AIBU to refuse a council house over stairs and no outside space?

[Stressedmum6761]

Hi, I really need some advice on what to do here please I've been crying all morning and scouring the Internet. I'm on the council housing list, have been for 3 years now because of the state of my current ground floor flat. The council came out to do a review and put my banding up.

I got a call yesterday out of the blue to view a house I bid on before Christmas and was 47th in the queue so didn't think I would have any chance. The woman said it has a small yard and a downstairs bathroom. My daughter is 6 and I'm so so scared she's going to fall down the stairs in the night time to use the toilet, she sleepwalks and is currently on the pathway for ASD, when she goes to the loo in the flat I have to battle to steer her back to bed or she's wandering about on her own for god knows how long.

I've also been to look at the house through the windows and it 100% does not have a yard as the lady said as the bathroom has been built on as an extension downstairs. I know this sounds so ungrateful but I don't want us moving from bad to worse, our current flat has a tiny little yard that I've managed to squeeze a bench and a mini greenhouse into so my daughter at least has somewhere she can sit outside when she's had a meltdown or needs to regulate herself.

I'm so worried if I turn this down by saying I'm worrying about the stairs at night I'll be taken down a band. Has anyone successfully turned down a property for safety concerns and not been penalised? Thank you 😊

She’s six, more than capable of waking you up if she needs the loo. Or buy a commode if going downstairs really is that much of a problem

When I was working, in housing, much of my job was about managing expectations. Many people had very unrealistic ideas of what they could bid for, how many properties became available and there was a belief that although they had never seen a suitable property in the area they wanted, somehow one would become available just because they were bidding.
I'm not unsympathetic, I've never been unsympathetic, but often the housing stock is so small with few vacancies, and people really need to think hard about what they will reasonably be offered.

It would probably help if they refrained from bidding on properties they don’t actually want as well!

She is on the pathway for ASD. That doesn't automatically make the house unsuitable. Suggestions have been made for using the toilet at night - which won't last forever, so short term. There is minimal outside space and the bathroom is downstairs which isn't ideal when DC are small, but will be fine in a few years when she either doesn't need the toilet in the night or is perfectly capable of going down to the bathroom on her own. If it was simply a case of its unsuitable due to a disability, OP wouldn't be posting on here, she would have just refused it.

I'd seriously consider a commode somewhere upstairs for at night. I grew up with grandparents that had a downstairs outside toilet in their council house and there was a potty/chamber pot under the bed - so id not see this as a particular problem

Find out what the rules are for turning down a property? Where I am you get 3 offers.

Put a camping toilet upstairs so she can use it at night time, we did this with a young child in 4 stories. The garden, you will just have to make do with. It’s perfectly surmountable.

It's not uncommon for autistic children to sleep poorly. DS used to get up every hour or two.

The OP has already had dozens of posts saying she should take the house and why. She doesn’t need you to say it yet again.

What she needs now is to view it with the support of a good friend or family member. If she’s upset, good support is massively helpful.

I'm sure you know this but people don't read.
They Skim and then start barking on stuff they made up as they were punching the keys to type their outrage over something that never happened.

This place is awesome for that 😂

Get support from CAB, they helped me appeal an offer and I got a much better house the next time

Ok but the issue wasn’t the stairs, all houses have stairs (otherwise it’s a flat or bungalow) the issue was her needing to use the stairs in the night to go to the toilet so a staircase didn’t address that

Unsure how your system works..
Here you can say no 2 tunes but must take 3rd or come off list.

I would get some stair gate & make it work.
You are lucky it only took you 3 years to be offered this..
I was in list 16 years before being offered my property.
Council housing is at a premium..I would caution anyone serious about turning an offer down

Hey so I've read through the comments on here and I just want to say thank you for the helpful comments (for the rude and unhelpful ones I'm not going to thank you)

The issue is I cannot baby gate the stairs (or lock her in her room as some people have suggested which is super dangerous) as she would need to use the toilet in the night and if I don't hear her it may be she has an accident either falling down them trying to take herself or wets herself if she doesn't make it in time. Yes a motion sensor or a chemical toilet would be a good suggestion so thank you for those.

For the lovely people who have either told me to get a job, go private or buy my own house...I do work. I work full time. If I was in a position to go private or even buy my own house I wouldn't be on the list in the first place. Even the private ones that have been in my budget I've been turned down for even a viewing straight away or I don't have a homeowner guarantor within their ridiculous goal posts.

I've checked the guidelines for my council and they have said band b can have 2 reasonable refusals. This would be my first (if I do refuse it) and I'm going to view it tomorrow on my lunch break at work. I am going with an open mind but I am going to express my concerns to the housing officer.

To the people who have called me dramatic..this is a life changing decision. Moving from one place to another and having to pour what little money I have into making somewhere a home isn't something ideal..I'm aware all council properties are the same but obviously anyone would be upset if the house wasn't something they were happy with.

The house is in a very rough area and for me to be offered a viewing that far down the list there has to be someone (or a few people) who have also gone to see it and turned it down for some reason or another. Even if I did take it I doubt someone would do a swap with me in a years time because of where it is so I would essentially be stuck there for a very long time. Thinking back to it I think I bidded on it, found out where it was and was supposed to withdraw my bid but must of not done it in time, with me finishing at 47th I didn't think I'd be offered it anyway.

Also to the ableists who said that my daughter having a meltdown would "p*ss off my neighbours" I do not send my daughter outside while this happens..how could you read my post and think that? If a disabled child pisses you off then that is a you issue.

As for the garden an outside space would be amazing and I don't think I'm unreasonable for being disheartened that a house wouldn't have any...I've seen so many 2 bedroomed houses on property pool that have garden space. I completely understand that council housing is in a crisis but still I don't think that means people have to put up with living in a sh*tehole just because they're poor. It's all well and good when most of the people being judgey probably own their own homes and don't have to think about this sort of thing, it's giving ivory tower.

Go with an open mind like you said as you may be surprised. But if you aee able to turn down 2 then absolutely do so if this one doesn't work for you, I wouldn't want to live somewhere without outside space. And the toilet isn't ideal I use to be terrified as a kid going to the toilet in the middle of the night and that was an upstairs toilet.

yes because the people that own their own homes didn’t work really hard to get there … ivory tower? hardly … I think you are the one that’s judgy!

Not once have I insinuated that. It was for the people who have commented "just buy a house" or "just go private" it's not that simple and that's what is giving ivory tower.

Yes exactly I am going to go with an open mind but I'm not going to be forced somewhere where I don't want to go or if I feel it will put us in danger/worse situation than we are now.

I hope you will be pleasantly surprised 🤞🏻

Anyone that actually owns a house would know it’s not that simple so unless they are born rich, I doubt that are sat in an ivory tower!

I guess it depends why you are on the list to move. If your current house is ok and you can stay there indefinitely, so in other words you are in the list to move because you may find and qualify for a more suitable house, then the house you turned down was probably less suitable so you were right to turn it down. If you are on the list because you are in a even more unsuitable property at the moment, or you will soon HAVE to move out of your current property and can't afford to rent or buy privately, then you have turned down a property which you could have make work better than your current one, which was silly.

it sounds pretty crap OP and the fact up to 46 people have turned it down before you is saying something I feel! How bad is your current place? Why do you need to move from it?

There are an awful of people suggesting stairgates which are not recommended once children are big enough to climb over as it adds to the risk rather than prevents it.

Very surprised at the lack of general knowledge here.

Go and view it. Does she regually get up in the night for the toilet? Most can go through the night at that age. Limit fluids before bed. Stair gate and if she needs to loo ask her to call you. Sleep walking will be an issue regardless of toilet downstairs you'd still need the stair gate on in a house for safety. A maisonette sounds a better option but it's really bloody hard to get a council house fullstop so you can't be too picky. You might like it when you see it so give it a look.