Babysitting and the parents have just called me drunk…

[ffsisthisreal]

45 minutes after they were meant to be home, steaming, from a club.

I can see this being a 2/3am job. I’ve got plans tomorrow and they’re family, so I do this for free.

AIBU to be raging?

Oh course you did. You had every authority to say "sorry, you said you'd be back at 11 and I've got an early start at work tomorrow, so I need to go"

Even if you think they'll ignore you, you still say it. You're basically giving them license to mess you about, by giving them the impression that it's okay.

The drama!! They were an hour later than they said they would be. They called to relay the information. That’s it. They came home sober.

Often the case with nights out, you just don’t know how the evening goes, sometimes you get home early as it’s a bit of a flop, sometimes you need to hang on a bit longer. This is just par for the course with babysitting.

They called the baby sitter who is family, to check on the children and say ‘gonna have another drink’. Babysitter said ‘okay’. If that was me I would have said ‘yeah fine, no worries, just chilling and watching Netflix’. But the OP should have said what she really feels which is….wait for it…..

I’ve had a busy day
I’ve got a busy day tomorrow
I can’t drive tired
I don’t understand this show on netflix
There’s no blankets on the sofa
Buses don’t start till 10am on Sunday
I’ll start a thread on Mumsnet - where people have advised me to just leave and call the Police.

The fucking drama! I think it’s best to decline any babysitting jobs in the future OP.

I'm really glad that you got home eventually now but this was the point when you needed to be assertive.

It would not have been rude or unreasonable to say "When I said everything is fine I meant that the children are asleep and there are no problems. But I am tired and I need to go to bed and we agreed 11pm so please can you come home". You have every right and authority to say that and I hope you are able to develop the self-esteem that you caninsist on being treated reasonably in future.

It would also have been reasonable to put yourself to bed in their bedafter their monumentally selfish decision to stay out so much later than agreed. Make the "how to sleep on the sofa" issue be their problem not yours.

People will treat you like a doormat if you act like one. I'm not blaming you, you are young and have only just finished surviving a childhood where quiet obedience was a survival strategy but you don't have to squish your own needs to prioritise other people's wants.

Glad you got home okay. I’m annoyed for you that you weren’t paid though. Why did you agree to that?

I’ve never been paid by either of my cousins to babysit, it’s just sort of expected

Let's hope they babysit for you when the time comes. Presumably they can baby sit for each other on a reciprocal basis. That's not the case for you. DD babysat for neighbours ten years ago. It was £10ph before midnight; £20ph after midnight. She was 17.

Why are you assuming the OP is young? She has said she’s an older cousin. I imagined her about 50.

Well you need to stop that, don't you. Who made that 'expectation'? Not you I bet. Stop being a doormat. Cheeky Fuckers and chancers get away with it when people allow them to. Refuse to babysit again unless you are paid, and demand it upfront. You are actively encouraging their bad behaviour, AND setting a bad example for the kids.

So what time did they actually get home?
They said 1030-11 and you assumed this meant 3am after they called you.
Seems a bit dramatic!

Going forward I’d charge them and insist that they put you up for the night.
I used to babysit and the parents liked to go on late night benders so she asked me to sleep over in the spare room and she paid well, I was 18 at the time. She’d pay me till about 10am so I got up with the kids so they could have a lie in.

Well knock that on the head
You're being taken advantage of

I'm imagining her about 25 - but I interpreted that she's an older cousin to the children rather than an older cousin to the parents. I think by 50 most women have managed to learn not to take this level of shit but a lot of young women in their 20s haven't learned how yet.

Does that make it right? Is it better that they're drunk and middle class than drunk and poor?

Yeah and cos its rich people its ok?! 🙄

So irresponsible. What if an emergency occurred? Both parents pissed up.

Plus hungover tomorrow. Poor kids.

Really can't fathom the obsession with drink in this country. If you have no kids do as you please....but there are so many children and young people messed up because of their parents attitudes towards drink. The parent dont even realise the damage they are doing.

Ffs have some alcohol free ones they taste the bloody same....you can have a great time and not get drunk 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

What a melodramatic thread. Your title suggests that the parents called you completely off their face but it sounds like they were sober enough to call you and say 'we fancy going to this nightclub are you ok for another hour or 2?' This was the time to say 'actually I have a really busy day tomorrow so I do need you back so I can go home' instead of just politely asserting your own needs on them you've started a thread on a public forum where the parents are being branded terrible and selfish and you're being goaded to call ss/police which could be hugely damaging for the parents. Can you not see that this wasn't the emotionally mature response and how this is at least a little bit on you for not just telling them what you need?

What an anti climax.
So they called and asked to stay out another drink, you agreed.
Yes, they should be paying you though.

Of course you had the authority. You were the person in charge of their children who had agreed to stay only until 11. You were absolutely entitled to say "No, one of you must be back by 11 because that is what you agreed and I have to leave then. If you're not back I will have to call social services."

What age are you @ffsisthisreal?

It sounds like you need a lot of sleep.

All very dramatic.

Well wouldn’t you think they would value you and pay you or give you a gift voucher or something! You’re minding their precious cargo!!

Glad you got home ok at 130am ish

they took the piss and I wouldn’t ever babysit again for them

esp as free

hope you told them how cross you were , you agreed 1030/11

As is often said, "no good deed goes unpunished".

Glad you got home ok albeit late

No more babysitting for free and please learn to stand up for yourself when someone pushes for more than you’re willing to do! None of this “no authority” stuff, when it’s YOUR time being messed about with you absolutely have authority.

What do you mean that you didn't have the authority? Sorry OP but YABU to lie down like a doormat and then complain when people walk all over you. You babysit for free, you don't speak up when they say they are staying out (didn't ask, just told you), you don't see the point in messaging or calling because they won't listen....? Unless there's a big back story, I would strongly suggest counselling to work on your confidence, self-esteem and assertiveness. They are taking the piss and you're letting them.

When they called and said "one more drink" why didn't you say we agreed the time you would be home and i need to get home as i have plans tomorrow so please honour aour agreement and come home immediately ?
You need to assert your boundaries .

I'm that (child free) auntie who did all the babysitting for my siblings when their kids were younger. I loved it have to say - since I could hand the kids back!

Anyway OP, I don't think you should lose your shit over this, it happens and parents just love a kid free (rare) night out now and then and sometimes push the envelope.

But in your case, I would plan THEIR night out to coincide with an overnight/late night where you do not have to get up early next day. I always made sure of that, so it didn't matter if parents were late home. I was never paid for this, nor did I want to be.

Just saying....