Husband in debt again.

[Lonely12]

Hi I’m at a point where I don’t know whether to stay married to my husband. He has gotten into debt again. It’s been a repeated cycle through out our marriage.

our finances are separate, I have tried before to sit down and work out outgoings and incomings, but my husband said he would then back tracked. He pays the mortgage and bills. I used to give him some money towards the bill, not much, even when I was on disability benefits. I pay my own bills with my wage and stuff for our children.

he said he wouldn’t get in debt again and yet he has and now he wants to secure a loan against our house which will take 10 years to pay off, taking him into retirement. My name isn’t on the mortgage. He said that he will pay off the debts with the money and then he will have money spare each month to save and so we can do things. Currently can’t do anything as he has no money. I have offered to pay. Money has been spent on every day stuff and Xmas presents. I do buy most of the kids Xmas presents and all birthday, I also buy all their clothes.

I think it really depends whether he’s been gambling and overspending or whether he’s struggling to fund the family given you’re only working PT.

Taking out a loan is crazy talk though as it simply increases the existing debt. Which indicates he’s not very good with money generally. Or not very bright.

Why on earth did you sign?! thats 10 more years plus the possibility of no home at the end of it. You are as bad as each other.

Signing for a loan that has nothing to do with you. This doesn’t sound right?

If he had lodgers he wouldn’t need them to sign for his loan against the house just because they live there.

Are you sure your credit is still bad and the loan isn’t actually being taken out in your name too?

Re-look at the paperwork you’ve just signed.

I'm afraid neither of you sound financially competent and if you separate from your husband the debt will still sit with you. You both need to sit down with a debt councillor and work out how to reduce your debt and more importantly cut your spending. You can not afford your lifestyle.

Rubbish!
I only pay 1 bill my husband pays for everything else and he’s not in debt!
you can’t blame this lady for her husbands debt!!

This is yet another thread where an OP sprinkles vague information, is asked for clarity and none is forthcoming
Unless we understand the numbers (earnings, debts, payments and in each case by who) then no one has a clue.
Except of course for those who immediately diagnose secret gambling, advise separation and divorce without considering that both parties will be in a situation where a £15k debt looks like a ripple in the financial stream

He needs to stop being in denial and come clean and be transparent with the finances. If you're going to solve it, you do it together alongside debt counselling! If he loves you and your children, and cares about you, he will swallow his pride and do the right thing. If he insists on his current stance, you really need to look at your options. Are there family members that can get involved or speak some sense into him?

May I ask - Are all the children his? Just from your posts, I’m wondering if some of the children are just yours… I’ll be honest, it all sounds a bit odd… you are not on the mortgage with your DH? You want to leave him because of debt, but you yourself have a poor credit rating. His debt is from a holiday - were you on this holiday too?
Your lifestyle choices such as having two dogs when you are disabled and cannot work full time is your own business of course. I just think

LEAVE

Looks like, if you're married, that you are actually both in debt. Might be useful to get some support help/advice from CAB, CAP etc...
Looks as like your husband needs help and you both need support.

Why did you sign for the loan?
Were you afraid of not doing so?
Are you being coerced?

Really need to know both sides here it's very easy to point the finger, but always hear both sides

I wouldn't leave a man who pays mortgage and bills, unless he's violent, addicted, gambling, cheating and so on. I think there is so many of us now in debt simply because life is so expensive now. It doesn't look that terrible to me. If he respects you and doesn't splurge on unnecessary expenses I personally don't think he is so much to blame. It would be good to know the whole picture, including your contributions. Perhaps he can only see this loan as the solution, and often there's no way out unless the family income increases

Being married and raising children together is all about team work. Thats why when you have children your finances should be in a joint pot, so that money going out is the responsibility of both of you. I’d be arranging for a joint account, where all money going in and out can be monitored by both of you. Has your mortgage gone up over the last 12 months? Have your utility bills increased to unmanageable amounts? You both need to be aware, not just one person.

And how’s that going to help OP? He’s basically managing all household expenses himself, although not managing them well it seems, but certainly not a ‘LTB’ situation. Plus OP only works part time and has already stated she’s unable to work FT, so is hardly in a good situation to leave.

See a lawyer urgently.

You knew about this months ago but still indulge in many luxeries ? Desoite being part time and a little income ?🤔

Your husband pays the mortgage and all the household bills.

You pay pocket money amounts it sounds like by comparison.

Why is it acceptable for you to be in debt because of family outgoings but not your husband?

If you break up where/how will you live?

What's his income?

You can't just spend £200 on pet insurance, you can't afford to have pets by the sounds of it. Why aren't you living within your means?

This still! How often are you buying things like Children’s furniture including beds, cots etc
and yes, why wouldn’t you as the SAHP be the one to take the dc to appointments?
or do you think that your husband should be
requesting time off from work to do
these tasks?

@Lonely12 Are the kid both of yours? From the way you've written comments it sounds as if they (or at least some kids) are just yours?

Do you know how much he earns? I just wonder how you genuinely thought everything was getting paid because he has a lot of pressure paying the majority of living expenses.

Paying for things like carpets, kids phones and pets you can't afford isn't overly helpful.

I would suggest, Step Change to him.. they can help with a debt management, they will set out a budget, so he pays a bit to each debt.
Or he do an IVA, if he can afford a set amount each month.
They will work out which is the best for him and you, it's a free Charity, they don't charge a fee like some companies do.

I would suggest, Step Change to him

OP's already said that she's done that and he's rejected it.

This is yet another thread where an OP sprinkles vague information, is asked for clarity and none is forthcoming
Unless we understand the numbers (earnings, debts, payments and in each case by who) then no one has a clue.

But if he won't discuss it, won't go through the figures, then the OP doesn't have a clue either and can't give clarity.

My bad. He didn't reject Step Change. It was the OP who rejected their solution, because according to him (I'm suspicious, it doesn't sound like something they would suggest) taking out a loan against the house was their idea.

You’re doing so well to keep this away from your children @Lonely12please give yourself credit for that.
There’s some great advice here, take it on board & protect yourself & your DC. You all deserve better in life than what you currently have. Keep strong, be honest, take one step at a time, and believe in a positive future for you all.

I see from some of your previous threads OP that the mortgage is 50% of his wages... thats extreme.

You also knew he was £10k plus in debt and that he spoke to Step Change, he was considering an equity release on the house, you are paying for YOUR food (he's paying for him & the kids groceries by sounds of it), you knew he had no money and was struggling. You receive DLA for both children on top of your wages hence why you pay for the kids.

Instead of putting money off the credit card knowing he was swimming in bills, you went off and got the floors done and complain hes not decorating the house etc? I think even your priorities are a but messed up too. How did you expect him to ever get out of the credit card debt knowing he was living pay check to pay check and couldnt afford it, but you chose to replace the carpets in the house instead of helping to pay the bills?

You have an income problem in the house...