To expect DH to help pay for my diagnosis?

[Miserablelittlesoul]

I have numerous health conditions but the one that is affecting my life the most is (suspected endometriosis). I’ve had symptoms since I was young but never put 2 and 2 together not that I was aware of the condition anyway.

These past 6 months have been intense and I have pretty much lost my mobility. I’m no longer working anymore and I’ve been denied pip so I have no money coming in at all. We have maxed all the benefits we are entitled too.

We have spent all our savings now. All we have is our pokemon collection that is worth around 20k but we plan to hold on to this as the value keeps increasing.

DH has a 0% credit card with £15k on. He doesn’t want to use it and feels that it’s for emergencies only.

My life is so miserable I do nothing now I stay in the house everyday. I have about 10 good pain free days a month. I’m sad all the time! The house is always a mess and food shopping isn’t being done properly. So when it comes to dinner times it’s a distaster.

DH tries his best with everything but it doesn’t work I need my health back.

AIBU to think this is an emergency? I completely understand why he doesn’t want to. But I can’t wait 8 years for a diagnosis and treatment.

I am so sorry you are this unwell, I know it makes it really hard to think about how to do anything when you feel this awful.

But, kindly, going into debt isn't the answer. You won't have any way to pay it back if you've burned through everything already. And, as others have said, getting a diagnosis is just part of the problem.

I have no idea why you haven't sold the Pokemon collection already. Running up debt while sitting on something like that is really a poor decision. You will pay interest on debt while refusing to sell something you might lose at any time. I think if you're thinking of a diagnosis and surgery privately, the best and only option is to get this collection sold and prioritise your health. If that truly isn't an option, you'll just have to wait for the NHS.

How would you if you don’t work?

can either of your parents help you?

if not, it would seem reasonable to put it on a credit card. Because If You are treated and can work again, the money you earn will be more than the cost of the treatment

You have no money and are desperate for treatment but are refusing to sell something you own that is of value. Sell it, it could be worthless tomorrow and you'd still be unwell.

I don't even know what Pokemon is but I am aware of many recent news articles that say the value of Pokemon collections (and of certain cards) appear to be currently going through the roof.

If that is correct I can understand the OP's and her husband's reluctance to cash them in.

If Beneden Health doesn't exclude pre-existing conditions (and it seems they don't exclude them) perhaps that is where the OP ought to be looking...

Don’t you get it? She doesn’t control the pokemon collection—he does. And he thinks her health isn’t worth it.

I went to A and E several times, was given morphine and then sent home. Just got referred back to the gynae department each time.
Trust me I have being lying in a bed howling like an animal, for days upon days and my other half could not believe any woman could be left in that much pain for years at a time.
It is nothing like severe period pain it is absolutely hideous. And many of us have it elsewhere - mine is in my bowel as well.
All my GP could do in the end is offer me morphine to take at home if needed but I did not want to use that option as it’s a heavy drug and I had concerns over dependency.
However, delivered by a drip in hospital it is the only thing that even touched the pain.

So op is in pain now, and pokemon is simply bits of plastic and paper tat that who knows, maybe the value will drop just as quick.

But hey - lets keep the dust gatherers and the op in pain

Hi OP

I have endo...... so firstly you need to get your GP to refer you to an Endo specialist centre have a look on the below link to all the endo centres across the UK (assuming you are based in the UK?)

Depending on your symptoms once seen you will undergo scans most likely to begin with and then usually the gynae will list you for a diagnostic laparoscopy, whilst discussing this with the gynae you want to ask them about treatment whilst also having diagnostic laparoscopy most will remove any active endo and adhesions whilst in there but have to conversation and consent to this beforehand as repeated surgeries can cause endo flare us to be worse.

Unfortunately, there is no "cure" so to speak as we are all different, I have suffered for many years and was stage 3/4 over 15 years ago, since then I have had repeated surgeries and hormone treatment I'm not at a stage where I am considering a hysterectomy but I have managed really well at times and been pain free for much of the time from having big excision surgery. 8 years is the average but that is allowing yourself to be passed from pillar to post, stand firm and advocate strongly for yourself.

If your GP is unwilling to refer you to a specialist endo gynae you can find your local one online and pay to see them privately this usually costs approx £300 and request that they see you as an NHS patient at the private consultation..... this can also bypass huge wait times on the NHS.

https://www.bsge.org.uk/centre/category/accredited-centres/

I wouldn't advise getting into debt you need to shout and scream and advocate for yourself as there is sadly no quick fix.

This ^

The OP needs to check what the local "waiting time" is and exactly when the clock starts ticking.

I don't think this is a good idea OP. Fair enough if we were talking about his actual savings but your asking him totally take on a debt that realistically its unlikely you will be able to pay back. You are already living beyond your means

Yes 8 yrs to diagnosis maybe true but your looking at people that have been to their GP for painful periods on and off for years and repeatedly dismissedr a lot has changed in the last 8 years with regards to attitudes to endo. It's not 8 years from referral to treatment. Endo is difficult to treat and whilst a diagnosis may give answers it won't necessarily get you back working again

I would also question if it is endo that has resulted in you losing your mobility. There could be all manor of things going on.

"... But hey - lets keep the dust gatherers and the op in pain"

But I'm not suggesting that they should keep the cards and that the OP should remain in pain.

It's obvious from some of the posts here that many people see the collection as "just some cards" or "just toys" or "just dust carriers" and can't understand why the OP and her husband don't want to sell them.

I'm pointing out that the collection might be a lot more valuable than people seem to appreciate and that I can understand why the OP and her husband might be reluctant to sell them.

Yes - they might crash in value

Yes - they might gain in value

It's easy to suggest that somebody else sell something to fund another thing when you aren't the person making the decision.

I'd suggest they might be better off first discovering what cover at Beneden would cost...

Is this a family expense? Absolutely.

should you use credit card debt with no clear plan to pay it off before the 0% interest rate expires? No. You will be making the situation worse.

The two of you need a real financial plan. That could be a second job. It could be downsizing. It absolutely could be liquidating assets. It should not be unsecured debt.

But endometriosis can only be diagnosed by laparoscopy. If she hasn’t had surgery it’s not confirmed, only suspected especially if there hasn’t even been an ultrasound.

I don’t think potential conditions are usually classed as pre existing are they, that would be a bit Orwellian!

Going in to debt rather than selling the pokèmon collection sounds like a terrible idea. You have no income to pay off the debt so it's a slippery slope and you may end up worse off than you are now if you take that route.

If it’s that bad, I’d appeal the PIP rejection.

This is not true, you do not need a laparoscopy. I have endo, I was diagnosed with a lap over 20 years ago but times have moved on. I follow an incredible endo surgeon who does surgery daily on those with endo and reads MRI scans of their bodies.

OP costing wise look into getting a 2D and 3D vaginal ultrasound scan at a specialised endo clinic or an MRI again at at specialised clinic. This is non invasive and read by the right people they can diagnose endo from this. There are also clinics in Europe who are cheap, I believe someone on here got diagnosed in Poland.

For everyone saying just wait your turn on the NHS endo is a whole body condition that can collapse lungs, cause bladders and bowels to be removed, damage uretas. What would you want to do if it were you? Wait? I would want it put on the 0% credit card.

I follow a lot of women with endo on TikTok and some clinics and surgeons.

Have you tried dienogest and Letrozole? Also get your day 2/3 estradiol checked (medichecks etc do this) as often you can bring down oestrogen levels and that helps the endo

I spoke to bupa last week and they advised since I had been to the gp about the symptoms they can’t cover it diagnosed or not. I have just signed up to Benenden so I will keep that running and will contact them in 6 months.

Are you ill or too disabled to go work or not. If you are then its wrong you are denied a disability benefit.

Apologies if others have said this but could you not claim New style ESA if you have finished work in the past year or so?

To the poster asking why it takes 8 years - that is the average for an endometriosis diagnosis. It’s appalling really but very true. Mine took 13. I didn’t even know what it was and only when I developed a mass in my abdomen were the doctors interested. But I ended up going private and it was by far the best decision I have made.

Sell the pokemon.
Get the right private treatment
What s better having pokemon or potential health?
A 0 % crdit card has to be paid back

If she's already sought help for the symptoms it will be considered pre exisitng.

Given your financial situation I’d suggest the best thing to do is get back to the GP pronto, and see a different one at your practice and explain your suspicions.

How expensive will the private diagnosis be?

Is there any way to address this financial situation before things become more critical?