To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

Yes you can - just do it! If he turns up on the doorstep and won’t leave call the police and tell them you are frightened of him and so are your children and tell them you’ve just given birth and separated from him and they will tell D hay it’s a civil matter but also escort him off the premises

I can’t believe he still had the cheek to go

Because he doesn’t care. In reality, it’s probably been this way for a while, but it’s more obvious to OP because a) postpartum and b) he’s slowly but surely getting worse.

Just block him for now. He’s not going to be calling you with any information about the kids when he is Ibiza, so he has no information that is relevant to you. If you have information about the kids that he needs to know you can still contact him or have someone contact him on your behalf.

you can unblock the number later, or use a different way of communicating when it comes to sorting things out with the kids.

if you have messages of you asking him to leave you alone and then he keeps messaging, screen shot them, save them somewhere he can’t get to them and make you tell your solicitor about them. They see shitty men like this all the time and can provide some qualified advice.

He’s very immature and not ready to be a partner and dad. Sadly I’d bail out from this. It’s prob dawning on him what a mess he’s made of things. But I don’t think you can trust him not to go awol again. His mum sounds awful but at the end of the day he’s a grown up. (Although not behaving like one)

Find a solicitor and put the wheels in motion for a divorce ASAP.

Op, do you own your home and is there much equity in it?
How long have you been married?

Not to scare you but you need to track what he does / has done for the 3 yr old. If he can convince a judge that he is the stay at home parent and responsible for the 3yr old care/activities he could have more of a claim. That said if the 3 yr old is in nursery and you do it all as I suspect then he has a tough gig to prove.

Is a judge going to be persuaded by a man who goes on a bender the night his wife and newborn baby comes back from the hospital then fucks off on a lads holiday to Ibiza. It doesn’t scream primary carer does it ?

He’s gone to Ibiza when his baby is less than 2 weeks old?

How the fuck does he think there’s any coming back from this?

I’d block his number and change the locks on the house. If it’s in joint names you’ll probably have to let him back in but it will send him a message.

This has got to be some sort of joke?!?!!?

i would have blocked him. Do you own or rent?

We have a mortgage x

He can't do anything let him try. Just protect yourself go get legal advice and go from there. He is not a nice or responsible parent. Keep the messages and let it all show for itself.

It doesn’t sound to me as if he is capable of paying the mortgage, plus as others have said, I doubt he has a chance of taking the house anyway. Stick to your guns OP

He won't get the house. He can get fucked on that one.

How awful for you. This is meant to be a very special time for you. Change those locks and speak to a solicitor.

Where did the deposit for the house come from? Did he pay it and that is why he thinks he can ‘take it’?

Please get legal advice, op.

Right well he isn't going to take the house from you. That's a problem to deal with next week, ok?

Block his number temporarily, to give yourself some peace. When is he due back?

You WILL be able to cope on your own. Your life will be much better without a selfish idiot like this. His mum sounds ghastly.

I would send him ONE message. "twatface*, our marriage is over. I have packed your bags and you need to stay with your parents or elsewhere. Do NOT enter the house and do not contact me again".

*or whatever his name is"

Then block his number for now so you can have time to reflect on your next steps. What did the solicitor say?

I have had the locks changed x

Im so proud of you. You are brave and your doing the right thing. Make sure you keep backups of all your texts and messages. Also of any evidence that he skipped the country.

Well done. Remember to have RL back up people when he turns up and starts hammering on the door. Big burly friend or family member might be a good idea. The way he has treated you makes him think he can do what he wants and that attitude won't have disappeared, so expect and prepare for a battle.well done. Taking back control.

I think you got his name spot on

I have been looking at this thread for the last week now !! What an awful time you are having and his Mother is an absolute disgrace my heart ❤️ goes out to you and your children!! The advice and support from all the lovely people on here has been amazing!! Stay strong !! you and your children will be better off without that little shit !! And most of all you will be happy!!

Well done. You are doing the right thing. Stay strong.
When you falter, just remember how awful he made you feel. His is some of the worst legal behaviour I could imagine from a human being.