To be a bit upset about this at a toddler session?

[myfavouritedinosaur]

I take my two year old to a toddler group - it isn’t stay and play, it’s a structured session with a group leader. I’ve been going for four years (two children) so I know the group leader fairly well.

It was a new venue yesterday and the toilets were next to the room we were in. My DD had a runny nose so I went to get her a tissue and the door to the main room closed after me. It locked and you needed a code to get in. I was knocking on the door for ages but no one could hear me. It was the end of the session before people started leaving and I could get back in! Anyway, the group leader didn’t say a word, was just packing away.

I do get that it wasn’t her fault but surely she should have realised I’d been gone for a while? And show some concern? I also feel it’s her session, surely some responsibility to manage the building / warn people about the doors etc. I just feel a bit upset my two year old was on her own for a fair chunk of the session and no one seemed to notice or care I’d vanished.

I actually think that is quite a poor set-up because presumably a toddler could potentially go through the door and then get stuck outside. That is actually more of a risk than the OP getting locked out I’d have thought. Also quite surprising that no-one heard her banging for 15 minutes. That isn’t an ideal venue really for this sort of activity.

She's wasn't leaving the room though.

Yes, I find being upset about the thank you a bit ott. Many groups have a song at the end that signals end of session for the children, anything else is optional.

Just an alternative viewpoint but what if you had needed to go to the loo and it had taken ages. If she had made a thing of you coming back, that would have been so embarrassing (in my opinion). She may have genuinely assumed you were stuck on the loo and not wanted to draw attention to that to avoid embarrassing you.

It could have been a fireproof door maybe. They can be quite soundproof. I would just pointing it out to the co-ordinater, learn from it, and move forward.

I'm really sorry that happened to you. Not sure if it helps but this happened to me when I was actually running a toddler group. I was trying so hard to keep the building secure that my own toddler got shut between the two doors of the church porch. I was going batty trying to find him. He was completely unperturbed.

The important thing is that your child would have made a lot of noise if they had been distressed and people would definitely have noticed and come looking for you.

To be fair to the leader, since the OP didn't bother to tell her what had happened because she "didn’t get the impression she was up for some feedback.", she wouldn't know to apologise or to tell everyone in the future...

Unpleasant and uncalled for 😡

I would be thankful that the door locks automatically but I would be surprised that she didn’t seem to notice you were missing in a very small group and that she wasn’t watching the door - if someone had gone for a nappy change they wouldn’t have been able to get back in either.

Personally I would go back if I liked the class and I would speak to the woman at the beginning to ask for the code and say you got locked out for 15 minutes after grabbing a tissue. She might think you went to take a call or something and left your DD on purpose (because she wasn’t watching the door). If it was a big public playgroup I would’ve taken DD to the toilet but it sounds like it was a very small familiar group in a secure empty building so I can understand why you didn’t take her to get the tissue

I agree with you @myfavouritedinosaur I wouldn’t have taken my child with me, I wouldn’t have expected the door to lock behind me and I’d have been pissed off that she didn’t seem to care. I would write to her and point out that it’s a safety issue all parents need to be aware of and if she doesn’t take it seriously, I wouldn’t go back.

Perhaps the other mums did notice and thought you were on the loo, not locked out. I would notice if a child was unattended and keep half an eye on them, but I wouldn't go looking for the mum if I didn't know her very well and thought she might be having a bad time in the toilet.

Why would you be missed? People come and go all the time in baby groups

Yes the situation was annoying you dealt with it why the need for all this extra saga?

Yabu. You left your child unsupervised and so its on you to make a contingency plan.

You say about what if you passed out, but I doubt that's ever crossed your mind to safeguard against for when you're at home alone with your little one.

She's a group leader, she makes income hiring a hall and charging people to attend, she isn't childcare.

I know this sounds really blunt but that's deliberate because I think you're looking to allocate fault or reason to the leader when it's just as easy to blame you.

Ultimately its non issue and I think you ought to have the resilience to carry on with life, learn the lesson about the risks of just popping out anywhere without telling your child or someone else what to do if you arent back in the expected timeframe and go back to the group.

And you haven't "supported her business" for four years as a favour, you've paid for a service which has delivered the expected value.

I agree op it’s a small group she should have noticed your child was unattended and investigated.
I’m guessing her reaction of playing it down was preferable to her than admitting she could have done better.

I’d be upset too but, if it was only 15 mins, and she saw you head to the toilet, maybe she just assumed to were having a toilet emergency or changing a tampon or similar. The end of the session is probably the most hectic time. Saying something casual to her like ‘omg I nipped to get a tissue and have been locked out for 15 mins. Was little x upset?’ And gauge her reaction.

You could still mention it next session to her but the response might well be to send a reminder to all parents about taking the kids they are supervising with them to the toilet. It still might be worth mentioning as thinking about safeguarding will be an important part of what she does.

If she was slightly unfriendly when you got back, its probably got less to do with how much she values you and more likely she thinks you went off, were either having toilet issues (so awkward) or were dicking about on your phone and leaving her to watch your child.

It's currently a misunderstanding with both parties a bit annoyed with the other, so much better for you to speak up.

You've blown this all out of proportion.

It's very possible that from the her point of view, one of her regulars fucked off, didn't say where she was going, left her unsupervised child apparently assuming somebody else would watch her, and then sauntered back in 15 mins later saying nothing to anybody - no explanation, no thank you, no concern expressed for her unsupervised child.

To quote a mumsnet classic: use your words. Tell her what happened. You are choosing to feel all kinds of ways about a very minor mistake that the host of the session clearly had no idea about, and instead of alerting her to what had happened (both so she knew you hadn't been taking the piss by wandering off and leaving your child, and so she can make sure the same doesn't happen to anyone else in the future) you're declaring that you're not wanted or whatever and that you won't be back. It's unnecessarily dramatic and you don't seem to be considering how it looks from any other standpoint. It was a mistake, but you're fine, your child is fine, and literally nothing happened.

i think everyone is getting overly fixated on you not taking you child to the toilet which personally is silly. I wouldn’t take my child to get a tissue which typically would be a 10 second job. I have even been to the toilet alone during groups when my dc is happily immersed in play but in that scenario I do let the group leader know and ask if she would mind keeping an eye (but I wouldn’t let them know if I was grabbing a tissue. I would have found this pretty stressful being trapped away from my child for 15 minutes more for the fact I know they would be really upset by me not returning. However I wouldn’t think much about it past the initial reuniting, rest of the class personally. But we are all different. I think your group leaders seemingly lack of care about this scenario most likely reflects this difference in how we would individually perceive such an event or that she sees it as no long term harm done and doesn’t feel the need to check you’re okay/ apologise. I wouldn’t take it personally and I would continue to take your child if this is the only incident. Although not nice, if this is the only ever incident you’ve had with this class long term I think it would be silly not to continue going. Try to just use it as a learning event I.e. in future putting something in front of doors you are going out of in buildings you don’t know, and letting someone know you are just popping to get a tissue in case you don’t immediately return xx

No it isn't unpleasant and uncalled for.

Its the truth.

People think the world revolves around them and guess what it doesn't.

I'm surprised noone has suggested therapy yet for the trauma!

Who did you leave her with, did you not mention you'd be back in a minute to someone closeby?

i wouldn’t have left my toddler without asking someone specifically to keep an eye on them

‘O - Stacey - I need some bog roll - will you watch Neil, the baby!?’

kid would be safe and likely friend would come looking for me if I was gone too long.

just talk to the leader? - you could suggest a bell or phone number to help you renter if it’s so hard to get back in .

It sounds like she didn’t tell anyone she was going, and didn’t mention it to the teacher later on either 😕

I am calm, just think that you keep going on about something unnecessary!

OP faux not understanding was why it took several repetition!