Colleague warning me off reporting inappropriate group chat

[JutrScot]

I’ve been made aware (with evidence) of some male colleagues who have a non work group chat with each other in which sexualised comments have been made about me and other colleagues.

The colleague who made me aware of this has said there’s no point reporting this as 1. It’s a non work group chat with messages outside of working hours and 2. Incase of any implications on our own careers.

I want to press ahead to report but she has given me some slight doubt. I’d appreciate anyone with a greater grasp of these matters than me giving an indication.

Exactly. So what? You got a sleaze fired. Result.

Report it!

If you read the OP’s posts you will see exactly what the screenshot she saw said.

Only one screenshot and not on your WhatsApp direct then the person who sent it to you has it in their WhatsApp. So why aren't they reporting it? I'd question why they sent it onto you. If they're that concerned then they should report it themselves. Whilst its disgusting, I don't think that you have enough evidence and the rest is hearsay.
It may be one of those companies that will say as its not in work time or using work devices, like others have said, then its out of their hands. I'd leave it. It could really backfire on you. Even if you think you're reporting it in confidence it may have a way of coming out. Different if you had a pages of these messages.

She’s putting up with the men around her making lewd sexual comments, undermining her as a professional. Do you think it’s going to help her progress at work?

It’s exactly this type of behaviour that’s indirectly supporting the gender pay gap.

Yes, thanks, that didn't come up for me, initially. I had to select 'see all' but, until then, the posts didn't show on the regular thread.

Nope. None of this.

I would be suspicious of why the person who sent you the screenshot has done so now? Why almost a year later? Do they have a personal beef with one of the people involved and are basically using you to do their dirty work for them? How did THEY get hold of the screenshot? How does anyone know what else has been said apart from that one screenshot? It's utterly grim, but could the people involve say it's a one off, from last year and make it out to not be a big deal? Or does someone know for absolute certain (i.e. has seen with their own eyes and is willing to speak up) that this is an ongoing conversation these men are having?

I'd be very wary about leaping in to report without knowing a lot more for myself.

And for those saying to leave and get another job, how do you know it's not going on somewhere? Because it almost certainly is, just better hidden!

The answers you have here are the 2 extremes of do nothing, or report to HR. Neither of these may sit well with you.

What about another option? If I was in your position, and I thought HR would do nothing, this is what I would do. I would go up to the person who wrote that about me and I would say;

"Hey, Dave. I saw a screen shot of a conversation where some of you made degrading remarks about the women in the department. In particular, I saw one that said that I should work your arse. What exactly does that mean Dave? Can you send me a copy of the screenshot and an explanation to my work email (head tilt) please so I can forward a copy to HR. Or, maybe you might want to not do that sort of thing at work, because you may end up in a sexual harassment case which I'm sure your GF or wife would be chuffed about. But seriously Dave. I'm just here to tell you that the next time I am talked about in that manner, I'll be taking it further, and I assure you that I am not f*cking joking. I will be taking care of your arse, but not in the way you hoped".

I would be straight to HR with that.

Yes. Report the repulsive creeps.

What type of job? If you have a code of conduct then it won't matter that it's on personal time.
I'd report, it should be recorded

It’s hardly appropriate, but, it’s outside of work and if it’s not on any equipment owned by work, why would they get involved, unless it’s in some way breaking the law, it’s just a group of men talking, you’d have to report every inappropriate discussion that happens anywhere, the pub, a football match etc if you start going down that route

My colleagues and I have discussions out of work, down the pub about all sorts of work things that people would probably faint at here. I would be amazed if that is breaching anything, we're having a discussion out of work with each other about it.

If she was 'putting up' with something and having to endure harrassment I would be all over this, I would protect my staff. But what exactly is she 'putting up with'.

The above are comments from that poster so it would seem that not only do they themselves ‘still live in the dark ages where their need for sleaziness trumps their colleagues need for feeling respected’ but they are also managing staff. To my mind if you are in a management position, discussing staff ‘down the pub’ in terms that MN would ‘faint at’ is even worse.

It isn’t outside of work, it’s discussing female work colleagues in a sexually abusive context.

This happened where I work. Someone printed off the messages and posted them to HR anonymously. Despite them being private messages people were investigated and suspended. They weren't sacked but left of their own accord eventually.

In my company there is a specific disciplinary process for such sexually explicit comments, regardless of whether they have been made verbally or in any social media or written context, even on non-work devices. I would be reporting this. It is inappropriate - men should not be allowed to make disgusting comments about colleagues and get away with it, wherever, whenever or however it happens.

Even if nothing can be done about this incident there's no harm in making HR aware of the type of behaviour that's going on so that any issues however minor that are raised about these people in the future can be taken very seriously.

It's not appropriate to talk about people like this, whether male or female at work or not. It is demeaning and insulting.

At work I am "sexless". I am a person doing a job. Whether I have a penis or a vag is irrelevant to what I am doing. It really is.

If you talk about me like that and I report it to HR and they do nothing, it is then a company issue as I have raised a grievance and the company has decided to enable it, rather than shut it down.

At the very least the manager/ HR should get this person in front of them and give them a bollocking and say next time it happens it will be raised as a disciplinary.

Finally, who in this day and age is so THICK AS SHIT to actually put that down in writing for it to later emerge and bite you on the ass. Of course, shouldn't say it at all, but even thicker to write it down!

These men are 'thick as shit' because they feel invincible, in power, in control. It makes them feel good to talk about women they know in this way. They don't even understand how wrong and pathetic it is - because that is what they are. Report always.

Gross. Definitely report it. At my work this would be taken seriously regardless of if it was done in work time and work phones or not. And you have evidence! Remember recently the news stories about this kind of behaviour in the met police and how it should have been dealt with years earlier, this behaviour matters.

Literally insane whataboutery to complain that on a thread about a specific conversation between specific men we aren't 'jumping up and down' about some women you have imagined having an imaginary conversation.

Personally, I have never in any workplace participated in or heard a conversation between women about which male colleagues we'd like to 'work our arse' or 'sit on our face'. I have been very good friends with colleagues and socialised with them out of work and never, ever spoken about men we worked with in those terms. So it wouldn't occur to me on this thread where the OP had seen a specific comment about her to 'jump up and down' in case a woman in a workplace somewhere has done the same. What difference could that make to this situation?

Everywhere I have worked in the past fifteen years or so has had a social media policy, and it's been very clear that things employees put in writing on their social media can result in disciplinary consequences - even on private, locked down profiles. So someone spouting racism, for example, or lewd comments about named female (or male!) colleagues would absolutely be in breach of the policy. WhatsApp is social media. This would be taken seriously in plenty of workplaces, and should be taken seriously in all of them. And an imaginary conversation between imaginary women can't be used as a defence for a real conversation between real men. But if you want people 'jumping up and down' start a thread on here asking if it's ok for you to start a chat with your female colleagues about the kind of sex acts you'd like the men you work with to perform on you, and you will get told it's a gross and stupid thing to do that could cost you your job and is extremely objectionable - the consensus on that thread would not to 'go ahead, it's fine'.

Exactly this. Put him right down.

This. Why the fuck should you have to work around someone who has discussed you in this manner? That in itself makes a hostile working environment.

that said, are you willing and strong enough to deal with criticism? Because people will (even if they’re wrong). Put yourself first.

Fuck me. The number of people saying best not report as you’ll be viewed negatively are a huge part of why misogynistic pish like this is accepted. And the cycle is perpetuated. Fuck that shit. Pricks like this should be called out. Every. Single. Time.
Women should be shouting from the rooftops and naming and shaming arseholes voraciously.