To be worried about my 22 year old dating a 30 year old

[Beyoungbefoolishi]

22 dd is dating a 30 year old in (late July) man currently

Maybe he didn't 'seek her out'. Maybe they just met and actually really liked one another. 🙄So every man who is dating, married to, or with a woman who is younger than he is, is only with her because he doesn't see her as equal?

My DH is a good few years older than me and I can assure you we are most definitely equals and both view each other as such.

You have a funny way of looking at relationships IMO

have you met the guy yet? Is there something about him (other than being 29) that makes you think he’s not a good partner for your DD? What’s his relationship history?

It’s absolutely fine! Good for her - 22 year old men sometimes aren’t quite as mature emotionally as women at that age, so hopefully she’s enjoying it

Dh was 21 and I was 28 when we started dating. He was still in uni. 🫣 We’d go places and he’d get IDed and they’d just wave me through. It absolutely can work if everyone is in the same place in life. Dh was and probably still is more mature than me. We got married when he was 24 and I was 31 and had our first baby a year later.

We are still very happy 18 years later, but we were very well suited to each other with similar values and wanting similar things from life.

Obviously, no one can tell you if that’s the case, but I think if they aren’t in the same place in life, it will be a bit of fun and then fizzle out.

I met dh at 23 and he was 30. Been married 27 years! Never thought it was predatory at all as I was an independent adult making my own choices.

I’ve been married to the man who was 30 when I was 22 for 20 years!

Probably the same maturity level. Seems fine to me. Both adults and this isn't pervy proportions. YABU.

I’m personally not a big fan of age gap relationships generally but that’s not a terrible gap, it could definitely be worse.

Don’t see the issue. It would be very different if she were 17 and he 24 but they’re both adults.

‘Seek out’ and ‘much younger’ is doing some serious heavy lifting. How do you even infer that the man sought her out from a single sentence opening post 😂

22 is not "much younger" than 29. They are both adults in their twenties, likely with very similar life experiences and moving in the same circles, with the same interests and hobbies etc.

So 22 and 29? I wouldn’t be concerned about that age gap as long as there are no other issues. Are they at a similar stage in life and want the same things? That’s more important for two people under 30 I would think

Is she at uni? At home? Has she lived away from home? Does she have a career or clear career aspirations?

To me the only real danger is the classic trap of him earning more so it “makes sense” to prioritise his career when making joint decisions and so she can never “catch up” or reach her full potential. I read about that so often on here and it’s sad. But it is avoidable if she’s clear about her priorities.

She’s 22 not a baby. It’s not of your business as long as he is nice to her.

When I was 22 I was travelling dating men older than me from my age to 30 and I have no regrets!!! Some 22 year olds can run rings round a 30 year old man.

Ir suggests they don't want an equal? What?
There was a ten year age gap in my first marriage similar age to OP daughter and he was ten years older. No issues of inequality whatsoever

What’s your DD like? Do you see her as immature, vulnerable? What life experiences has she had? Other relationships / lived away from home? Does she have a balanced foundation for her life of other things - longterm friends, hobbies, career, ambitions, plans etc. How did they meet? What’s his situation - has he children? Been married or lived in a long term relationship? What’s his relationship history? What’s his basic foundations as listed before. I don’t expect you to know everything but these would be the things I would be noticing at any age.

Hahaha! Absolute shite! My poor unfortunate, 8 years older husband must be incredibly disappointed that he married me when I was 22! Being that I am the most independent person he’s ever met and there is no one who is more challenging than I am! I enjoy challenging people, especially him for fun! Albeit, I suspect you’ve just made what you’ve said up anyway, but just to clarify, you’re wrong!

I was 18 when I met my ex, he was 26 and very immature, hence why he is an ex now.

Completely normal.

Right…but she’s not 16. She’s old enough to be a junior doctor ffs. So she can be responsible for people’s healthcare but but not sleep with a man who happened to be born seven years before her?? That’s ridiculous. And infantilising. Should her boss not employ her because she is ‘soo young’? Imagine if her mother refused to take her opinion because she isn’t ‘old enough to be taken seriously’. You’d think that was outrageous yet this guy (who isn’t even 30 yet, anyway!) is akin to a pdf because he has started a mutually desired relationship with her?

I know at least 3 couples with that age gap

The 30 year old has had many years of adult life behind him already, and many years of dating etc.. If my 22 yo DD began dating him I would be wondering ‘what’s wrong with him, why did previous relationships not work out?’. But, I’d probably offset this, begrudgingly, with ‘maybe he just hasn’t found the right one yet’. So I’d leave them be.

People infantilise young adults so much.

As if when they met, they had their ages sharpied into their foreheads? A 22 year old and 29 year old dont look much different, both could be graduates working the same job at the same level.

A 22 year old could have children already, be in a very important job like the army, have their own property, know how to drive, have shagged loads of people, travelled.

Honestly this is bizarre.

I have kids in a similar age group and wouldnt like that age gap even if they were the older one.

However they are adults and my disapproval wouldn’t make any difference.

Yes OP he should be locked away as a dangerous predator indefinitely (sarcasm, obviously).

Seven years in your twenties is bugger all ffs.