To be worried about my 22 year old dating a 30 year old

[Beyoungbefoolishi]

22 dd is dating a 30 year old in (late July) man currently

But she isn't 'much younger'. She's in her early 20s, he's in his late 20s. They're two adults of the same generation and the same stage of life.

You're being incredibly weird about this. Seven or eight years is nothing for two adults.

If she was an 18-year-old sixth former and he was a 40-year-old managing director or something then yes, obviously there would a power imbalance, but that isn't what's happening here. What's happening here is two adults of a similar age, who would naturally be going out to the same places, doing similar things, have the same cultural and social frame of reference, are dating. That is normal. It isn't weird or creepy or a power imbalance of any kind.

What IS weird and creepy is the way some people on Mumsnet infantilise adult women as if they're silly little innocent girls with no agency who are being preyed upon by wily, clever, sexually predatory older men seeking to corrupt them. The fact that someone would see a relationship between a 22-year-old and a 29-year-old in those terms says a lot more about that person than it does about the people in the relationship.

Yep, this.

I ran rings around men the same age as me. I have always protected my own interests and he is very forgiving of how aggro I can be and it makes for an excellent relationship. I

No. If he was 39 then maybe, but 29 is fine.

I think there’s quite a big maturity gap between 22 and 29, but it’s not creepy territory. I’d be concerned if he was 35+

Not an unusual age gap really is it. My ex was six years older than me and even with the smaller gap, there were a couple of times when he was obviously older as I wanted to do things he had got out of his system like backpacking around Europe. So she just needs to make sure it doesn't hold her back and she has regrets.

He’s 30…I didn’t say she was a young girl

She is immature for 22 and still very self centred she’s not a grown up 22 year old

My DDs husband is 7 years older. I dunno about " equal". She was his boss at work within a year of meeting him and as the old fashioned term states " wears the trousers"

My husband and I started dating at the same ages. I am older (woman). Been together 15 years now and I have totally forgotten the age gap. It’s not an issue.

Self centred people usually stay self centred, no matter what their age.

I've seen a lot of absolute nonsense spouted on here but this must be up there in the top 5 stupid replies.

FFS...they are both consenting adults!

Well maybe it's time she grew up

Maybe this partner will have a positive effect on her then? If he has a little more experience in life and relationships he'll be more likely to challenge her on this behaviour

Agree with this - if she’s self centred and demanding he might be able to put some manners on her. Maybe she might find any boundaries like this reassuring and might help her to grow up?

Have you met him? What is he like?

The infantilisation of adult women on this site is reaching peak levels.

Exa
ctly . Cutting the apron strings would be a good start.

There are great variations in 30 year old men, some are a 'manchild', others have grown up.

Given what the OP describes her DD to be, I think a valid concern, though we don't know much if anything about the 30 year old man.

There are great variations in 22 woman evidently as well, but they're all adults.

I would be concerned too. But there’s nothing you can do about it.

DF and DM met whe she was 19. He is nine years older. They took up together pretty quickly. They married when she was 23 and had her degree. She died at 63 and he has had a long time without her.

Theirs is the marriage I want and my husband is pretty terrific.

I understand your trepidation, truly I do, but it needn’t be a bad idea.

Na it's fine, 22 isn't a teenager. He's not even 30 yet. If she was under 20 you might have a point.

I wouldn’t be crazy about it either. My daughters will still be at university at 22. Maybe just finishing. Barely starting their careers/adult life. 30 is not the same stage at all. It’s not about infantilising anyone, or branding anyone a creep. I know they want to travel, and build the foundations of their careers. Possibly someone 8 years older is coming out the other side of that stage. Different priorities in life happen at different life stages.

I’m not sure what repeating that a 22 year old is an adult achieves. No one is saying she isn’t.

Age gaps that small are perfectly fine.

I was 22 when I met my now DH, he was 29 (about to turn 30) with a 6 year old!
I can’t recall my Mum having any reservations - if she did she never voiced them. I was in a full time career, living in my own flat. Didn’t introduce him for quite a few months.
We moved in together after six months, 17 years later we are married with two children together!