AIBU to say no to my son and partner moving in?

[OneFunnyPearlTurtle]

My adult son and his girlfriend live together and have happy lives and good jobs. Randomly I get a call from them saying they are planning on ditching their current jobs and getting new ones and moving in with us to save money for a deposit to be able to buy their own place. They wouldn’t be able to travel to their current jobs from our house due to longer commutes. They have accumulated their own house full of possessions and pets, they have no children. I was not expecting this at all and am annoyed that they have made a huge decision without discussing it with us first. I feel railroaded into helping them and annoyed that they have made this assumption. My DH has been DS DSD for over half his life has told me no as it is impractical and has left me to have the conversation with them. I want to help them and feel guilty if I consider not helping them, but I have to also consider the huge impact it would have on mine and DH lives. DS has said they will live in the garage and have told us they will pay a token £50 a week in rent so that they can have maximum opportunities to save. I couldn’t bear to have them in the garage but we don’t have a bedroom for them as DH and I need separate bedrooms for health issues. AIBU to say no to their idea? Do I just ignore it as they might be running through the practicalities of various ideas? Are they being CF by assuming they can disrupt our lives? Am I horrible for not wanting this to happen? They want to pay for storage for their house full of possessions which will eat into a huge chunk of their money. I feel awful for wanting to say no to them but I don’t see how this can work day to day and long term. DS GF has a notoriously troublesome family that have said they can’t wait and will be here visiting all the time and I just don’t want all the disruptions. WWYD?

You have to be joking! She has to be uncomfortable, and take a tiny amount from them for rent /, keep! Perhaps she ought to sleep in a tent in the garden!

OP…couldn’t you sleep on sofa downstairs and give them your bedroom?

Ha ha. That's what would be said if this was OP's stepchild!

So it's op's dh who should be sleeping on the sofa, being the step parent.....

No way in hell should either of the people who actually pay the bills consider giving up their rooms to this pair. That's before you take into account their health issues.

As Margaret Thatcher once said, 'No. No. No.'

Absolutely not

Why on earth would she do that?

i dont think you are being unreasonable to feel you don't have room for your adult son ,his partner and pets or that you dont want the disruption of your DS visiting family.. From what you have said you don't have room.That said ,in the current climate leaving good jobs without having found another job is not wise and storage cost are expensive. They need to find another way to save for a deposit. Could they economise, move to a cheaper area ?

OP…couldn’t you sleep on sofa downstairs and give them your bedroom?

I think this is meant to be a joke, isn’t it?

If not, why on earth are women always being asked to give up, sacrifice, make do, make room? Especially women who are either single or have the temerity to want to sleep alone in their own space.

Funny someone mentioned step parents as no one is asking it of the step dad!

And why the hell should she do that?!

That’s a NO from me
Followed By a future NO to looking after their pets while they travel

They're going to save for a house by giving up their jobs. What a pair of geniuses. As we used to say in the 80s OP, "just say no".

Conversation goes something like this.

I sympathise with your situation, however your proposal to live here does not work for us. We do not have the space and do not want extra pets. Your £50 a week would not cover the extra expenses of you living here and we cannot bank roll you.
However, maybe look at selling your extra furniture and moving to a 3 or 4 bed shared tenancy house. That way you can stay in your jobs and save money. Maybe set out a financial plan where you can both save around 30-50% of your wages each month. You will need to be extra frugal and go with for the year but it will get you where you want to be.
I wish you all the luck and will support you by giving advice where needed.
*Or offer to store their furniture in garage while they do shared tenancy, to show your 'support'

Does your garage have kitchen and bathroom facilities?
If not, what's their thinking around that?
Is there room for them and their visitors to sit in there in relative comfort?
Realistically this won't work, they seem to be doing a lot of blue sky thinking, time for a reality check.
Unless they are planning to be mortgage free won't they need evidence of steady jobs and good salaries to get a mortgage? So both leaving their jobs may not be the best idea. Some economies and maybe taking an extra part-time job each to save a deposit may be more sensible.
The only way we could scrape together a house deposit was to both work Mon-Fri full-time then both worked in a pub evenings and two shifts Sat and Sun. Totally knackering but no pain no gain. Maybe they might consider doing similar if you make it clear that running home to mummy is not an option.

I don’t think they can legally live in the garage, and you have no space. It’s a definite no.

Maybe set out a financial plan where you can both save around 30-50% of your wages each month. You will need to be extra frugal and go with for the year but it will get you where you want to be.

Sounds like what you might say to a 6 yo who wants to save up for an expensive Lego set. Does any actual adult need to be told they will need to go without things if they want to save up?

A lot of infantilising going on with some of these suggested conversations.

You can only say NO. Op you might be able to help out in some other, less disruptive, way. For example, could you store their household possessions in your garage for two years while they rent a very small bedsit and also find better paying jobs? Could you suggest that they take up house sitting in places near their best paying jobs? Could they save by relinquishing many of their pets and selling many possessions?

I believe in helping your family when you can, but I wouldn't appreciate being told that someone was moving in, paying only a token sum for rent, and bringing unwelcome guests as the cherry on top.

You don't have to agree to this, so don't. They'll have to find other ways to save. I would offer to store some of their belongings, if possible, but even that has its limits. You can't fit a houseful of 'stuff' into a normal garage.

How bizarre, sounds like a pipe dream, had they been up all night on substances prior to this?

It sounds more like they've tired of adulting and want you to provide for their lives, including gf and her family being in your home all the time.

Who gives up two jobs when the goal is to save for a home? Come on now.

And living in a garage, surely that isn't legal where you are. They know that's just stupid and they'd be in your house faster than you could say sucker.

If they were moving home to save, they would sell everything and each see if they could move to their own family's homes. They would re-home pets. But no. They want your home and possibly think you'll give it up to them. Have you been a soft touch before?

Tell them try her family for their housing wants and see how far that pittance they offered flys.

I have a stepson like this. I told my husband Id leave him if they moved in. It would be absolutely horrendous. You must be firm. They have a cheek !

Copied from an earlier poster: Adults go to work and pay their own housing costs

Time for them to grow up. Such entitled behaviour!

Wow, they're generous with other people's money and property. Tell them they no, one does not "make a decision" to go and live in someone else's home without invitation, and it's a no.

What is it the gf's family "can't wait" for?