To be a bit upset about this at a toddler session?

[myfavouritedinosaur]

I take my two year old to a toddler group - it isn’t stay and play, it’s a structured session with a group leader. I’ve been going for four years (two children) so I know the group leader fairly well.

It was a new venue yesterday and the toilets were next to the room we were in. My DD had a runny nose so I went to get her a tissue and the door to the main room closed after me. It locked and you needed a code to get in. I was knocking on the door for ages but no one could hear me. It was the end of the session before people started leaving and I could get back in! Anyway, the group leader didn’t say a word, was just packing away.

I do get that it wasn’t her fault but surely she should have realised I’d been gone for a while? And show some concern? I also feel it’s her session, surely some responsibility to manage the building / warn people about the doors etc. I just feel a bit upset my two year old was on her own for a fair chunk of the session and no one seemed to notice or care I’d vanished.

Well, these responses are peak mumsnet bat shittery. Obsessing about viral particles on a tissue is so off topic. And it’s not crime of the century to forget tissues and pop to the loo for some paper.
OP, the leader of this class is an absolute twat. She is the teacher and it’s a teacher’s job to be hyper vigilant of the comings and goings of a class. And yes, she should definitely thank you for coming - your attendance is helping her make her living! She’s right up her own arse.
Don’t go back. The other mums are also twats for not noticing your absence. It’s takes a village to raise a child. Any normal human would notice a 2 year old on her own and act accordingly.

@likeafishneedsabike How can you be a twat for not noticing something? If somebody behind me falls over and hurts themselves but I don't notice and carry on walking am I a twat? No, because we can't be held responsible for things we don't know is happening. This was just one of these things that happens due to poor communication and unlucky circumstances.

@myfavouritedinosaur I thought you said it wasn’t stay and play? So was it just a drop-off session?

I really agree with all of this!
The leader had no idea what you were doing. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t value her customers. Taking it VERY personally.

So if a primary school teacher doesn’t see a child quietly leave their classroom because they happen at that moment to be focused elsewhere, it is not their responsibility to know a child is missing? Of course they it is. Like this group leader should be aware of the mums and toddlers attending their class.

Your ‘trips up behind me’ analogy is way off in this case.

So if a primary school teacher doesn’t see a child quietly leave their classroom because they happen at that moment to be focused elsewhere, it is not their responsibility to know a child is missing? Of course it is. Like this group leader should be aware of the mums and toddlers attending their class.

Your ‘trips up behind me’ analogy is way off in this case.

The leader probably thought you'd asked another parent to watch your DC whilst you stepped out. That's how it worked at groups I went to if a parent popped to the toilet or needed to take a call.

Well, there were only eight children and six mums at the group so it wasn’t like it was a packed class. I have to admit I am baffled as to how no one heard me knocking; I guess the doors must be really heavy!

Just to offer a different perspective op, I organise and run groups and you often don’t notice things because you are so preoccupied with everything going smoothly and going through the motions and in your head about what you’re doing and what comes next. Even more so if you’re in a new unfamiliar venue. So I wouldn’t be too hard on the leader - she had her own shit going on.

It all sounds awful but sometimes shit happens, and thankfully no harm was done. One day when your child is a teenager this will all be a distant memory and a funny story about when mum got locked out of the toddler group.

What a silly thing to say, it’s the teachers job to ensure the children don’t do that, it is not the leaders job to watch the parents, nor is it anyone’s job to be looking out for people falling behind them, how odd of you.

In that case the teacher is the responisble adult, in this case the children had their parents with them and they were each responsible for looking after their own child.

Even if the teacher in your example missed that a child walked out of the classroom because they were writing something on the board or whatever, that doesn't make the teacher a twat. It's just one of those things that can happen because they are human and sometimes have to take their eyes off of the children. We don't need to call people names and place blame every time something unfortunate happens. It's easy to do because for OP, it makes herself feel a bit less guilty when she can place the blame with someone else. OP should have told someone she was just going out to get a tissue, but she didn't.

It completely makes sense that you would be upset about this if you think about it in terms of your nervous system, it’s just biological. We are social animals and we are primed to get distressed when we are separated from our young ones, especially if we know that they may also be distressed. We also need to fill valued and cherished as part of our social groups. I suspect this has touched something quite deep in you OP. I wouldn’t stop going if it’s otherwise good but definitely say something about the door.

A teacher runs the room. Your example is where you are just a passerby. This woman is being paid to run a class, so the wellbeing of the participants are her responsibility.

The job of a teacher is to run the room and to notice EVERYTHING. The person running the room has to be hyper vigilant.

That's different because the teacher is responsible for the child. In this scenario, the OP was responsible for the child. The OP left the child and didn't tell anyone. Even though she didn't know she'd be that long, it is still odd that a parent did not tell anyone she was leaving her child alone. It only takes a second for something to go wrong.

I suspect in a few days the OP will realise that this ridiculously excessive response is actually shock related to the fact she left her child unattended rather than a door locking and that she's not 'valued'. (Or at least that's what we have to hope from a responsible parent!).

So if a parent leaves the room she has to ask them why, then give it a certain amount of time and go looking for them?

The leader is there to facilitate the activities, not babysit the children or the parents. You also said that the other parents were twats for not knowing that OP had left the room, surely it's not their resposibility to keep track of the other parents too?

I think we will just have to agree to disagree. You think the leader is responsible for knowing what everyone in the room were doing, I don't in this situation because all the children had a parent there.

I personally would not have asked but I would have kept my eyes on the door waiting for the parent’s return. Then when she did not appear I would have popped out to look. If you take money to run a class then this is the level of responsibility taken on.

The whole situation makes me concerned that the leader/teacher has not done proper safeguarding training.

That absolutely should not have happened. As a one off it was an oversight but the organiser should certainly have noticed an unsupervised child.

Have you ever seen one of those situational awareness videos? You’re asked to note how many times the ball gets thrown between two teams. At the end of the video you’re asked “did you notice anything unusual” and it turns out a man in a panda suit rollerskated through the game which you didn’t notice because you were watching the ball. I really do suspect the teacher was focussed on delivering her class, the others were focussed on their own kids, and you were in the panda suit and got missed.

Also if you were see going in the direction of the toilet, perhaps they thought you had bowel problems and didn’t want to embarrass you by coming to find you?

Either way I do think she should have been really apologetic when she realised, it’s a room she’s hired after all and it’s her job to make sure it all works well together. If it’s left a bad taste just don’t go back, you don’t need to do things that make you unsettled. There are loads of groups. Doesn’t sound like you’re particular friends with any of the other mums so nothing to miss really.

I suspect in a few days the OP will realise that this ridiculously excessive response is actually shock related to the fact she left her child unattended rather than a door locking and that she's not 'valued'. (Or at least that's what we have to hope from a responsible parent!).

I think there is a lot of truth in this.
But I would also advise the OP to spend less time on SM. I cannot imagine anyone being precious about not being thanked of "feeling valued" twenty years ago, and life was much the better for it.

just made me feel like I wasn’t important and neither was my child

This kind of comment feels a bit dramatic to me.

Anyway, you should have said you were leaving, and she should have noticed. Both your faults. It’s frustrating but you really should
move on.

It’s not ideal that this happened, but I think your post is very over the top - where to begin!

It’s a new venue and the leader must not have known about the door, so it’s very weird that you didn’t say anything to her and are now stewing about it. Why on earth wouldn’t you let her know?

I can’t understand leaving a 2 year old unattended without even letting the mum next to you know, or asking her to keep an eye on your child?!

I also can’t get over your irritation at not feeling valued or being thanked. You’ve been going there for years now - do you expect the leader to thank you every time? Surely it should be the other way around?

Very odd but the bottom line is, your DC must have been fine as nobody came looking for you for 15 minutes. So maybe time to let it go and move forward.

YABVU. She probably assumed you were in the bathroom and didnt know the door had shut behind you! She couldn't have left a session to come and get you for no reason. It would have been so awkward if she came to search for you and your were just using the toilet or something! Your toddler obviously wasnt distressed so why should the group leader search for you? This is really bizarre.