Babysitting and the parents have just called me drunk…

[ffsisthisreal]

45 minutes after they were meant to be home, steaming, from a club.

I can see this being a 2/3am job. I’ve got plans tomorrow and they’re family, so I do this for free.

AIBU to be raging?

It doesn't matter in the slightest what any other parents do @Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit! It is totally unacceptable for any adult who is in sole charge of a child, to be under the influence of alcohol, or any other drugs - illicit or legal - if the substance has made them unable to function as well as they would when not under the influence of a mind altering substance.

As the parents of one or more children, this couple should never both drink or take drugs at the same time as the other parent. The only time a single parent, or guardian, should ever even contemplate being over the legal limit of any such mind altering matter, is when their child is away from home, and staying with a trusted, loved, and capable adult, or, when the parents are going to be away overnight, and the babysitter is well known and trusted by both the parent/s and the child/ren.

I am finding it rather hard to believe that you, 'Imanexcellentdriver....', came out with such a childish response to the OP's thread. It reminds me of the well known "But mummy, all the other children were allowed to watch that age 12 film" or "every other child in my class have those £150 sneakers, so I will be bullied if I don't have them too!" .....

Well I hope you told them that they have entirely fucked up any chance of you babysitting again in the future.

Don't be so ridiculous of course you have and should have said something.

Thats on you though
Why did you agree to babysit? Why did you not make it clear that you were only available until a certain time?

I certainly wouldn't be asking you to babysit if your priority is your own sleep rather than the safety of children - especially ones you are related to and presumably actually love!!! Jeez.

You call them back and say, everything is ok with the kids however I am not able to stay any longer so you need to come home now?

Like an actual adult?

OP I’m glad you’re home and safe. This thread is an interesting read for me - on the ad hoc nights we pay babysitters, we often have v late nights, agreed in advance and paid in full per hour! Am non British and have always found closing times early here, plus I love to dance and share a drink or two with my husband. It’s fun. (And no they are not at risk, we could respond in an emergency. It’s possible to drink without being uncontrollably drunk. not that it’s the focus of our evening).
My experience differs from the ring 111 crowd here - and to be fair I recognise that your family, and unpaid, and they were an hour later home than expected. Which is unfair! (But also happens fairly frequently in social situations? Esp when travel is involved).
Our regular sitters say they value the longer babysitting hours and would prefer to work less frequently for longer. Snacks, warmth and a blanket for the sofa.
When I was a teenager I used to work an overnight once a month for two different families, 4pm to 11am the next day (ad hoc weekend nanny type role). I loved it. It allowed me £ for uni and during uni. I studied and slept and got the kids out in the am to parks etc. Still in touch with one of the families now (20+ years later).
While I understand you may never want to offer to babysit for your family again. You do need to communicate. It’s very possible they won’t have any understanding of you being upset with them.

it sounds a bit crap but you agreed 11ish, they called and asked to stay for one more and you said ‘oh okay’ and they were back about midnight.

I don’t think they were unreasonable tbh.

If more generally though you have a hard cut off of 11, or you want to be paid, you need to make that clear.

Be realistic. If that's the case, then more parents should be tee-total. But they're not.

Now personally, as someone who doesn't drink, I'd support that. But imagine across the UK just how many parents there are right now who have been out drinking or got drunk in front of the TV after their kids were in bed. By morning, they will mostly have sobered up and just experiencing the inevitable pain of an early wake up call with kids and a hangover. That's called "consequences".

OP, stop babysitting for free and if 11pm is a hard cut off time, you probably shouldn't be babysitting anyway, even if you are being paid.

I would go to sleep in their bed

With care OP, you absolutely have authority here. You actually have the only authority here as the person watching their kids. I am guessing there’s some sort of expectation of extended family here and it’s hard to break out of it, but you need to figure out how to create and maintain boundaries for yourself or this nonsense will continue.

At a literal bare minimum, never babysit for them again.

Never ever babysit for them again- if they complain cite this as the reason.

Very dramatic thread.

Couple stayed out a little later when they had a babysitter, and rang and checked first., is what it boiled down to.

Op - it sounds like you were too busy to babysit this weekend, I think thaf is the point in which you should have said no. You said it yourself - you wouldn't have minded except you had other stuff on.

Bonkers suggestion. If you actually think that was a good idea you need help.

OP I’ve been in your shoes before. It’s simply not as easy as everyone likes to claim to be so assertive and insist they just return home. I used to find all sorts of reasons to try and avoid babysitting for certain relatives because of this. Then luckily had my own kids and now I just never get asked. Glad you got home eventually.

Yes you do. You had an agreed time they’d be home. You absolutely could’ve said “sorry but you said you’d be home for 10.30/11, I’ve got an early start tomorrow I need to get myself home.” Stand up for yourself.

When they called, instead of saying everything was OK I'd have told them I was ready and waiting to head home as agreed, and where were they?

Jesus you have authority over your own life! This involves you and you have agency.

you agreed 11, they want to change it to 3am.

you don’t want that, so you say No.

ive never heard of anyone so weirdly passive.

Honestly OP you needed to tell them when they called that you had plans the next day so needed to be home by midnight at the absolute latest (or whatever) and stick to it. They’re not mindreaders and if you said it was fine to stay out then they just took you at your wird. They called to check, you said fine, so they stayed out. You really only have yoursekf to blame surely?

Baffled by all the people who think someone's kids are automatically at risk because they've been drinking. What do you think is going to happen? Massive drama and overreaction. They were sober enough to call and check on the kids, sober enough to get themselves home, stop making a meal of it. (I don't drink before anyone starts. Just think it's silly.)

But I wasn’t - we agreed 11, which gave me plenty of time before they pushed it back.

I think you're the one being childish honestly. "Both parents should never drink at the same time" is a rule you've just made up and are insisting is an absolute. Many people would disagree that this is an absolute standard.

I used to babysit a lot too and would get a call
like this too occasionally. One dad wss
quite drunk when he got back, he asked me
how much he owed me, I was honest but totally could have said more 🤣
I didn’t usually mind but sometimes I was so tired and wanted to go home. The only time it annoyed me was when I’d agreed to babysit on a work night and said I can’t go past 11 or something and then they got back later. Usually they call and apologise to say they were running late.
And I was being paid. I never would have done it for free!

The kids will be fine.

Sorry but i wasn’t about to sleep on a sofa without a pillow or blanket because they’d had a few drinks 😂 I wasn’t paid.

This.

Commas are your friend @ffsisthisreal : )

I find it bizarre yhat you didn’t say “ no come home now , we agreed 11, I have a busy day tomorrow. “ You sound unable to be assertive with them and in that case should avoid their company and people you can’t be assertive with and not agree to babysit again. They can pay someone as they obviously don’t respect your time.