AIBU to say no to my son and partner moving in?

[OneFunnyPearlTurtle]

My adult son and his girlfriend live together and have happy lives and good jobs. Randomly I get a call from them saying they are planning on ditching their current jobs and getting new ones and moving in with us to save money for a deposit to be able to buy their own place. They wouldn’t be able to travel to their current jobs from our house due to longer commutes. They have accumulated their own house full of possessions and pets, they have no children. I was not expecting this at all and am annoyed that they have made a huge decision without discussing it with us first. I feel railroaded into helping them and annoyed that they have made this assumption. My DH has been DS DSD for over half his life has told me no as it is impractical and has left me to have the conversation with them. I want to help them and feel guilty if I consider not helping them, but I have to also consider the huge impact it would have on mine and DH lives. DS has said they will live in the garage and have told us they will pay a token £50 a week in rent so that they can have maximum opportunities to save. I couldn’t bear to have them in the garage but we don’t have a bedroom for them as DH and I need separate bedrooms for health issues. AIBU to say no to their idea? Do I just ignore it as they might be running through the practicalities of various ideas? Are they being CF by assuming they can disrupt our lives? Am I horrible for not wanting this to happen? They want to pay for storage for their house full of possessions which will eat into a huge chunk of their money. I feel awful for wanting to say no to them but I don’t see how this can work day to day and long term. DS GF has a notoriously troublesome family that have said they can’t wait and will be here visiting all the time and I just don’t want all the disruptions. WWYD?

Nope. I would let ds move in if he was stuck, gf can go to her family. And this would be if he fell on hard times not a deliberate choice to leave work. And in that case I would expect to offer not be told that is what is happening.

It’s the “telling you” theyll be paying £50 a week which is the real CFery here.Thats up to you not them, as is whether they move into your own home. £50 will barely cover the electricity and water they use, then I doubt there’s a full kitchen in that garage so they’ll be rinsing your food as well.

Hell no! End of discussion. Cheeky sods, I’m incensed on your behalf.

For me the conversation would be "we love you very much and wish we could help but we arent able to have you, gf and pets living with us. I know it will take longer but you will have to save while renting."

Oh and people can only railroad you if you don’t speak up and say no.

They don't get to tell you that this is happening, cheeky bastards. Say no and mean it.

Just say no sorry but it won’t work for you. They can move into her parents if they must.

As all others have said, please say no! This will disrupt your life, you don't have space (and of course it isn't okay for have anybody living in your garage!), cost you financially and this isn't your responsibility!

I remember years ago I decided I was going to use my dad's car, as he wasn't using it for a few months (working away abroad) and mine had just broken. I was genuinely shocked as to why that wouldn't be ok when I asked and got told no. I hadn't thought about the implications, cost of MOT/servicing, what if something went wrong with it, etc. I was disappointed at the time but quickly understood it wasn't for my parents to resolve my car issues! I know this is quite different but please say no, you won't regret it!

Absolutely not . Who does he think he is putting on you both like that . Cheek of him .

I wouldn't be feeling bad, or sad, I'd be feeling bloody angry, that they've unilaterally decided this, and acted upon it, feeling safe in the knowledge that you will lovingly buckle. No bloody way. As far as I would be concerned, they actively created this mess, on purpose, and they would be sorting it out themselves. From somewhere that was not my home.

They haven’t thought this through at all.

My son and his girlfriend moved back with us after buying a property for new jobs (and girlfriend at university). It wasn’t working so they “briefly” moved back with us. They had lived with us before for a few months and we had plenty of room for them to do so, two rooms of their own.

It cost them dearly in storage fees, and it disrupted our relationship with them on the second return when they were unable to find another property, girlfriend was out of work and then Covid hit, so added to the house hunting delay and tension.

My son already had the financial situation to buy and it wasn’t working for them, so I don’t see how your situation would ever work.
They can’t live in the garage either, my BIL let his son try that after the divorce and the council had a tip off from someone (actually think it was the bin men) and he was forced to apply for planning permission to convert the garage to living accommodation and was charged more council taxes, then the expense of returning it to a garage on the sale of the property later.

You are going to have to be cruel to be kind.

They were very rude in how they approached you and a token £50 is ridiculous.
I would help my dc out, but we have the space. It doesn’t sound like your make up is feasible and I think they’re mad to give up their jobs in the current market. You need to tell them no asap before they make rash decisions.

Is your garage fit for human habitation?

What a pair of cheeky fuckers! How old are they?

It's astonishing, isn't it? Imagine presenting it as a done deal!

This is crazy! They haven't asked you if this would be OK, they have just announced what they are doing. You need to tell them that it is not feasible. The fact that your son's girlfriend's notoriously awful family have said that they will be visiting all the time is another reason why this definitely won't work.

It's not just your house, it's your DH's too and he is saying no.

The council will get alerted to anyone living in a garage as it would not comply to building regs/fire risk etc.

You need to give them the hard no today @OneFunnyPearlTurtle They are living in a fantasy land. If they feel this strongly they need to live in a van or something, not freeload off you. Disgusting behaviour.

“they are planning on ditching their current jobs and getting new ones and moving in with us to save money for a deposit”

So at present it’s just a plan - you need to stamp on this right now, before they assume (and they seem to be quite happy to make outrageous assumptions) that you will just roll over and go along with them. OP, quite apart from any other consideration, it is massively impractical. Your DC leave and become independent for good reason. So they think they’re going to live in the garage, do they, and pay a token amount towards living with you. Will they be doing their own cooking (and messing up your kitchen) or will they be expecting full hotel service? I assume the latter as they reckon they want “maximum opportunities to save” - clearly on your dollar. Who will be looking after their animals? Do you want the depredations to your garden that said animals will definitely entail? OP, it is an utterly stupid idea, and you need to nip this in the bud, even at the cost of a temporarily frosty relationship with your grabby son and his inconsiderate GF (to say nothing of her family, who seem to think it will be perfectly acceptable to descend en masse). Seriously, you need to put a stop to this, because if you fall out with them over refusing to let them move in, it will be as nothing to the fall-out that will ensue from throwing them out when you simply can’t stand it any longer.

Your son knows you don’t have a spare room, yet has decided without any discussion to move in to your garage and give you £50pw??
Im speechless, no ask, discussion, just TELLS you, they are a pair of cheeky cunts.
Phone him today and tell him
absolutely no.

They are making a lot of assumptions here. .... that you will want them there, and their animals, that £50 will suffice.
They have been making plans without consulting you!
We all want to help.our families if they are in a jam, but this is not the situation here.
I know it will be hard to be telling him No and hope you can find a way of doing this without falling out.

"tell" them right back that you can't accommodate them and that they should keep their jobs. But also explain why.

They've been extremely arrogant in not discussing it with you and just assuming.

Why on earth does your son think he can move in with you without asking? Why didn't you immediately say no or at least ask him to do nothing until you and DH had discussed it? Something has gone awry with your communication.

Do they have new jobs lined up?
Is the garage an actual room or like a mattress next to the paintbuckets and bicycles?

That being said, you do not have to agree to this. And he can't dictate the terms or the compensation? And having your son come live with you is one thing but bringing a partner as well would be a no from me.

No. Its the only answer here. You are going to be massively out of pocket and your life will be miserable. Let them move into gf's house and cause even more trouble in their hugely troublesome family.

I would reply immediately that this isn’t a viable solution and they cannot move in to the house or garage.

If you don’t act quickly then they will guilt you further by saying they have already resigned and told their landlord they are moving out and now they have no choice but to move in or be homeless