To say 'make your own breakfast' to Husband

[OneThingAfterTheOther]

We do manage to share the load of chores as both work FT and one high schooler DC to drop/pick at times from activities.

But with DC home with school exams , I found myself doing all the cooking and washing straight for the past 4 days after a weekend that was equally busy with dinner out with friends of DH on a Sunday late night.

I think with DC home , it meant making 4 meals a day on time whilst normally we do late meals and easy meals while working. We were both worried about ordering out as DC had a bug just last week and we didnt want to chance it with exams with takeout food etc.

I was also tutoring DC as requested to by DH on a subject I am more familiar /expert in for his exam this week.

DC off to school this morning and I went for a mini lie down before logging into WFH. Was getting myself eggs and toast when DH goes ' Can I get some toast and eggs too' I had previously this morning told him I am exhausted after the past four days and do have work today just like he does. And can he make the lunch today, for which DC will be home for. To which he appeared to just smirk and laugh it off ' OH im in charge of lunch eh'

I snapped when he asked for breakfast and said get your own breakfast rudely. He was shocked as that is a rare for me to do. At worst I would say ' I am so sorry, no time, office call in two mins, here have half mine' etc

AIBU to lose it and snap ? I didnt feel I could snap when DC around on study leave the past week, but it building up a bit

DH said ' but I did car pool run this morning and groceries' I have said this a gazillion times but I can order from Asda/tesco the weekly shop and do a better job of it without picking only markdowns and almost expired items half the time. And the car pool drop is two minutes by car after I sorted DC ready to go.

I thought clear broth was advised.

This thread is just so incredibly depressing.

Aww just make it for him, OP

Why on earth should she? 🙄

No even worse, he wanted it for breakfast !! Have to laugh to not cry

Hes had pot ramen now

Why should she make him rice and dal for his lunch? She's running around after him and her husband and she's exhausted. She needs to learn to say no. Let him make his own lunch

This. Ok so he’s sick and exams coming up so now is perhaps not the time to go really hard, but he needs to learn some life skills. Is he planning to go to uni? If he’s going to be living with others he will have to cook nutritious cheap meals for himself. Can he already cook dal? That’s great. And he’ll need basic household and cleaning skills so that hopefully he will be perceived as a decent housemate. My mum taught me how to clean a toilet, change a duvet quickly, understand a washing label, cook a basic curry, bolognese etc before I was 16. Of course these things can be self taught but I appreciated her showing me so I didn’t feel completely incompetent when I left home (at 16).

And my DS goes ' can I have dal and rice instead pls?'

”No.”

Please listen to the advice you are getting on here. In two years time your son is going to be going away to university - how is he going to cope if you do everything for him?

I said this yesterday but at 16 I could cook my own meals. Absolutely nothing fancy but when I went away to college I knew how to cook

Why is he asking you to make curries from scratch every day? It's unfair. He can surely make his own sandwich as well

I get that it's exam time - I'm a lot older than your son and I'm probably older than you but I'm at uni. I live on my own. Im up to my eyes in uni work just now but if I don't cook for myself I don't eat. It's as simple as that. I have an air fryer and right now most of my meals are getting made in that

You have an air fryer. You have a microwave and a toaster. He can have toast or a sandwich for lunch (I'm talking about most days, not this day).

If you keep going on like this when he goes to uni you'll get the predictable phone calls asking you to come and help him. Yes there are students who leave home and don't have a clue what to do when they get to uni - but you have two years to make sure he can actually cook and shop and clean and budget when he gets there

And you said earlier in the thread that you had a microwave meal in the fridge. If he wants a hot meal he can put a micro dinner in the microwave. It is unfair on you having to make him cooked lunches 7 days a week

If that were the case, what’s with the co-op Thai curry?

I'd be very surprised if he can cook dal. He doesn't know how to turn the washing machine on. It's the OP who makes him the dal.

FFS.

He had better have made that himself at least.

She was expected to boil rice to go with said curry I believe because her husband didn't want to cook that evening

I suspect not.

I'd probably leave any big changes until after the exams. Constantly cooking is not compatible with a full time job and you're not BU to not want to cook breakfast twice.
I wouldn't be reducing work hours, you'll just be expected to do even more. Perhaps a chat to your family after the exams, laying out what you expect. Yes it shouldn't be needed but they have got into bad habits. Exhausting yourself is not good at all.
While the exams are on make things as easy as possible, more takeout if they like that? And everyone makes their own hot drinks?

If I were you OP. After exams are over. I would seriously be thinking of taking myself off on a mini break. Doesn't need to be expensive. Book some time off work - take yourself away for a weekend - and leave them to it.

Cut the snacks. Have a biscuit or an apple.

That too. Clear fluids.

What does that gave to do with long lunch breaks?

It's to do with the food she's cooking at lunchtime (curries from scratch) according to her

It looks like the son doesn't do much around the house. Cuts the grass sometimes. He doesn't cook. He doesn't clean - the OP said she does all of that. I personally wouldn't be buying takeaway all through exam time - they have a microwave and an air fryer. They can make a microwave meal in less than ten minutes.

I think it's more than bad habits. The OP was expected to serve the FIL when he visited them as far as I'm aware. Her husband was ok with that and the message being passed to the son is that women are there to do everything for men

I understand that, I am surprised she has such long lunch breaks from work to have time to.

Usually the curry pot can serve more than one meal though. If the husband and son are eating it all make more and save for the next day.

Don't know why people piling on the kids. The kids expect mum to serve them because that's what they've been taught.

It's essentially a case of, you're fucked off about always serving him. Yeah it wouldn't have been MUCH more effort, but it is still more effort than he was making. You'd finished making yours, he could have made his own, he was expecting you to let yours go cold while making his or give you his and make yourself more. Just the idea that you would offer him half your food and he would take it. Is honestly so selfish.

They have one kid. I don't buy the he expects his mum to serve him because that's what he's always been taught tbh. At some point it's normal for teenagers to start making their own food - and it's not just that. He's turning up his nose at what she's offering. She's on a lunch break from work and a sandwich won't do? Has to be rice and dal from scratch? Most days. Even when he has an upset tummy she's to make him rice and dal?

Selfish isn't the word.

She works from home by the sounds of it. I think the husband is the person who needs to step up. He can cook from scratch. He's just chosen to opt out of doing so