wouldn't repeat it for everyone individually unless someone came directly up to her to speak, surely.

I honestly don’t think people are understanding the proximity to the room. It would have been stranger to have taken her with me when I would have bene gone for ten seconds max and quite disruptive as she’d probably have protested.

The toilets are next to the bin; I put something in the bin at the beginning of the session, I didn’t take my child with me to put something in the bin either.

@IrrationallyAngry i do say thank you … but it is a paying group, she isn’t a volunteer, and it isn’t cheap.

It isn’t her job to be my keeper or my child’s and I don’t expect it to be - but because of the door situation not being noticed it meant my child was unsupervised.

Anyway, thanks for feedback. It’s made me feel unsettled and I suppose like I’m not valued and neither is DD, which feels a bit odd given the length of time we’ve been going and all the proclamations of how important each and every client is to her and how welcome we all are and how good it is to see us … instagram hey 😅

I think it is up to the group leader to explain in advance that the toilets are behind a locked door that you won’t be able to get back in from. Especially as it is a new venue to you. There should be a note on that door to say.

I would be unhappy if this happened to me and I would complain to the group leader (or activity owner if there is one) and to the building owners.

Separating a mum from a two-year old for 15 minutes is unacceptable.

But you still haven't acknowledged you could have told someone you were nipping out. Regardless of how close the toilet is to the room you were still leaving your child, however briefly, out of your eye sight. A quick, I'm just getting some tissues, would have meant someone would know you were out of the room (though maybe they would also just assume you needed longer in the bathroom and saying you needed tissues might have been a cover for something else).

She probably thought you had toilet issues, she’s not going to come over and ask if you’re okay, she wouldn’t want to highlight it and embarrass you.
I don’t really get why you expect her to thank you for coming to the class? I go to baby sensory every week and I always thank the leader for running a lovely session, i don’t expect her to thank me. Did you thank her?
I get that this situation was frustrating and annoying for you, but I think not wanting to go back next week is a bit daft.

I think posters are being a bit unfair here. I can definitely see how this happened and 15 minutes is a really long time. Definitely worth feeding back to the person running the group. They presumably just need to print and laminate a document with the codes on it and then make it available to parents so it's a reasonably easy fix.

The leader should have explained the door situation ahead of time. I understand if it was a music or otherwise loud session that knocking on the door wouldn't be heard. I would be upset if that happened to me too, I can understand feeling unable to raise it with the leader at the time and just wanting to leave but I would message after the session and let them know what had happened.

I think if all the parents weren't informed at the beginning of the session about the situation with the toilets and the need to know a code to get back into the room then the group leader was very remiss. I think OP has every right to be upset annoyed.

What i realky dont understand is why she didn't raise the issue before she left..

I think that OP shoukd get in touch with the leader or whoever is responsible for the administration of the group before the next session and let them know how she feels. Especially as it is going to impact on how she feels about attending the group in future.

How strange. What sort of venue was it? Were you made aware of evacuation procedures in case of emergency? Were you completely trapped?
How many children were at the venue and what was the ratio of adult to child?
I would be raising this with those who run the venue if I was you.

I can’t imagine leaving my two year old in the room without saying to someone - i’m popping out can you watch her or taking her with you. It’s not stay and play, your child, your responsibility. I can’t get past that - the rest, ie your reaction, I think is dramatic given this is on you.

& I read that the room was next door, so close etc etc - whatever, your child should not have been left while you went out of the room without discussion.

It was obvious I was nipping out, it didn’t need announcing I do think this is where if you don’t know the layout it is unclear but if the door is open you can see the toilet clear as anything from the main room.

I was going to get a tissue, come in, wipe DDs nose and put the tissue in the bin. Ten second job. Music was playing and the leader was mid session; it isn’t a group where people interrupt to announce things like nappy changes or toilet visits.

At any rate it is done now. I do understand mix ups happen, it was more the disregard for me and DD that was a bit odd. We’ve been very loyal customers, so to have been locked out for fifteen minutes and nothing have been said was just a bit weird.

And yes, I probably should have said something at the time but I really just wanted to get me and DD out to be honest!

I’m afraid I also can’t fathom just walking out and not saying anything to anyone, leaving your child when you know even 15 mins without you will have her so upset she’s clingy for the rest of the day and distressed as you say.

it was just one of these things, you didn’t realise the door was locked behind you the leader didn’t realise why you’d gone, they didn’t know if you went to the loo or to take a call, they didn’t know if you had bad guts and were stuck in the loo.

nexg time tell someone, don’t just walk away from your kid.

Oh FFS. That's next level bonkers. And why oh why would anyone waste litres of water flushing a toilet instead of putting a tissue in the bin?

Depends on what you mean by "leaving the room ".
I go to a a couple of traditional toddler group/stay and play where the toys are spread through multiple rooms. Yes, I let my child roam and I might have a natter with another parent while he wanders into another space.

In the OP's scenario I might have whispered to the parent next to me that I was just nipping for a tissue but it sounds like the bathroom was as close to the class as my kitchen is to my living room so I also might not have done, figuring that I'd be very quick and the teacher would notice a parent leaving the room (given the class is a structured thing so it's not an unpredictable and busy environment like a stay and play).

The teacher really should have mentioned the coded doors. Even if OP had taken her DD with her, she'd still have missed a significant amount of the class that she'd paid for.

@CremeEggsForBreakfast I agree - the onus was on the person leading the session to give a health and safety briefing, which would have covered what to do if you need to leave the room and how to get back in, but clearly she did not.

So music was playing, so this adds to why no one heard you knock and why you should have mentioned it to the leader at the end!
A quick, I don't know if you are aware but I was locked out of the room for 15 mins because of the way the door works. As we do lots of noisy activities/have music can you look at ensuring people have access to come back in if they leave.

If it was that obvious you were leaving then it goes back to they thought you needed longer in the toilet (upset stomach, period, or even making a phone call without your child present). They may have thought as you didn't say anything to anyone you clearly aren't bothered about leaving your child.

Oh, dear, what can the matter be?

I think you've found the real crux of your disquiet, that you value the group more than you feel valued by them or the leader. There's a fondness to groups when you have a preschool child as its part of their little life growing up and is quite precious. I have a 2.5 years old so go to lots of groups like that so I know how it is.

The leader obviously sees her relationship with thr attendees as friendly but cordial as this is a business to her, I don't know the structure of the setting but are the last 15 minutes quite structured where she's delivering something like storyline that makes it hard to stop doing to address an absent parent?

The other angle is, because she's known you for so long, she assumed you had chose to pop out for a moment and was comfortable keeping half an eye on your child. I guess she may have thought it was deliberate and didn't want to bring it up, maybe a toilet emergency tbh and so just avoided drawing attention to it.

The lesson here is to simply take control and say something at the time to avoid speculation and spiralling, clear up any potential miscommunication etc.

You're not 'valued'. 🤣 Wow. You're not there to be valued. What is wrong with young people today? You need to grow up, get some resilience and stop being so entitled. I cannot believe you're considering pulling your child out of this because you didn't feel valued. Your poor child. Not everything is about you. Put your child first (and find a sense of humour whilst you're at it).

And by the way, I don't disagree that the door locking behind you is something that needs highlighting with some signage. It does. But your reaction is so ridiculous that it takes away from the actual intelligent response to this which is to suggest they put a sign up.

Washing your hands after wiping her nose surely? If you had taken her with you the whole task could have been completed in the bathroom. Instead you left your child unattended (clearly not the same as a house as this had a big self locking door between you) and wiped her nose in the the class leaving you with a dirty tissue and a germy hands. I feel I've explained plenty of times now and you're probably on the wind up!

Yes or bin of course. Calm down.

@Nickyknackered i didn’t get to wipe her nose.

I realise that the thread has fixated on the fact I should have taken DD with me, I’ve been going to baby and toddler groups since I could, so for five years now, and I know I didn’t do anything wrong in essentially going to the back of a room to get a tissue.

@HoskinsChoice i don’t think it’s unreasonable to feel slightly perturbed that after four years of support to expect an acknowledgement when I mysteriously vanished 😅 but evidently so. It jarred a bit as after the session the group leader was doing her social media spiel about how wonderful we were … but of course social media is not real!

Life happens, we’ve all dropped a ball at one time or another but it hasn’t sat particularly well with me. It could have been something really serious and no one would have known. I wonder if I hadn’t returned how long it would have taken to realise DD was alone!

Send the group leader a polite email to explain what happened. It might happen to other mums

From the leader's point of view you left the room for 15 minutes and you left your child unattended. You didn't say you were going, you also didn't say anything when you came back. From her perspective you probably looked like you took your sweet time going to the loo by yourself whilst your child was left on their own. I don't think it's fair for you to pin this all on the leader and say that they don't value their customers. You are taking it all way too personally.