Husband in debt again.

[Lonely12]

Hi I’m at a point where I don’t know whether to stay married to my husband. He has gotten into debt again. It’s been a repeated cycle through out our marriage.

our finances are separate, I have tried before to sit down and work out outgoings and incomings, but my husband said he would then back tracked. He pays the mortgage and bills. I used to give him some money towards the bill, not much, even when I was on disability benefits. I pay my own bills with my wage and stuff for our children.

he said he wouldn’t get in debt again and yet he has and now he wants to secure a loan against our house which will take 10 years to pay off, taking him into retirement. My name isn’t on the mortgage. He said that he will pay off the debts with the money and then he will have money spare each month to save and so we can do things. Currently can’t do anything as he has no money. I have offered to pay. Money has been spent on every day stuff and Xmas presents. I do buy most of the kids Xmas presents and all birthday, I also buy all their clothes.

Leave.

First post nails it. And securing unsercured debt on your home is not usually a good idea at all. He would be better taking advice from one of the free and reputable debt advice charities like National Debtline or StepChange.

But still leave

When you say you pay your bills and the kids' stuff and he pays the rest, What's the breakdown? How much do you both earn and what are the monthly household outgoings? What's it been spent on?

My response to this depends on those answers really, obviously he shouldn't be burying his head in the sand, but if the debt is just that the family spends more than he can afford to sustain and you're not contributing, then the debt is family debt really regardless of whose name it is in.

Leave
see a solicitor
is he a gambler?
he is prioritising spending over his family and that’s enough
he will never change and he’s a decade from retiring (although he’s be in poverty - don’t be there with him)

Is he in debt because of the cost of living crisis or is he wasting money? If it's bills that he can't afford, I think it's different to gambling. If he simply can't afford the outgoings is there anyway you can contribute more?

No.
A loan with extra interest when he already can't manage! ?? Just no.
You ( or more accurately he) should contact one of the many facilities available for debt management. Frontline and free is citizens advice.
Debts can be negotiated down . Sometimes partly written off. Consolidated if necessary.
He could also consider bankruptcy.

You need advice too. I don't know how you can secure your 50% of the house equity as you stand now, but it should be your priority.
He has already proven himself untrustworthy repeatedly. And unable to manage money. So this is him behaving exactly as advertised.
Hes not changing.

Definatly not, he done it, he gets out of it. Do not take out a unsecured loan in your name.
Don't let this man tell you either that if you leave you will get nothing from the house you are married. See a solicitor if you have too. He is reckless and expects you to bail him out. Its not the first time either.

When you say the debt is from day to day stuff, what do you mean? Is there anything untoward such as gambling debt etc?

It reads like he’s the main financial provider for your family and his income isn’t sufficient to cover your costs. Is that the case? When you say your pay your bills, what are those? Are you contributing towards shared family costs such as groceries, utilities etc?

Absolutely, he should not be going behind your back and taking loans against your home, but whether or not I’d leave would depend on the circumstances. If he’s, say, gambling, and hiding debt from that I’d be gone, however if he’s struggling to keep your collective heads above water and is bearing the brunt of that strain, you need to understand what the best way to manage this is as a family.

Are you named on the land registry as a joint owner, because if not you need to have a matrimonial notice placed on there to prevent him remortgaging or selling. It's easy to do. You also need to sever the joint tenancy to ensure your share of the property is safe.

How much debt is it? Is he being unreasonable in his spending or just not earning enough to cover all the out goings?
Securing a loan against the house is a terrible idea. Get him to contact one of the charities that give free debt advice.
Keeping your finances separate is wise but maybe you should agree to be able to keep track of each others finances if you're going to stay and to work out how much you can afford to spend weekly and on Christmas etc together based on that. You need to get more involved in the finances if you're going to stay.

Never swap unsecured debt for secured debt. That’s a fundamental principle of financial literacy.

Divorce.

So, you hardly contribute anything to the household bills. No wonder he is struggling with money!

I think you need to be really clear about whether he's spending above your means on things for him, or if he has taken responsibility for the finances here and you have a shortfall between you. You can't blame him for the second scenario and you would need to be far more involved day to day to share the budgetting burden with him.

Like other posters, I think it depends if he's frittering money away or gambling, or whether he's genuinely struggling to cover all the outgo from his salary. Why don't you pay towards the mortgage? Do you earn a lot less than him?

No to an unsecured loan. No to only him understanding the mortgage payments. This is your home too. I am assuming you are legally married ? That matters.
You need full details of what the problem is, how much to whom.
This is your business as it affects you. Full details. And then get advice on how to work it out. It is one thing to get into debt. What matters is that he works hard to get out of it.

@Lonely12

See a solicitor ASAP. Not just to discuss divorce but to discuss what, if anything, you can do to stop him taking out a loan against your home.

You say you are 'not on the mortgage'. Are you on the deeds? (Where I live in the US, this is possible). If you are on the deeds chances are he can't take a loan out using your house as security without your agreement. Do NOT agree!!!

Honestly, if I were you I'd divorce him. He obviously doesn't give a shit about your financial security. If he did, he would have come to you as soon as he got into the least bit of financial difficulty. Not after the debt has gotten so huge that he wants to take out a loan and has to use your home as security.

PS I think he's gambling.

It sounds like he is expected to do a lot with his money. Paying the mortgage and bills. Do you work? Do you contribute much? It is hard to judge without knowing the details.

Sounds like he is struggling. It must be tough having full responsibility for mortgage and bills. Can't you help out with this?

Hi thank you. He did get advice from step changes, was one of their suggestions. I was against it and thought he was going to do a payment plan. I don’t have any where me and my children can go

Hi I earn a lot less than him. I’ve always had to pay for kids stuff, my bills like car insurance, clothes etc even when I wasn’t working and getting disability benefits

Hang on, why is the husband getting pasting here? He’s literally paying all of the bills and the mortgage, plus the day to day stuff, plus Xmas (if I’ve read that correctly). The op is only spending her own money on whatever she likes and ‘her own bills’ whatever they are. And at least at one point she was disabled. This man is keeping his entire family afloat here and has always done so from the sounds of things. Where are people getting that he’s gambling and not just drowning from the entire responsibility of the whole family?

He keeps struggling as he keeps getting into debt, taking loans out for a holiday was one, instead of saving. We moved house and the mortgage payments went up, he said he would be better off as the 20.000 of debt he was in before we moved was paid off by the equity in the house. I asked him if he was sure that we could afford to buy the house, that he couldn’t risk getting into debt again and that we neeeded to sit down and go through finances when we moved. He assured me he wouldn’t get in debt again, that we could afford the house and he would sit down with me. I pay towards the groceries, I’m currently paying for all of the groceries as found out at weekend he doesn’t have any money, so I’ve been paying for all past two weeks

I’m not named at all. I’m not on the mortgage as my credit rating isn’t good. I’m trying to improve it

I'm struggling to understand if your husband is being financially reckless or if he simply doesn't have enough money to pay for things. I think you'll have to be more explicit to get good advice op.

I’ve tried to get more involved in the finances over the years and he doesn’t let me. I’ve tried again since we moved and he refused to sit down with me to go through them. He owe 15000