To think choosing to spend Mother’s Day without your kids is weird

[InkyB]

DH’s ex has emailed us to let us know she’s planned her holidays next year and to ask us to accommodate. We usually have DSC every other weekend and half the school holidays plus Wednesday nights, and we have a draft plan for next year already, but are usually flexible both ways. She books her holidays very early because she’s far more organised than us!

One of the holidays she’s booked is a four night trip over Mother’s Day, so we’d have them Weds-Sun evening. It wasn’t supposed to be our weekend at all.

For context the children involved will be (future ages) DSS11, DSD10, our DD3 and she has a DS4.

AIBU to feel a bit put out by this?

Firstly DSC both have clubs on Sunday morning so it’d mean being out with one of them all morning, cooking a rushed lunch then DH driving them back in the late afternoon and getting back after DD’s bedtime.
Secondly, DSC are often mopey about their mum doing stuff with her youngest and not them, so it’d be a weekend of reassuring them and pretending Mother’s Day doesn’t exist.
Finally, I’d like a Mother’s Day where DH’s focus is on me and our child, not running around after his ex?

You’ve got the best part of a years notice to plan for this so I think YABU. It’s not particularly weird she’s planned this holiday over Mother’s Day, presumably she’s happy for a break on Mother’s Day. Tell your DH he’s sorting all the kids that day, he’s got plenty of time to plan for it.

A break with 1/3 of her kids?

I’m sorry but your worries all seem quite petty. Mum has the kids the majority of the time, let her have her holiday. ‘Cooking a rushed lunch’ - just have something simple. Sounds like you’re creating issues.

No I would not accomade her. Cheeky cow. You may have irmther plans.

It’s more of a break than 3/3

Surely she's being thoughtful to let you have so much notice of a schedule change, if anything? Which of her children she goes on holiday with at any one time is her own business, surely.

Mothers are allowed a break on Mother's Day. I don't think its weird.

I also don't think it would be weird for you to ask for your husband to decline.

These are the challenges you soon up for with a blended family. Everyone's desires deserve to be taken into account.

Could easily be a special event not a random date. Other child might be with other family.

And my break?

She wanted to be the primary carer for maintenance and benefits reasons. She has a habit of acting like granting us extra time with the children is a huge favour and that we should thank her, even if it’s not convenient for us.

You’ve got a year’s notice to sort this
and you have a blended family so stuff like this will continue to happen
I think you’re being petty

Live and let live OP
YABU

Do u have her DS too?! Anyway personally I think Mothers Day is all hype so it wouldn’t be an issue for me. However given it’s important to you then just refuse and say you can’t do that weekend as you have something planned for Mother’s Day yourself? If DH says yes then just go off in your own with your DC and leave him with his kids!

Have a break the next weekend

Why can’t your husband give you a break? He’s the father of the kids. Conveniently letting her have what she ‘wants’ by not having his own kids much. The least he can do is have his own kids when she asks with like 10 months notice!

It’s not, DH went back to point out that it’s Mother’s Day and her response was “I know, NewHusband is taking me away with DS so I’ll let you have Mother’s Day this year.”

It’s not the least bit wierd. It wouldn’t have registered with me at all. Your kid will only be 4 so will be happy to go along with whatever and your step kids may or may not be mopey in a years time. I don’t think you need to be worrying about planning to pretend mother days doesn’t exist. It’s a year away. You don’t need to be stategising about it over a year in advance.
If they have clubs in the morning then you can easily plan an easy lunch. No need for it to be rushed.

You are being unreasonable to feel put out by this.

Maybe she hasn’t realised it’s Mother’s Day?
Maybe you could just do the classic mumsnet “sorry that doesn’t work for us”.

Notice how it's one woman bickering and judging another meanwhile the bloke stays out of it!

Sad times.

If you want a break OP that's for your DH to sort out ☺️

Just celebrate Mother’s day the weekend before. You don’t need to cook a rushed lunch - I’m sure your DH could manage to put together a grab from the fridge lunch at the very least.

He’s not running around after his ex - he’s being a parent to his children.

DSC are often mopey about their mum doing stuff with her youngest and not them

Is she going away with her youngest child, and not her older two, on a weekend where she’d normally have them? I think that’s weirder than going away on Mother’s Day, which I’d personally have no qualms about.

I think the issue is more that she’s dumping her older kids and prioritising the new husband and THEIR joint child to go away on holiday on Mother’s Day that’s the biggest concern.

No wonder the older kids feel unwanted. Both parents re-married with shiny new families. 😢

I think you have enough time to plan. Mother’s Day isn’t that big a deal really. Just have a day off the next week if you were hoping for a spa or something.

I think it’s sad she’s taking one kid and not the others though.

ask your DH to take the kids out maybe whilst you do lunch? Or order in lunch or go out.

I think you’re being petty. Amongst my friends it’s really typical for mums to get the ‘day off’ and we all go out in the afternoon together so I don’t think you need to be tied to your kids. It’s only one day.

But that's none of the OP's affair, frankly. The OP's husband's ex is clearly not at all bothered about Mother's Day. Many women aren't. That's not a character flaw. I mean, it's the OP complaining, a year in advance, about how much trouble it's going to be to have her stepchildren around that weekend.

If it wasn’t your weekend I would have said sorry we have plans that date

im all for swapping /accomdatimg etc - but are you saying you have never had a md just you and your kids ? That the last 3yrs it worked out she has never had her kids on md and you have had all 3

yee I know it’s a hype but I love seeing dd on md