AIBU to refuse a council house over stairs and no outside space?

[Stressedmum6761]

Hi, I really need some advice on what to do here please I've been crying all morning and scouring the Internet. I'm on the council housing list, have been for 3 years now because of the state of my current ground floor flat. The council came out to do a review and put my banding up.

I got a call yesterday out of the blue to view a house I bid on before Christmas and was 47th in the queue so didn't think I would have any chance. The woman said it has a small yard and a downstairs bathroom. My daughter is 6 and I'm so so scared she's going to fall down the stairs in the night time to use the toilet, she sleepwalks and is currently on the pathway for ASD, when she goes to the loo in the flat I have to battle to steer her back to bed or she's wandering about on her own for god knows how long.

I've also been to look at the house through the windows and it 100% does not have a yard as the lady said as the bathroom has been built on as an extension downstairs. I know this sounds so ungrateful but I don't want us moving from bad to worse, our current flat has a tiny little yard that I've managed to squeeze a bench and a mini greenhouse into so my daughter at least has somewhere she can sit outside when she's had a meltdown or needs to regulate herself.

I'm so worried if I turn this down by saying I'm worrying about the stairs at night I'll be taken down a band. Has anyone successfully turned down a property for safety concerns and not been penalised? Thank you 😊

I'm a retired housing officer for a local authority. I would suggest that you go and view the property and discuss with the housing officer showing you round what would happen if you refuse. Some local authorities allow you to refuse a specific number of times, others take the view that if you refuse once you are no longer considered. If you feel a house is no longer suitable for medical reasons, discuss that with them too. No one here tell you what will happen because all local authorities are different. The one where I last worked has become much stricter on people refusing, as they think if you are in need and then refuse you really aren't desperate. In that area people are waiting years for a viewing and it's getting worse.
So, go and look, ask, then make up your mind based on facts.

You could accept the property and see how it goes . You can do a mutual exchange after 12 months if you dont like it.

You may be able to turn this one down without any impact on your banding etc but you need to consider the risks. You might wait months or years before being offered another house. And that house might also have a downstairs toilet, or be in a worse area, or any number of things that make it even more unsuitable than this one. And you won't be able to turn that one down.

@Stressedmum6761 does your dd have a formal diagnosis for neuro diversity or any physical needs?

Go and see the flat and see if it is adequate. A stair gate and potty/camping toilet would do the trick. Is it better than what you have? Before you turn it down, take legal advice.

The alternative is to rent privately and get exactly what you want, where you want. Is there something that lrevents you from doing that? If so, perhaps you need to be glad that society is housing you.

You should move in and try it out for 6 months rather than just declining it immediately. If it is not suitable you inform Council with details of why you need to move and dates of anything that happened re. child - you will then be in the ''system'' and show you are cooperative.

Go and view. See if you could make it work. If you're unsure check your council policy on what happens if you refuse a 'reasonable' offer and contact shelter for advice on whether you have good grounds to argue its not reasonable. Unless they give you strong advice you could challenge, accept the offer and give it a go.
Don't risk priority housing status or the chance of an affordable secure tenancy by even considering private renting unless you try the new place and its intolerable. The choice you get privately doesn't go near to balancing the benefits of being a council tenant. Once in the council place there's nothing to stop you applying for a transfer on medical grounds.

Our neighbours over the road used to do this. Narrow little street. Was great at 7 on a Sunday morning 25 metres from my bedroom window 🙄

No one in the right mind should choose the security of the roof over their head to be dependent on the whim of a private landlord, and pay much more for the privilege, if they had the option of a secure affordable SH tenancy. It would have to be an appalling council offer for this advice to be in the OPs interests.

100% agree @5128gap

Do sleepwalkers fall down the stairs?

You sound a bit dramatic to be honest.
I hate to say it but how do you think people that own/privately rent deal with sleepwalking/stairs?
Most people can't just up and move so they put preventative measures in place.
Already lots of ideas on this thread, door alarm, stair gate, camping loo, co sleeping, sleeping downstairs etc. It is hardly an insurmountable problem!
Just admit you want a property with a large garden (you seem unnecessarily focused on the small yard!) Lots of us have brought children up with no outside space at all, it isn't a requirement of parenthood.

What a weird fake boast.

OP it sounds to me that you are being a bit precious. At the end of the day, it’s secure council housing for you and child to feel safe in. I don’t understand why you are crying. There are adjustments that can be easily made to make sure your daughter doesn’t fall down the stairs. Most people with young kids do exactly what you are doing when they have a sleep walker, it’s not unusual and it’s not something that’s the end of the world, it’s just normal parenting. You haven’t even seen the property but you have been crying all morning. It might be a good idea to pull yourself together and go see it before you make a decision.

That is the point the poster is making. I made the same point

The offer clearly is not appalling, it just has a downstairs bathroom and probably a tiny yard. Like countless properties up and down the country that people are very happy in and manage perfectly well.

I lived in a house with a downstairs bathroom and my parents never worried about us falling down the stairs!
As a child I often went down on my bum, was fun. The only time I ever fell was missing the bottom step! Which I still do as an adult!
My parents still live in the same house and they have a commode chair. As they are late 80’s!

46 other people won’t have turned it down

You'd be mad to turn it down. Being offered a property is gold dust. You'll likely to go down on the housing list. You can't afford to be choosy.

With social housing you will need tontake ehat is offered and make dome adjustments. A garden is not a priority. There will be a lot of families in accommodation ththat doesn't tick all of their boxes. Social housing is affordable and much cheaper than renting privately.

If your daughter sleep walks are you not vigilant in the night anyway? What difference would it make if she needs to go to the toilet in the night if you'you're most likely awake.

If your current accommodation isn't fit got purpose and you need to move then you will need to get on with it.

As OPs have suggested, you could use a stair gate to stop your daughter going downstairs.

I do think you could teach your daughter some more independence on using the stairs. Keep a light on all night. Kids with ADHD aren't stupid. They can learn. Just repeat what she needs to do and show her.

Depending on the council and availibilty of suitable housing, being in system doesnt gurantee a quick move it could take years .

It depends on the rules of your LA.

When I was on it, the band I was on meant that I could turn 1 or 2 properties but those higher than me could not turn them down.

You have to be very careful about what you bid on.

What did the advert say?
If they try and put you down a band then you could argue that it said something different in the advert.

Obviously beggars can’t be choosers but no one would blame you for not taking a property that is worse than your current one.

Even though it’s worse than her current property?

Because it has stairs.

Its not 'worse', she says it doesnt have a garden. She has disbelieved the woman who told her there was a yard by looking through the windows.

If its worse then she can stay where she is.

You know millions of people live in apartments abroad with no outside space, many also do in this country too. Not ideal, but fine.

Check out the rules, I think you have three chances x

You could just potentially be getting a cold feet because you're scared of the unknown and something new.
I almost turned down the opportunity to move to a 3 bed house from a 2 bed second floor flat, with 3 children because I was comfortable and had made it work. This was despite me being absolutely desperate to have a bedroom and not sleep in the living room!
Thankfully I saw sense. You really should take it. In our area you get 1 refusal.