Colleague warning me off reporting inappropriate group chat

[JutrScot]

I’ve been made aware (with evidence) of some male colleagues who have a non work group chat with each other in which sexualised comments have been made about me and other colleagues.

The colleague who made me aware of this has said there’s no point reporting this as 1. It’s a non work group chat with messages outside of working hours and 2. Incase of any implications on our own careers.

I want to press ahead to report but she has given me some slight doubt. I’d appreciate anyone with a greater grasp of these matters than me giving an indication.

That's disgusting. I'm a senior manager and if someone in my team came to me with that, I'd absolutely have something done about it. We got rid of an exec team member in fact last year for repeated inappropriate sleazy behaviour.

Despite being "out of work" chat, it does, as others have stated, potentially contribute to a hostile work environment. If men are feeling entitled to send messages like that in a group chat, then what does it say about their possible behaviour at work? What else might they feel entitled to do around or to their female colleagues, particularly younger and more junior ones who could be more vulnerable.

No matter what we think personally, within the laws/rules of where you work and any government set ones how would you actually be able to handle this?

It all sounds good when people say 'well I would do something about it' but if it is not happening at work what can you actually do? the actual steps you would take

If she has some evidence, then the men would be in breach of the companies code of conduct. Your personal life can be relevant legally in this case; it is unreasonable to expect the op to turn up to work and be professional with men who she knows have said that kind of thing about her, and the company has a duty of care.

Employers may be able to discipline employees for conduct outside work if it has a direct or indirect effect on their business, reputation, or workplace culture.

Inter-personal issues between colleagues such as allegations of inappropriate behaviour or sexual harassment may fall under the misconduct umbrella if there is a work-related context.

If your employer's FCA-regulated (financial) the rules are already more explicit, and will be getting even stronger in September 2026.

https://www.weightmans.com/insights/non-financial-misconduct-when-off-duty-behaviour-impacts-work/#general-principles-for-employers

I wouldn't rest until they were sacked if it was going on where I work.

Good. So what if you are known as difficult or "harsh"?

Agree with this

No way would I report this. It will bite you on the arse.

At least you know who the twats are. Take that from this only. Fuck ups...fuck up. Give it time.

OP has the screen shot, which is a reasonable starting point for an investigation. HR could go through work comms to see if anything similar has been sent and can look at any previous complaints that might have been made. They can interview the men involved and ask them about it which, even if nothing else comes up and the investigation cant go any further at this stage, might get them to stop.

Employers don't need to prove to a criminal standard, they just need to find on the balance of probabilities. So if there have been other complaints, there is any evidence in work comms, or one of the men interviewed admits it, they may well have enough. And if this is not found, it's still data for the future should any of the guys involved do anything else.

About ten years ago my site manager told me that he had just come from an SMT meeting where the GM(f), techD(m), HR manager(f) and OpsD(m) had been discussing which of the staff they would like to shag, just passing the time while others arrived. I found it pretty shocking at the time, sadly now I realise it is par for the course

Why can’t you report it? Just because you aren’t in the conversation (probably for best!) doesn’t mean anything. If you know about it and are uncomfortable with what is being said then report it. IT will be able to access the chat info - nothing on company IT has an expectation of privacy from the company.

Attitudes like this are why so many women feel unsafe and so many men feel they can get away with it.

The negative responses say more about the posters. It is never OK to openly discuss other people in this way. It is never just ‘banter’. Most of the time these types of conversations turn into inappropriate behaviour and leave others distressed and afraid. That is never OK.

Surely things said with friends/colleagues outside of work have absolutely nothing to do with work. I don't see how anything could be done about this. I have colleagues im closer to and will meet them outside of work and have occasionally slagged of our boss or other colleagues. If we had done this in work we would probably get in trouble as its inappropriate and may be seen as bullying but if I meet a friend/colleague for lunch or they come to my home for a few drinks i don't see how thats anyone's business

@JutrScot how did you get hold of the screenshot?

op do you have a work code of conduct - maybe in the employee handbook etc or any professional code? I’m sure this will be in breach of that.

this may also assist:

https://www.stephens-scown.co.uk/employment/whatsapp-and-work-a-legal-minefield-employers-cant-ignore/

WhatsApp is generally considered private but can be used as grounds if if damages a company’s reputation, is gross misconduct or against work policy https://redmans.co.uk/insights/employee-monitoring-can-i-be-sacked-over-a-whatsapp-message/
I would imagine lots of companies have a policy that employees should not do anything to damage the reputation of the company. For example imagine if this made it to the press.

Aside from that, it’s just gross and would make you and others feel uncomfortable at work. I’d report it.

Yes. Completely agree. Regulators and descent employers are not tolerating this kind of behaviour anymore. Allowing a culture like this damages their reputation and they lose good employees over it. The FCA have had a focus on non financial misconduct for years.

This is still a workplace issue and it’s still harassment and your employer still has a duty of care.

You absolutely should report this.

Nope. Whilst generally considered private, if they damage the reputation of the company, are gross misconduct or breach a company policy they can be used as grounds… https://redmans.co.uk/insights/employee-monitoring-can-i-be-sacked-over-a-whatsapp-message/

Yes. It would certainly be taken very seriously at my workplace. We are a regulated firm which would make it more of a factor.

Jesus OP report it or send it to me and I'll bloody report it! You cant let this happen.

Ive reported something worse than this by more senior people. It was very fear inducing ans I held on to it a while because of that. Other junior level people like me were warned to say nothing as it would ruin their careers. I spoke out in the end because I couldn't bear the idea of other employees being exposed in future. It wasn't exactly a career builder for me but nevertheless its one of the things in my life I'll always be the most proud of.

How might a person feel knowing that their colleagues were having discussions about them like this. Especially if it was a more senior colleague? I would say they would likely feel bullied. It does not matter if she was not meant to see it - it sets the tone and culture of an organisation. People can make these comments, sure, but if they go against company policy (most will have a social media policy or a general policy that you do not bring the company into disrepute), damage the reputation of the company or are gross misconduct then they can be used as grounds.

No point fucking up your career and reputation for your scumbag colleagues. You will be gossiped about and accused of being sensitive and always making complaints. People twist things and the wrong uns always stick together and cover each other’s back. Best thing you can do is walk away and find another job. Who wants to work with people like that? No thank you!

I’d call this out! I’d report it!

In short they’re potential grounds for dismissal. Of course everything is fact specific, but the employer would generally investigate and have a disciplinary process they’d follow. They’d look at whether any company codes were breached - here probably social media, harassment, there will generally be a term in an employment contract that you do not do something that damages the reputation of the company. They’d then make decisions on whether to take action I.e. a warning or something more serious like dismissal. This process would usually be set out in an employee handbook or similar.

I would be finding a new job and mentioning the toxic culture (with your screenshotted evidence) as your reason for leaving in the exit interview.