Partner spending weekend fitting ex wifes bathroom

[user1467973151]

If your partner was fitting a bathroom for his ex wife for 4 months spending a large part of every weekend doing this, what would ypu think?
For reference they have been divorced years,definitly just a friendship, adult daughter (28) lives there also.
Been together 4 months, bathroom was started before we met.
We are very serious about eachother and very happy with him.
But this is upsetting me now.
Spending all day sunday and sunday evening there until around 8pm.
Meaning Saturday is his only day off. He is constantly tired because he works really hard then this on top. Which means hes often tired and not willing to do things saturday evenings with me due to being up early to do this room.
We went for a meal Saturday night but was asleep by 10pm and up at 7 ready to do the room. So i feel its impacting the whole weekend. He also spent easter sunday and bank holuiday monday there while i was alone.
Am i right to feel annoyed?

Been together 4 months, bathroom was started before we met.

You are right, he should have stopped the moment he met you! What an arsehole!

How did you meet him, he's clearly got no time for a girlfriend.

I would assume they're sleeping together, sorry x

How long is this bathroom going to take - he’s been at it over 4 months already!

It's only been 4 months, your annoyed with him already, just throw this one back.

A bathroom does not take 4 months good god

How big is this bathroom????

If you're serious about him (after four months) but also getting cross with him finishing a project before he even met you then maybe he's not the one for you after all? You could try asking him much longer there is to go - sounds like he has been at it for 17 days in total if only doing it Sundays. Probably doing it for his daughter. Also after four months if you are seeing him once a week on Saturdays I really don't see the issue. You've barely been together five minutes, cheese in my fridge is older than your relationship. What is really your issue - the time he spends (one day a week) or where he spends it?

Unless you are in social housing

He is provably doing it for his daughter and potentially he sees the house as his daughters future inheritance.

You’re being unreasonable- I know it’s hard and my family have a similar situation - but this is something he started before he met you and is obliged to finish it. You can ask him to not do such tasks in future but for now I think you have to just suck it up sorry x

Have you had a conversation about it, along the lines of what's left to do there?! I couldn't bear to have a job like that dragging on for months on end so if I was his ex I would be wanting it wrapped up as well.

17 days or thereabouts if he has been doing it every Sunday for four months.

Well it wouldn't be the tenant's ex husband doing it around his full time job, would it?!

You have been together 4 months, you have no right to dictate how he spends his free time.
I think he is doing something nice for his ex who he is friendly with, and which also benefits his daughter. Nothing wrong with it.

You should be at the stage of enjoying dating with him right now, if you’re not then maybe he’s not the one for you, and maybe it’s not the right time for him to be starting a new relationship either

OP - relax...
For starters - he is not a "partner"... You barely know him.

But if you want to continue dating him - you'll need to let him finish the bathroom for his ex and daughter. Or - tell him to stop and watch him break up with you....(which is what he should do if you actually try blackmailing him)

I think it’s fine, because of this:

Been together 4 months, bathroom was started before we met

I know someone who had a fully disabled adapted bathroom fitted in 4 days recently. Taking 4 months is ridiculous. What on earth are they using in the meantime if the bathroom isn’t finished? I’d have got an actual contractor in long ago.
However the ex thing is less of an issue, his daughter lives there so of course a dad is going to help and replace her bathroom.
He’s obviously not very good if it’s taking this long.
Having no quality free time to date is a separate issue and that’s enough for you to move on. Whatever you choose, definitely don’t him near your sanitary wear!

Parts of this bathroom are older than your relationship and you’re already wanting to dictate how he spends his time 🙈

He’s probably just enjoying spending a bit more time with his DD while he’s there (as he should!), I don’t think he’s solidly beavering away in the bathroom.

Also, 4 months in…? He’s not your partner, he’s a new boyfriend and he had made a commitment before he even met you, so of course he should see it through.

Personally I never would have got involved with someone so entagled with his ex-wife that he spends his weekends with her doing jobs in her house.

Sounds like a very big bathroom too...roughly 3 working weeks so far and its still not done?

I don't think you are as serious as you seem to think though... you are hardly together anytime at all realistically and he's hardly ever around. He's been with this bathroom more days than with you it sounds like.

This is how they are - to some extent they're still operating as a family, presumably he helps them out because they are all happy with that.

It's unlikely to change, so you have to think through whether this would work for you long-term.

Jealousy isn't a good look. YABU.

Unless bathroom fitting is a euphemism for something else then I wouldn't be too concerned. It sounds like he already committed to completing the work on the bathroom before he met you and I actually find it quite admirable that he is committed to sticking to his word. I can see how you would find it frustrating, I think I would too. Can you ask him to provide an end date and explain that you're looking forward to being able to spend quality time with him? I'd try this in the first instance rather than framing it in a negative light and potentially y sounding needy. If it continues to feel like he is messing you around, reconsider your relationship.

He was going every evening and saturday also until recently so not just sundays.
And as for relationship not being serious after 4 months i was married for 26 years previously after knowing eachother 6 weeks it depends on the people .

He has also said that it isnt acceptable for my ex husband to help me and my young son at home or spend time together eg watching my sons sports together.
Which is another readon i am not pleased with the situation.