This is off isn't it?

[coulditbeme2323]

Husband and I loaned another couple a significant amount of money as if we didn't their dream home would have fallen through. All properly drawn up, and to be fair was for a short period of time as in just under 3 months.

All paid back two weeks ago as agreed (no interest by the way as it might matter) and friend text saying we want to take you our to dinner to say thanks.

Didn't expect or want that, but lovely gesture.

Went to a very nice place Saturday and other husband said to my husband I'll get the food and you get the wine/drinks. Now to put into context the wine/drinks were about 35% of the bill so other couple paid 65%.

Now it's not the money, and it was a lovely evening, and I would never mention to my friend, but is that a bit cheeky?

Relatives of mine were coming to stay fairly local at an airbnb and when I heard, i offered to let them stay at my house. 3 adults. They were only staying one night but 2 full days. I am a terrible cook so said we should go out for a bite to eat. Believe me I was doing them a favour ! 😆

Anyway bill came and they made absolutely no attempt to pay for any food or drinks either mine or theirs. So I paid for all 4 of us. I live alone on one income and have a modest house and car, so no signs of opulence to assume that i could afford a large bill. I wouldnt have expected them to pay for me, I was happy to pay for my own and they theirs. I apparently was saving them a small fortune in the Airbnb to boot. Any who....

Lesson learned. Never again.

You have done them a favor that 99% can only dream of....the very very least they can do is pay for all the meal. I would be limiting contact with them as it would just put me off. You are too kind, dont let others take advantage of that.

I’ve said YANBU, but maybe they meant well because in their minds they did what they could afford. Does that make sense?

wow!

Sooooooo cheeky!

Wouldn't you if they had invited you out as a thank you to you?

Mind you, given they had to borrow money from you perhaps it was grand gesture they hadn't properly thought through.

Who have to borrow money from friends, if it walks like a duck……

Very off indeed! If you invite people out to dinner as a thank you then it’s a given that the person doing the inviting/thanking is offering to pay - if not then it’s not much of a thank you!

It would definitely leave a sour taste (excuse the pun) for me. Yanbu.

I was going to suggest something like this too - maybe the restaurant was out of their league but either they chose it because they felt you’d prefer it or maybe they didn’t realise it was so expensive. Or whatever - I can think of lots of ways this could have happened. Does one of them not drink for instance?

I mean, basically yes it’s strange to invite someone as a thank you and then expect them to contribute, even if only a part of the cost, but they did pay you back and they are grateful.

I’d be fairly happy with that considering how many people lend money and end up losing both their money and the friendship!

They have shown you their true colours then!! Don’t forget this’

Yeah, YANBU. If someone offers to take you our for dinner as a thank you - they should be footing the bill 100%. You did a huge favour for them - but even if you hadn't - if someone offers you dinner - you shouldn't then be asked to pay a third of the bill, imo.

You'll know better next time I guess!

The drinks are usually more expensive than the food, that is usually where restaurants make their money (margin).

yes OP it is a bit cheeky. On the other hand, they could have been tight on money as they just purchased and repaid you back the loan in full, so maybe don’t be too hard on them - at least they offered this nice gesture, it shows gratitude. It is more than some people do, some don’t ever return the loan even so consider yourself lucky and bravo for being a good friend helping.

“I kinda expect this thread to say they never paid back, but they did and on time, pretty good.”

Paying back and doing so on time is the bare minimum, it’s not “pretty good”!

Astonishingly rude of them! They offered to take you out, I assume they suggested the place, they were ordering champagne... and then they stiff you with the drinks bill!

Breathtakingly rude. You are not grabby in the slightest.

Erm.obviously yes!! Course they should foot the whole bill, u don't invite someone out as a thank you and expect them to pay! Are u on another planet!!

@coulditbeme2323 for me it wouldn't be about the money as you're all obviously very well off.
But I would be insulted that, having literally saved them from losing their dream holiday home, they would expect me to pay a penny towards the supposed thank you meal. And then to order champagne when they dumped the drinks bill on me is well beyond 'off' in my book.
Think you need to invite yourself to the new pad and let them pay for everything. The very least they can do. They are true CFs, old friends or not.

at least they offered this nice gesture, it shows gratitude. It is more than some people do, some don’t ever return the loan even so consider yourself lucky

The bar for some is so low it's almost on the floor. She should consider herself lucky because they paid back the loan...

Its really not a kind gesture and I am sure she would rather they had just said thank you and then she wouldn't be out of pocket for drinks she didn't agree to buy.

YANBU but the nosy one in me is wondering if the split was mentioned before or after eating and drinking?

Because if he was ordering champagne on your dime, hell fucking no.

If he told you after drinks are on you then why not say, eh, no we'd of had vodka and tonic if we knew

But it's not exactly grabby if the other couple said they would take them out for dinner then OP has to pay for drinks she would otherwise not have had?!

I would have taken ‘we will take you out as a thank you’ - as them paying the entire bill - food and drinks.

I agree OP that YANBU.

We had a couple who we used to go out with. Always ended up that myself and DP bought most of the drinks. We invited them back to ours a few times after a night out and sometimes got a takeaway - always insisted they would drop the cash round in the week but they literally never paid us back ever. We don’t see them anymore - more because the husband became an insufferable arsehole!

Yeah I think that’s mortifying. You leant them over a hundred grand, they offer to take you out to say thanks and you have to pay for your own wine!! Cheeky bastards.

My guess is the husband perhaps didn’t realise the occasion was to say thanks to Jenny and John for the whacking great loan and maybe just thought it was a regular meal out. Or was the loan referenced over dinner OP? As in ‘Cheers to you both, thanks so much for the loan, we would have lost the house without you, and will always be grateful for what you did’.

You're right. Taking out to dinner means picking up the whole tab. If they couldn't afford that, it would have been better to take you somewhere cheaper, or for a pub lunch rather than dinner, or afternoon tea, or buy you a bunch of flowers.

You must be very close friends to have kindly leant them the money like that. Maybe they intended to foot the entire bill, but when it came thought ‘gosh!’ and the friend, given your closeness, thought it would be ok to suggest that.

However, there’s a big difference between saying ‘we want to take you out for dinner as a thank you’ (suggesting that they are paying), and ‘let’s go out for dinner to celebrate (which doesn’t imply they will be covering it!)

You aren't wrong.

They borrowed a significant sum of money without interest

They invited the OP and her DH out to dinner as a thank you and didn't pay for the drinks

Rude