Husband in debt again.

[Lonely12]

Hi I’m at a point where I don’t know whether to stay married to my husband. He has gotten into debt again. It’s been a repeated cycle through out our marriage.

our finances are separate, I have tried before to sit down and work out outgoings and incomings, but my husband said he would then back tracked. He pays the mortgage and bills. I used to give him some money towards the bill, not much, even when I was on disability benefits. I pay my own bills with my wage and stuff for our children.

he said he wouldn’t get in debt again and yet he has and now he wants to secure a loan against our house which will take 10 years to pay off, taking him into retirement. My name isn’t on the mortgage. He said that he will pay off the debts with the money and then he will have money spare each month to save and so we can do things. Currently can’t do anything as he has no money. I have offered to pay. Money has been spent on every day stuff and Xmas presents. I do buy most of the kids Xmas presents and all birthday, I also buy all their clothes.

What he is doing is borrowing on the house to pay off existing debts. So those debts will all be paid and the equity in the house will be reduced. So in effect, OP is contributing to paying off those debts.

But going forward, if he take out more unsecured loans in his name, then they are not OPs debts.

Hopefully the OP will pay some meaningful bills before that has to happen though.

Do you pay towards the mortgage? If you are living there then surely you should be helping with the costs ? What is the debt being caused by ? It it just from bills or anything you can cut back on like car payments or anything you can cancel ? You need to sit down together and work monthly ingoings and outgoings

What is your husband’s income? Is he able to set up a debt repayment plan? It may take years but that’s better than remortgaging

I don't think the OPs DH has actually defaulted on the loan though. She's just annoyed he has any debt and won't save

But seems oblivious to the fact that he somehow has to run a household (all household bills like gas, electric, insurances, council tax, majority groceries, his own car costs, debt repayments etc) all on just 50% of his wage as the mortgage is 50% of his wages already.

😂😂😂😂😂 what's actually hilarious about this post is,you are both as bad as each other in debt but still spent money on presents for each other???? Are you fir real though ?? Seriously,not a pot to piss in and up to your eyes and beyond in debt and still buying presents..this is why you both are in debt because yous are living a lifestyle you cannot afford..going on holidays ..again a luxury you cannot afford..do not come on here slating your husband when you are as bad if not worse,at least he's bringing in a high wage and keeping a roof over your head !!!

@Lonely12 - you say the marriage is unhappy, so why not take steps to end it and at the same time rid yourself from this utterly chaotic financial situation.

Educate yourself about the process - Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies, family solicitor websites. Also have a look at Form E; he may refuse to be straight about his finances to you, but he will have to declare his assets and liabilities to the court.

Make a CAB appointment for initial information, before consulting with a family solicitor.

You’re not an innocent party in this. Reading the full thread, at best you come across as oblivious and naive; at worst, you’ve actively enabled this situation and have no one to blame but yourself.

Your poor kids.

This thread is terrible. Some of the comments are really harsh and show no compassion. OP has come for help and to vent not to get a kicking from strangers on the internet.

As @GimmieABreakOr3 has said, I think it would be helpful to have all the figures. His salary, your salary actual cost of mortgage/bills etc.

I don’t think it would be helpful. The husband has zero interest in taking advice from MN. Neither has he asked for any help.

Would you think it’s ok for someone else to post about your finances online?

a debt repayment plan is a terrible idea. He doesn’t appear to defaulting and any repayment plan will affect his credit rating and ability to remortgage at decent fixed rates going forward.

To be fair I don't think OP has any interest in taking advice either. This is clearly going to trundle on as it is until they are both ruined.

Why is it a bad idea? When I say repayment plan, I mean as a household, they need to collectively look at their joint income and outgoings. Plenty of people share very basic info like this on forums and it can still be anonymous. It doesn’t need to be specific financial info, just the basics.

My husband and I both have some debt, and we both sat down and figured out a plan. We’ll be clear of the majority of our debt by next year. It meant we had to cut out subscriptions and things like that and adjust our lifestyle such as holidays and the weekly food shop.

A repayment plan usually refers to a formal agreement with your creditor to repay at a rate other than the agreed, contracted rate ie a permissible default.

loans come with built in repayment plans- pay x on x date every month. The OPs DH is making these payments, as far as we know. He doesn’t need to make a plan with her

This kind,of financial recklessness is like an addiction ( my first husband behaved like this) no matter how many times the situation is‘solved’ the unmanageable behaviour is not addressed -there is an inability to fast forward to the outcome of their actions
like the alcoholic taking the first drink always papering over the cracks but never addressing the underlying behaviour you should not have to live with economic insecurity due to someone else’s financial recklessness also it is terrible that you are able to keep re- structuring debt to get extra cash !

The issue is the husband won’t share his bank details or anything about finances with Lonely12

Lonely12 has tried to do this already but can’t do anything because her dh won’t

Ya but she could easily pay for groceries... transfer him money toward the gas & Electric etc

That’s really not good at all - yes, she can transfer money to help him but with that much shared debt, they need a joint plan as they’re married. If he continues to hide the finances from her, I would say that is grounds for divorce but she really needs to think about her own position to do that first.

She really should have thought about her position a long time ago though.

She's been very happy all along to contribute very minimally and knew well that he must have been struggling / couldn't afford everything.

Hes probably extremely stressed trying to keep the family afloat and doesn't want to listen to her chastising him. The fact that she made a post basically complaining about him getting in debt in the first place shows the kind of persona she emits.

I think they are both partially to blame - complete lack of communication and transparency.

Absolutely 💯
A very peculiar marriage setup

Sorry that should have said isn’t on the loan

We haven’t been on holiday for four years

I sympathise with your situation @Lonely12 but even if all you are doing is treading water, your family (you and your husband) are living beyond your means. You are not bringing sufficient income to the household to offset the enormous chunk of his take-home pay he is spending on the mortgage and household bills to cover all your day-to-day spending. You cannot solely blame him for this. You really only have two solutions: reduce your household's outgoings (costs associated with you, your DC, your DH and your pets) or increase your incomes. That you both (and this is not just on your DH) have gone into more debt to cover this debt is not going to help in the long run, unfortunately. And from what you've posted here, it doesn't seem as if you are very open to either reducing household spending or increasing your income. Both you and your DH need some serious financial advice as I fear you will find yourselves without a home at some point in the future.

Exactly, he's not spending on himself only, she's very quick to point the finger, needs to have a good look at her part in all this, the fella is probably afraid and stressed because of the whole situation so she doesn't appear to be a reasonable or approachable person