Husband in debt again.

[Lonely12]

Hi I’m at a point where I don’t know whether to stay married to my husband. He has gotten into debt again. It’s been a repeated cycle through out our marriage.

our finances are separate, I have tried before to sit down and work out outgoings and incomings, but my husband said he would then back tracked. He pays the mortgage and bills. I used to give him some money towards the bill, not much, even when I was on disability benefits. I pay my own bills with my wage and stuff for our children.

he said he wouldn’t get in debt again and yet he has and now he wants to secure a loan against our house which will take 10 years to pay off, taking him into retirement. My name isn’t on the mortgage. He said that he will pay off the debts with the money and then he will have money spare each month to save and so we can do things. Currently can’t do anything as he has no money. I have offered to pay. Money has been spent on every day stuff and Xmas presents. I do buy most of the kids Xmas presents and all birthday, I also buy all their clothes.

You need to be on the mortgage- it's expensive and a fuss doing it retrospectively. Do not secure a loan against the house , especially with a top up so "we can do things" this will just keep you in a cycle of debt forever.
Your DH is obviously useless and reckless with money- I suggest you take over the finances.It is good he" can't do anything"- it will remind him he is reckless with money- he needs a wake up call, not baling out.
he will drag you all down with him if you allow it.

And yet his credit rating is good and yours is terrible?

You both need to sit down together and go through all of your out goings and income - jointly. You are a household and need to work as a team.
Set a monthly budget and both be clear and upfront.
15k isn't something that couldn't be paid back quickly if you get a grip on it.
You should both know how much everything is costing you.

Did you go bankrupt / enter into an IVA or something then? If I were him, I wouldn’t be taking budgeting advice from you either. Both of you have a history of spending beyond your means.

Securing a loan against the property is a terrible idea, far better to set up payment arrangements with his creditors.

I’m so confused by all of this. If you are married, live in the same house together how are your finances, in this case debts, not linked?

I don’t even understand how you are not on the mortgage? Especially as you are married. My partner and I live in our home bought together 8 years ago, the mortgage is for my DP’s share but we are both on the mortgage and the house is both of ours. As your home should also be both of yours.

I’m just so confused by your post as I don’t even understand how you bought a house together. You and your husband would have to show your outgoings incomings how many children you support and so on on the mortgage application.

can anyone explain to me please?

How can she get a mortgage with a terrible credit rating? The lender will reject her. They’ll accept a mortgage for the husband alone though.

what else can they do? Is it obvious You can’t force a bank to lend you hundreds of thousands of pounds?

I’m not trying to excuse his debt but you’ve not said he’s gambling, etc . If as a household you have expenses that are more than your income, you’ll surely be getting into debt unless you bring in more income . There’s no 2 ways about it:
You’re also bad with money as you’re the one with a bad credit rating, you don’t earn enough to live off but you have 2 pets are are paying £200 a month on pet insurance, etc. You’re saying you’ve not gone on holiday for 4 years so surely it’s not holidays that got him in to this debt as you initially claimed.
Frankly, You can’t expect him to save when you don’t even have enough to cover the necessary and unnecessary bills you’re paying.
Unless as a family, you look deeply and cut out any unnecessary spends and find a way to earn more, it’ll just be a vicious cycle for both of you

You would have had to work more or spend less obviously.

She received disability benefits because she couldn’t work

Pot kettle black...

OP he's never going to be good with money, he's going to drag you into more and more debt, he doesn't want to involve you in the finances because it suits him not to. With the mortgage in his name only he can take as much as he likes out without you being involved at all.

It all sounds like a terrible situation to be in.

I had no idea if you live together and are married you can get a mortgage for just one of you.

when we bought both of our names, details, incomings, outgoings had to go on the form for our affordability check as I would also be living in the house. And we did buy quite recently.

This isn't clear. How do you decide who is paying the family's food bills? How can it be sometimes the whole thing and sometimes only half? That would be a nightmare to budget for. What difference should/does it make that one of you buys things on offer? Who does the food shopping then?

It sounds like your joint expenses are very very confused. You have a child (perhaps more than one), you are not working and the only money it seems you are bringing to the family are a pension (presumably State only?) and disability payments. Your husband, on the other hand, is working. From what you've explained, it's not that "he is in debt", but that you, as a family, are living beyond your means. It's not just his fault, but yours too, and if I were in his situation, I certainly wouldn't be looking to you for financial advice on how to deal with this. I think you need some financial counselling to appreciate how much your husband is carrying here and some concrete advice on how you can do your part to make it equitable.

Unless he gets some good financial advice and going forward can stop spending money on unnecessary things then once the money from the loan has been used he will just get into debt again.

Well I didn’t have to be, you just did it together because you wanted a joint mortgage presumably?

it’s fine for a married couple to have the mortgage in only one name.

Given the posts from the OP I think it was pretty clear that her credit rating was poor because of debts and that’s before she said she defaulted on payments.

Make sure you get that thing put on the mortgage that makes you a part owner? Then contact a solicitor and set up divorce proceedings and make sure you tell them
about husbands debt and also that your name isn’t on the deeds and make sure that you make it clear to the mortgage company you do NOT agree to a loan secured on the house

She’s going to struggle to stop him remortgaging the house. After all, this is something most home owners do fairly regularly when to fix rates.

she can lodge a form as an interested party to potentially stop a sale though.

Leave now and claim half the house equity. Let him take the loan out on his own half.

If you can prove he isn’t responsible with money , does he gamble, then with children you could end up with a much bigger percentage
Don’t forget the starting point is 50/50 of the marital home, cars you use, pensions, investments, property and businesses etc. Make sure you get all the information you can about credit cards bank account and pensions he and you have.

If you leave your life and dc’s lives will be more relaxed, You can be in charge of your own finances and your own life and can guarantee you will feel much happier with out the constant wondering of when is he going to drop the bombshell again.

I presume that this isn’t a one off and at some point he will do it again and again. His promises are meaningless.

It’s the secrecy that would make me leave. Has he got another woman/viditing prostirutes or gambling etc

You will find in time that finances aren’t the only problem

I still do not understand who pays for what and how often, when etc. Who pays for the mortgage, bills and all of this, including the council tax, internet? - him?

Who pays for the majority of the food? - him?

so you pay random things like kids clothes and your pets things.....

He pays the mortgage and household bills. OP is very enthusiastic to say she’s pays her own phone bills and some vets bills and sometimes half the food shop

Surely you know what he pays for even if you don't know how much he earns. Because otherwise you would be on the streets if noone paid a mortgage on a house you live in. You might be better than you are realising staying there

This. @Lonely12 is it horses you have with that insurance cost?

I dont understand how people who are struggling badly with money and have been from the get go end up with two dogs