Son wouldn’t let me use his loo !

[zoovo]

I visited my 23 yr old Son over the weekend. I live 2.5hrs from him. Parked on his driveway and we headed straight out to lunch, shops etc. At the end of my visit I said I will use your loo before I leave and he said I couldn’t. Apparently his GF was in his home and she wasn’t ready to meet me due to anxiety. I said I only need a wee, I actually thought he was joking but he wasn’t. I left close to tears that he would do this to me. So I just left. I found a garden centre 25min into my journey home to stop off at. I’m still in disbelief that he treated me this way. I’m really hurt by this. I do have some medical issues at times which mean sometimes I really do need the loo urgently and he knows this. On this occasion it wasn’t to urgent but he didn’t know that. I don’t know how to move forward from this. Am I being unreasonable to feel so upset by this?

Yes and I am worried about why a girlfriend who does not live with the son happens to be in his house and needing to hide from his mother on the day the mother is around and about.
And why adult son cannot maintain a property well enough for his gf or for the mother who is the son's guarantor.
Denying her the door sounds like reason for a family call getting things straight.

Gf appears to be using the property and if doing so regularly ought to be on the books and is at least morally accountable.

You said:
”They need to be accountable to their guarantor” (my emplasis)

I’m not sure how that could mean anything else other than you assuming OP was guarantor for both her son and his GF?

Perhaps you could clarify?

Rubbish. Tenants are allowed guests.

I did in the post above.
Because GF appears to have the power to deny the mother entry. Acting like a unit with the bf.
If she acts like she has rights she needs to take the responsibilities.

I'm getting thoroughly sick to death of people prefacing absolutely every issue with 'I suffer from anxiety' or 'my child suffers from anxiety' I'll be honest. It's getting to the stage where everytime I hear 'I have anxiety' I say to myself 'Who doesn't?'

What with that, autism and ADHD they seem to be more catching than the common cold.

She has no responsibilities as a tenant.
OP is not her guarantor.

In English law more so than US law, but it still has to be 'occasional use'. Getting post delivered there etc. would change things.

Carry on dying on that hill.

It’s wrong to deny any parent the use of a toilet, DH uses the toilet a lot more than me!

Again with the making up your own version of events 😂

Any parent, yes. But there can be particular urgencies for women!
TMI I am dealing with menstrual flooding and this story hits hard.

No :) https://www.apartments.com/rental-manager/resources/leases/when-does-guest-become-tenant-rental-home

Hi @Purpletable She did indeed say that in her post earlier!

I always give plenty of notice of when I’m visiting and in the past his GF has stayed at her home until I’ve gone.

Edit - her post at 9.45am

I have to agree.

Agree with this too.

That’s for US rentals!

Yes! Cba to look up UK law. Which is more lenient. But things like where post goes etc count.

There is also the moral question of how gf behaves as a unit with son, benefiting from house and denying access.

The GF isn’t benefitting from the house because she doesn’t live there.

The GF didn’t deny OP access, the son did.

The GF has no legal or moral responsibility to the OP.

So hes 23, I think it may have thrown him when you said you wanted to come in and rather than him thinking logically, thats when panic mode set in and he stood his ground and stuck to the plan to, in his eyes protect his GF, commendable, many wouldn't. Did you say anything like, gosh I'm really desperate due to X medical reason, would you please ask GF if I can use the loo quickly, she absolutely doesn't have to meet me? Was there any logical discussion rather than "are you joking" Did you ask where the next nearest loo was?
My FIL is absolutely not allowed across my threshold, when my DH drove him to an appt recently, he was dropped at our driveway as a half way point, (2.5hr total drive)my husband had already said if he needs the loo he or SIL would take him to the local garage/costa.
If you say he is struggling with his GF, and you and he have a good relationship otherwise, I wouldn't let this fester, sounds like possibly a simple moment of panic trying to look after his GF, he couldn't think fast enough.

Hello gf

Maybe the toilet was filthy dirty and he used his girlfriend as an excuse.

Why would the son know where the nearest loo
was? He’d use the one in his house?

He knows about his mother’s medical situation, he should not need reminding!

How much time does (invisible) gf spend in the house? If she is verging on being a permitted occupier rather than an occasional guest, she would be expected to help maintain the property.
https://www.hiscox.co.uk/landlords-blog/permitted-occupier-guide