AIBU to refuse a council house over stairs and no outside space?

[Stressedmum6761]

Hi, I really need some advice on what to do here please I've been crying all morning and scouring the Internet. I'm on the council housing list, have been for 3 years now because of the state of my current ground floor flat. The council came out to do a review and put my banding up.

I got a call yesterday out of the blue to view a house I bid on before Christmas and was 47th in the queue so didn't think I would have any chance. The woman said it has a small yard and a downstairs bathroom. My daughter is 6 and I'm so so scared she's going to fall down the stairs in the night time to use the toilet, she sleepwalks and is currently on the pathway for ASD, when she goes to the loo in the flat I have to battle to steer her back to bed or she's wandering about on her own for god knows how long.

I've also been to look at the house through the windows and it 100% does not have a yard as the lady said as the bathroom has been built on as an extension downstairs. I know this sounds so ungrateful but I don't want us moving from bad to worse, our current flat has a tiny little yard that I've managed to squeeze a bench and a mini greenhouse into so my daughter at least has somewhere she can sit outside when she's had a meltdown or needs to regulate herself.

I'm so worried if I turn this down by saying I'm worrying about the stairs at night I'll be taken down a band. Has anyone successfully turned down a property for safety concerns and not been penalised? Thank you 😊

Depends if you want to move or are happy to stay put, there are solutions but you only want a house with a garden there are plenty in the private rental market.

Take it. It's a house. Go to the park. At six she can navigate stairs right? If not and sleep walking is the issue can she sleep in your bed until she is older and you can take her down?

I’m not surprised that @Stressedmum6761 has been crying. Some posters have an empathy bypass!

For someone to move up the housing priority list in their current accommodation, it has been deemed unsuitable for them. I knew a single parent with a terminal illness in this exact scenario. Their flat was poorly constructed and mouldy regardless of the amount spent on heating / dehumidifiers. Their need was uprated yet it took 9 months to find new suitable accommodation.

It must be so stressful to live in unsuitable accommodation whilst raising a child and navigating her additional needs as she grows up.

Stressed mum, I would go and see it if you can. Can you take a friend or family member with you who knows you and your family’s needs well? Someone who can see potential? It sounds as though you’re struggling for headspace in this less than ideal scenario. I feel you need some real life support from people who want to see your family thrive.

Don't be daft OP and take the house.

Social housing is in such short supply.

What matters is that you and your child have a secure, affordable tenancy and a roof over your head.

You can always argue later with the council that the property needs some further adaptations for your daughter's needs.

I don’t get why you bid on a property that had a downstairs bathroom if sleepwalks

but stairgate and camping loo

Are you sure it doesn't have a toilet upstirs? One of my friends had a house with a downstairs bathroom but there was also a loo upstirs.

Which is exactly why op should take this house...her flat is unsuitable and has been deemed so, so she needs to move

An upstairs toilet is not essential since neither she nor her daughter cannot navigate stairs.

Also, outdoor space is not essential.

Op needs to put her level head on and accept that it is extremely rare to find a property with no compromises, so make the best of it to move out of unsuitable flat

Take the house and then try to do a swap. That’s probably better than rejecting.

Yes, yabvvvu. 3 years on the housing list is nothing. An upstairs bathroom wouldn’t stop her falling down the stairs another time. I have a double rail, gate, thick carpet. My children do fall down the stairs on occasion due to balance and coordination issues.

You're within your rights to turn it down for any reason you want to, but just be aware of the possible consequences. It's completely up to your to do your own risk assessment when it comes to the state of your current flat vs your concerns over this new one.

Take the house, try it, if it doesnt work mutual exchange in a year or so

I had a sleepwalker and she would go downstairs make herself a drink, or just wander downstairs with what appears no reason and then walk straight back upstairs 🤦🏻‍♀️ it was worrying at first but her epilepsy nurse said that actually it’s very unusual for someone sleepwalking not to be able to use stairs etc (doesn’t mean the risks are eliminated) they can do a lot of their usually daily things they would do if they were awake. Now how true that is I would like to say but in our case it was absolutely the case. Was super surreal and strange though. And our bathroom was upstairs. We did have stair gates but she just opened them and the closed the behind her. She did eventually grow out of it.

personally I would accept it, for me that reason wouldn’t stop me accepting it I would just try and make it work and put things in place to make it a little safer even if it’s to put your mind at ease. There are a lot of old council properties with downstairs bathrooms as this was how they were made back when they were built. Without speaking to the council direct about what happens if you refuse an offer you won’t really know your options. At our council you can not refuse as you are seen as choosing to remain in inadequate housing

Definitely do not consider locking her in her room as someone suggested. So so dangerous. Guess a stair gate. If you’re concerned that she may get over it as she’s 6 get one that is used for dogs. We had one and it looked like a normal stair gate but was twice the height.

That’s not what op said - she said DD sits outside when she’s had a meltdown, not during one. And fresh air can be important to self regulating. Frankly if her DD has special needs OP shouldn’t be giving a flying one what her neighbours think !!

Why do you want a housr rather than your flat? The flat sounds ideal with the outside space and no stairs.. I am not sure why you are wanting to move in the first place?sorry just reread thw thread, current flat is not liveable.
Take the house as others have said and then go from there. You will find a way to manage. Plus you dont have to have bedrooms upstairs, you could have a bedroom downstairs and living room upstairs depending on how the layout is.

Stairgate as so many others said.

Stop with the excuses and leave a home with no stairs to a person who is disabled and can’t manage stairs at all. YABVU

Has anyone snottily reminded you that it's your own fault you are a poor and have to live in social housing and you MUST take the nearest cardboard box, as 'we' pay your rent yet?
God forbid you have something appropriate

They don't take autism or ADHD into account as a medical need. Trust me I know I waited 8 years to be housed with 2 with autism ADHD and epilepsy. Only physical disabilities gets them moved up a band. What got me moved eventually was the house was unsafe for the children and the central heating that had been put in before we moved wasn't efficient. I had family at our house one year for NYE, They don't often feel the cold live in a drafty Victorian house. Even they said the house was freezing. They got us some plug in electric fires made to look like a log burning stove. Plugged it in one day and the socket set on fire. That socket was left nearly a month. Because the landlord was waiting for his mate to do it instead of getting an electrician through the letting agent.

I have a downstairs toilet only and had 2 from birth here and one slept walked. Stair gate is the answer.

I work in council housing, firstly it depends what band you have been placed in as to what my advice would be. If you are in the top 2 bands in our council then you’re priority need and if you turn down a property you are offered without medical evidence as to why it would not be suitable (which I’m guessing you haven’t as this should be checked before you are even offered it to ensure it is suitable) then they would deem it a suitable offer you are declining and your banding would be removed. If you are in lower than the top 2 the you are allowed 3 refusals before your account is suspended.
i would also consider how long it would take for you to be offered another property if you were 97th on the list for this one, that’s very rare to get that far down a list (or is for our council), what’s your positioning like on the other properties you’ve bid on since your banding was raised?

Sorry 47th!

Why bid on the house in the first place?

Stairgate her room? If you are so concerned about her sleepwalking then any stairs are a bad idea regardless of where the bathroom is?

We have a downstairs bathroom. Not ideal but I would take my daughter down in the middle of the night because she didnt like the shadows next door's security light made. We survived until she outgrew it.

Honestly I think you need to pull yourself together. You bid for it - you’re lucky to get it. Why bid for it in the first place?

many people would be very grateful to get council housing.

You will be taken off that band. That’s what used to happen in my area. If you are a priority they would not expect property offers to be declined.
You would be expected to make it work if you are genuinely desperate.
From what you’ve written your daughter doesn’t have an actual diagnosis of ASD. So this would not make any difference.
If your daughter is sleep walking to that extent she is clearly a risk to herself, so what have you put in place in your current property to safeguard her? It’s not just toileting that’s a risk - I would imagine there are many, many risks whatever property she is living in.
The requirement to go outside to regulate herself will not be a reason to decline a property. As a parent you would be (and rightly so) expected to find alternative ways to support her with regulation.
You're extremely fortunate to have been offered a council property and people in desperate need wait years and years for one. The likelihood of being offered a property that is perfect is unlikely.
To be honest you’re probably better off renting privately, or staying where you are.