AIBU to refuse a council house over stairs and no outside space?

[Stressedmum6761]

Hi, I really need some advice on what to do here please I've been crying all morning and scouring the Internet. I'm on the council housing list, have been for 3 years now because of the state of my current ground floor flat. The council came out to do a review and put my banding up.

I got a call yesterday out of the blue to view a house I bid on before Christmas and was 47th in the queue so didn't think I would have any chance. The woman said it has a small yard and a downstairs bathroom. My daughter is 6 and I'm so so scared she's going to fall down the stairs in the night time to use the toilet, she sleepwalks and is currently on the pathway for ASD, when she goes to the loo in the flat I have to battle to steer her back to bed or she's wandering about on her own for god knows how long.

I've also been to look at the house through the windows and it 100% does not have a yard as the lady said as the bathroom has been built on as an extension downstairs. I know this sounds so ungrateful but I don't want us moving from bad to worse, our current flat has a tiny little yard that I've managed to squeeze a bench and a mini greenhouse into so my daughter at least has somewhere she can sit outside when she's had a meltdown or needs to regulate herself.

I'm so worried if I turn this down by saying I'm worrying about the stairs at night I'll be taken down a band. Has anyone successfully turned down a property for safety concerns and not been penalised? Thank you 😊

tbh I would co sleep (same room) in this situation with a latch on the door so you will 100% wake and take her to loo, no wandering! also try to not let her drink a lot of fluid in the evening.

You can get little movement alarms so you'll be woken if she is moving about

Can you put a camping loo in her bedroom, you can get some really good ones

Excuse me? If you read properly I said she goes after she's had a meltdown. I don't just send my daughter outside are you insane 😂

Moving from a flat to a house is daunting but you are just putting blockers in the way. The bathroom downstairs isn't the end of the world our only bathroom is downstairs.

Have you thought that it might have a yard if they said it did... extensions aren't usually allowed to fill the entire outside space so I'm pretty sure there will be something.

See it with an open mind and let us know how it goes.

I think seeing it first would give you a better idea.

Go and see it.

If the bathroom is a rear extension there will be some outdoor space, there must be or there would have been nothing to extend into and you can't build right up to the boundaries.

The bathroom is a non issue. You just need a stair gate to stop her falling.

In the short term you need to work out if you stay or move. If your current property is that bad, I’d move then look at increasing banding again for medical needs. But. A commode for the night toilet trips and a stair gate for the stairs would work for that property in the short term. You’d just need to fix the gate back during the day so your daughter doesn’t have the muscle memory of opening the gate for if she sleep walks at night.

Go and see it. I’m sure there will be a solution.

Camping toilet is a good shout. Along with stair gates.

i used to take my dc to the toilet right before i went to bed at night. They didn’t really wake up properly so it didn’t mess with their sleep and then they didn’t need to go again overnight. Would that help?

My son had night terrors and sleepwalked, and still does to this day (he's a grown man with a serious job). Once in his late teens he sleep-ran out of the house in the small hours wearing only his underwear; he was moving so fast I couldn't catch him.

We have always lived in houses with stairs and he has never once fallen down them. Sleepwalkers usually don't hurt themselves.

Go to view it and discuss any issues with your Housing Officer. They are usually very helpful wrt disabilities.

I'm guessing you got moved to higher priority in the first place by stating your daughter's ADHD was a medical issue and the home you're in is unsuitable for her. It's only the things you evidenced in advance that made a property unsuitable for her that will be considered. Anything not listed as a requirement in advance won't come under a reasonable refusal.

Hi OP. I was in a similar boat in temp accommodation when they offered me a place which wasn't suitable due to something. I went to citizens advice and they had a housing lawyer who helped me to navigate that property and be awarded the right one for me and my child. There may be something like that at your local citizens advice who would know your rights on this specific situation.

Just to add you would have a better chance of exchanging with a house than a flat. This would give you a better chance of getting what you want long term. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I'm amazed that 46 other people turned it down! Also, it was not a good idea to bid on something you definitely didn't want @Stressedmum6761 !!!

You are where you are now though. If you really feel you can't take it, then explain this to the council. Tell them what you've told us here. They're not monsters and they will understand. They will ask why you bid on this property, so just say you did it in haste, as you really need a move, and you didn't realise it wasn't suitable for x, y, and z reasons, and you didn't remove your bid as you were almost No. 50 in the queue and thought you had no chance! I am sure they will let you remain where you are on the list.

Good luck! I hope you get your dream (social housing) home soon!

Stair gate so she can't go down without you. Most 6 year olds don't need the loo at night. We had an outside toilet when I was young so we had a potty under the bed for emergencies at that sort of age, rarely got used!

I used to sleep walk a lot, I never fell anywhere. Use a stair gate or co sleep. Go and see it, you'd be mad not too.

Yeah most people listen out for their kids? I understand she has additional needs

Honestly my daughter (also 6) won't come down the stairs to use the bathroom without me, she wakes me up I pop the lamp on and say 'mums listening' and then (only lately) she goes down by herself. But she needs to know I'm there and aware.

My 7 year old son has been doing it alone for a year maybe a bit extra.

I just took the stair gate off a few months ago (we have stupidly steep stairs and only brick wall at the bottom)

Your daughter would be fine, however, you are not unreasonable to not want the place - that's fine, but I wouldn't focus on the 6 year old as the reason you can't take it because any day now she's going to be doing it herself with no issues.

Think long term, is it better? If you really want the garden then wait it out.

You can make it work, lots of people live in houses that were suitable until they had children with needs. Try and think of how you can make it work. I have a daughter (now grown!) who has autism/ADHD.

My suggestions would be:

Claim DLA as she is entitled to this if you need to wake in the night to keep hee safe due to her disability. Ask for support from Citizens Advice with the form, and make sufe you follow it through to tribunal if they initially refuse.

Ask your housing officer or local charity to support you access grants etc to buy the things you need to make the house work.

Buy a sensor that alerts you when she wakes.

Stair gate at the top of the stairs - add a bell or something similar to alert you.

Consider a commode upstairs.

If there's no garden, then turn her room/or get a sensory tent. This can be an alternative to the garden.

Indoor swing - look at online shops for disability aids - or other gross motor sensory activities.

Look at having window sill gardens with indoor plants

Find a local community gardening space, and find out what parks and open spaces there are in the area.

Its not worth the risk of turning it down and ending up somewhere much worse. If the area is manageable, but the property isnt exactly what you want, then take it.

Being in a council property will mean that whatever happens you will be housed, and able to afford the rent.

I’d be interested to know how many people had turned down the offer of the house and why. I’d go and have a good look

Put her bed downstairs. Crying at this point is not very helpful. Try to be more constructive. These are not insurmountable issues if you wanted to solve them. If you don't and you think where you are is better then stay put, or private rent. Your DD won't be a sleepwalking 6yo forever so try to see the bigger picture.

I’ve lived in 2 houses with a downstairs bathroom (private rent) with 2 DC with severe autism. I had similar worries to you before I moved in. My daughter has seizures but luckily has never fallen down the stairs when she’s got up in the night.

I’m in a council property now. OT went through our house before we moved in to see if there was any adaptions that could be made to make it safer for them. DS used to come down early hours of the morning climbing looking in the cupboards. So a star lock was put on the kitchen door and they put some safety things on the windows so we could open them a bit but not so they could climb out/fall. They also put sloping window sills in because DS had a load of routines he had to go through before before leaving the house. Luckily that all stopped when we moved. They can do more with council property than private rent. Don’t just right it off before you’ve seen it properly. They might be able to put a toilet in upstairs and a higher safety gate. Once your in a council property you can always swap with someone else.

Had a friend who was a sleepwalker but she grew out of it as she got older. When we all went on holiday she never hurt herself on stairs in accommodation. She sometimes got back into the wrong bed!

It was decided by who ever she eventually saw about it, she had something mentally stressing her. Once it was discovered what it was she stopped sleepwalking.
So there’s hope for you and house turns out better than the flat.

I grew up with a downstairs toilet and I was a sleepwalker, although it all seemed to work out ok.

If you're worried, buy her a little chemical (camping) toilet for night time use.

It seems a non issue to me, my kids have never been to the toilet at night.