To be furious with DH for this?

[Coffeecherrymama]

First night home since giving birth and DH has gone out with his mates drinking and still isn’t home and he isn’t answering any calls or messages. He didn’t give me any choice, he just said he was going out with his “mates” and then left and said he would be back before 10pm but he’s still not home! I’m so angry that he has just left me here with our newborn when he knows I’m struggling but his mum says I’m overreacting and that he’s “entitled to a night out”! I feel like I could just cry to be honest! AIBU?

And you won’t have to spend any time cleaning up his vomit

You will manage on your own OP. He’s a dreadful liar and blaming you. I’d not forgive that.

@Coffeecherrymama

(read your latest updates)

Wow!

So he’s doubling down…. He really has shown you who he is.

I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this right now.

I know you’re worried about coping without him. Honestly, I think you will find a way. It’ll be really hard, it’ll take time to find your rhythm and to problem solve the different layers, but future you won’t regret it. What would the alternative look like now in all honesty anyway?

You deserve better! And better might just be him not adding to your stresses.

Unbelievable that he should behave like this even if he did somehow think you’d agreed to either the first night drinking or trip away! He’s a selfish idiot not a mature caring man, and certainly not a husband or father.
it will be tough going to start with but it sounds like you have a great sister beside you - I think you will have a better life without him.

So he’s gone from denying he is going to Ibiza, to saying you agreed he could go, within a couple of days?

If his parents believe him and justify his actions they’re scumbags too. I’d have nothing to do with them either as sounds like they enable his behaviour. So sorry you’re going through this post partum, definitely speak with the midwife as I expect you’re having regular visits ?

Who is he taking to Ibiza with him? I presume he’s paid for the tickets, so is he paying for this other person too? I’d find it odd if he was paying for a mate to go with him.

Women that I have met tend to do well on their own with children, they are not having to worry about what the arsehole is doing. You have made these children I suspect without any help from him. You have probably put up with bad behaviour before but brushed it off. He has probably been abusive for a while. Reach out to women’s aid, they can direct you to help, support groups, support with benefits. This isn’t just him being a prat this is him knowingly planning to abandon his newly delivered partner this is abusive. don’t be surprised if more stuff comes out now you made a decision to divorce.

So he denied that he’s going to Ibiza? Well the first thing I’d have said to that is “ok well I’ve cancelled the flights anyway” then watch his reaction

Agree.
Filming him in a disgusting is a great idea and proof.
As is disposing of his phone permanently.
Huge inconvenience to him.
He won't remember.

I agree with this, op is maybe forgetting that the main cause of her problems is this man and not her children.
However he will want you to feel as if you can't cope without him that's why he's doing this OP- he wants to get more leverage so that he can dominate and control you for his own benefit.

You’ll cope better than you think as you won’t have a husband you can’t rely on. He’s lied to you as said he knew nothing about the tickets to Ibiza and then told
his parents you were letting him go. You can’t trust him (nor his parents). Surround yourself and rely on people you can trust, like your sister. What’s her advice?

Sounds to me as if he wants out, I would let him go he sounds horrible and useless and his parents are scum. He doesnt have a job so who is paying for his holiday? Just get rid of the trash.

Oh jeez. Another one. Is this completely new unsurprising behaviour? I doubt it very much, so may women become pregnant by men who act like children but expect that they’ll miraculously grow up overnight because you have given birth. He sounds like a dick. I know so many MILs like this so precious over their little boys, who can’t do anything wrong in their eyes.

I thought you'd been home a month or two at first and still thought YWNBU - I imagine if you wanted a night out you wouldn't be able to just say 'well I'm entitled to go out', you'd be checking with him first so I'm not sure why he felt entitled to just waltz off?

Only to discover it was the night you got home from the hospital!? What on earth was he thinking!? Bless you OP, you deserve far better and I'm sure you will cope without him. It will probably prove easier actually. He's clearly one of those men who thinks sitting in the same house as his child is enough parenting for a Dad. Sounds like you'll be far better off without him!

You will find the strength to get through it wont be easy sometimes. He booked a holiday without telling you to leave you alone to care for 2 DCs when you have just delivered his child!!!! What is there to stay for? He doesnt work, he is a liar, he is a sneak he sounds like a mummies boy. How will you ever trust him again . At the age of 62 I can honestly tell you that unless a man is an equel partner its just not worth it, you can get a dildo to perform his functions. He might have the kids for a couple of weekends a month if you divorce which sadly is a huge amount of free time compared to a married women. Men are failing badly and they cant even work out why. Their loneliness epidemic is self inflicted. Unlike previous generations of women you dont have to put up with the scraps he thinks you deserve. Good luck.

Schrodinger's Ibiza Trip!

His Mum is typically taking his side. It could be against the law to change the locks but you can go to the family Court and get an Occupation Order particul rly if he frightened your child. Similarly, if he goes off and leaves you alone with a 3 yr old plus a new baby, the Court could take measures. Keeping him out depends on you saying he is frightening both you and your little one. Might make him think too. You need support around you and a plan that doesn’t depend on him. If he comes home drunk or frightening, call police. Right now your recovery and the baby come first.

I think his mum paid for him but I’m not 100% sure x

He does have savings which he could have used too x

Yes to assist you once home. A cleaner, post birth stay in a private facility, decent takeaway delivered to home etc etc.

his mum sounds like a piece of work with absolutely no standards and of low moral fibre.

Have they always been like this?

Is mum sounds awful OP you’ve literally just given birth and she’s enabling her son to treat you this way it’s so cruel how are you feeling

what an absolute waste of a space of a father and husband. You’re far better off without him in your life.

And the MIL. With people like this, who needs enemies eh!

I haven’t got time to read the replies so I’m sure I’m not alone in saying this, but just in case:
You already are coping on your own. You handled a brand new baby and a toddler on your own in an extremely upsetting and stressful situation. There won’t be a night on your own that is harder than the one he just gave you (bar maybe a few exceptional events like illnesses etc). The difference will be that you won’t have been put through the wringer in the process. You absolutely can handle day to day life on your own. I’d wager that your life would actually get much easier in the long term.
Big hugs to you x