This is off isn't it?

[coulditbeme2323]

Husband and I loaned another couple a significant amount of money as if we didn't their dream home would have fallen through. All properly drawn up, and to be fair was for a short period of time as in just under 3 months.

All paid back two weeks ago as agreed (no interest by the way as it might matter) and friend text saying we want to take you our to dinner to say thanks.

Didn't expect or want that, but lovely gesture.

Went to a very nice place Saturday and other husband said to my husband I'll get the food and you get the wine/drinks. Now to put into context the wine/drinks were about 35% of the bill so other couple paid 65%.

Now it's not the money, and it was a lovely evening, and I would never mention to my friend, but is that a bit cheeky?

I think it's off - unless you/your dh have form for selecting the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu or getting shitfaced on the most expensive whisky.

I can’t help thinking more fool you for allowing that to carry on. A simple and polite “we’ll let you pay for the takeaway as we never did get the money for the last one” is all that was needed. To carry on paying is just letting people walk all over you.

No the OP really doesn’t 🙄

Didn’t read the full thread before posting. It sounds like you are all very well off so this is even more off/embarrassing! If they can afford a second home in Cornwall they can afford to foot the bill ffs.

I’d get it if things were a bit tight for them and the bill was more than expected (we’ve all been there on a boozy night out!) but this is really bad manners.

You definitely are not wrong.

They had offered to take the OP and her husband out as a thank you for lending them a significant amount of money so they didn't lose their house purchase. The op didnt ask for this thank you dinner, it was offered and they accepted . I think it reasonable to think they (the friends)meant to pay for the thank you meal and drinks tbh.

Yes, it's off. The crux isn't how much of a favour you did them and how grateful they should be, but that they proactively offered to treat you to a meal in thanks for your specific action that helped them, and then put you on the spot after you'd eaten and drank to (partially) renege. What if you didn't have sufficient funds?

I'd assume miscommunication (or disagreement) between the wife (if that's who texted you the invitation) and husband (who asked you to pay for drinks), but not sure why the wife didn't correct it, ether at the time or by paying the drinks part herself or by squaring up with you afterwards.

(I suppose an exception might be if you and/or your husband had unexpectedly ordered very expensive alcoholic drinks that upped the expected bill considerably, but assume you'd have mentioned it here if that were the case.)

They are serious CF's especially ordering champagne. In your husband's place I would have said no, your wife said you were paying mate.

No wonder they are rich!

You are 100% correct. You should have been able to leave your wallet at home. Pair of CFs

I mean paying them back is quite literally the bare minimum, bog standard anyone could expect, hardly a favour. Particularly after OP has probably saved them tens of thousands in bridging loans if the loan itself was well over £100k.

Yes they paid for food but by that measure OP and her DH paid for their drinks! They said they would take OP and her DH as a thank you, and ended up just giving them the equivalent to 15% off their food (based on the assumption that if they'd just gone out normally for food as couples they'd have split everything 50/50 rather than 65/35). That's hardly a treat! You can get vouchers for bigger discounts than that!

This is really really strange.

I'm trying to think of an explanation.

Wife arranged it as a thank you but didn't tell husband.
Husband is trying to communicate more clearly as since their financial success other people have taken the p. So he's getting in the habit of setting boundaries by saying we will get the food, you get the drinks.
His wife didn't know about the exchange between the husbands and he didn't know about her original offer.

Even so it's bad form but you've said they aren't usually tight so maybe he thinks they intend to give a proper gift.

Fingers crossed anyway because as it stands it's dreadful, especially as they ordered champagne!

No you are not wrong. If I was taking someone out for dinner as a thank you or a birthday treat or something I would expect to pay for it all, being the host. A bit mean of him ☹️

I could never look at them quite the same way again tbh. what they did was really petty and mean.

If I were you I would take anything you think you know about their finances and treat it with a pinch of salt. People can live very wealthy lives and still be up against the wall financially. I would definitely not lend them anything again. it is just possible that he knew his credit card would be rejected if he tried to charge the full bill.

I say this because we had a very similar situation. We have a family member with excellent job, lovely home in the best area, children in private school, ski trips, holidays, lovely cars - all the trappings of a very upper middle class life. They asked us to loan them a large sum of money to complete the purchase of a holiday home - bridging gap between sale of another property. We did, they paid it back, no interest (and no dinner either!). at the time I wondered why they couldn't get a bridge loan from a bank, get a line of credit - even put it on a couple of credit cards or temp overdraft. Their lifestyle and income was such that I couldn't understand why they couldn't get their hands on the money without asking us. Still, not my problem and we were happy to lend it. We loaned them some more money later - and got it back but DH was distinctly nervous by then and really followed it up. Just as well because around that time we discovered that the lifestyle is held up by massive loans from family member and credit. Don't presume you know they are financially sound - they may not be. That fancy dinner is just what our relative would have done - and then not have had the money to fully pay for it. Lovely people too. just wouldn't give them a penny again.

I wonder if it was a miscommunication between the other couple about what they'd said to you? But yeah a bit rude, in the circumstances you saved their arses

Actually this isn't as unusual as you might think!

I mean I find it very rude, but some people seem to believe if you are hosting, you are hosting. I've heard this sort of example quite a few times.

Very parsimonious of them (or ‘arseholey’)

The dinner experience has shown exactly who they are: Users.

I suspect this was a miscommunication. Woman messages you to say she will treat you guys to dinner, tells her DH 'we're going out to dinner with X and Y next weekend'. Husband doesn't realise its a treat and thinks its a normal bill split, woman is too mortified to say anything in front of him or forgets and they just forgot about it. Bear in mind lots of alcohol was consumed. I wouldn't read too much into it.

As a very general rule, people who are wealthy and are usually generous often forget that others are not in the same position. They may not think about money much and don't even notice the bill.

There's always one 🙄...

Maybe they are in big financial difficulties that they don’t want to mention.

The OP and her husband saved their friends from having to take a bridging loan potentially saving them thousands of pounds. Charged no interest, did not ask to be taken out to dinner and were then expected to pay over a third. In no way 'grabby' at all. If the friends couldn't afford it they should have offered to cook in their new kitchen which OP and her husband secured for them.

Tomorrow my mission is to use this word three times! Thank you PP, it will brighten my day! 🤣

You are not wrong. You did them a huge favour and them picking up the total bill as a thank you would be appropriate. Not you paying for drinks! CF's!

Basically they paid for your food when you said you weren't expecting anything. So try and take it as that rather than you being ripped off.

Assuming you were equal once they paid you back, they actually still bought you something so you're in profit so to speak.

Presuming you didn't go mad ordering extremely expensive things you couldn't afford when you heard they might be treating you.

I mean for me 'we'll take you out' means they pay for everything but I guess not everyone sees it that way. I wouldn't fall out with them over it.

If they'd have just said 'fancy going for dinner' you'd have paid half anyway.

Mildly cheeky or a bit of a misunderstanding, but not worth making a fuss over. I'd.get over it. I give my friends the benefit of the doubt, because they're my friends and no one is perfect. Some responses here are over the top.