AIBU to say no to my son and partner moving in?

[OneFunnyPearlTurtle]

My adult son and his girlfriend live together and have happy lives and good jobs. Randomly I get a call from them saying they are planning on ditching their current jobs and getting new ones and moving in with us to save money for a deposit to be able to buy their own place. They wouldn’t be able to travel to their current jobs from our house due to longer commutes. They have accumulated their own house full of possessions and pets, they have no children. I was not expecting this at all and am annoyed that they have made a huge decision without discussing it with us first. I feel railroaded into helping them and annoyed that they have made this assumption. My DH has been DS DSD for over half his life has told me no as it is impractical and has left me to have the conversation with them. I want to help them and feel guilty if I consider not helping them, but I have to also consider the huge impact it would have on mine and DH lives. DS has said they will live in the garage and have told us they will pay a token £50 a week in rent so that they can have maximum opportunities to save. I couldn’t bear to have them in the garage but we don’t have a bedroom for them as DH and I need separate bedrooms for health issues. AIBU to say no to their idea? Do I just ignore it as they might be running through the practicalities of various ideas? Are they being CF by assuming they can disrupt our lives? Am I horrible for not wanting this to happen? They want to pay for storage for their house full of possessions which will eat into a huge chunk of their money. I feel awful for wanting to say no to them but I don’t see how this can work day to day and long term. DS GF has a notoriously troublesome family that have said they can’t wait and will be here visiting all the time and I just don’t want all the disruptions. WWYD?

Just say no. I think it’s not even a discussion beyond “we cannot accommodate this. No. The answer is no.”

It’s clearly a crazy idea on all sorts of levels but you’ll have an argument if you get into a discussion about it.

Adults go to work and pay their own housing costs. There might be a few exceptions but you ask first and don’t assume. They need to stay in work, not be enabled to give up their jobs.

DS has said they will live in the garage and have told us they will pay a token £50 a week in rent so that they can have maximum opportunities to save.

have only read OP. The answer to this is "nice try, DS. No. The answer is no full stop."

Good lord! What a pair of CFs! I’m all for helping out your adult kids but there is a limit and the way they’ve just tried to railroad you into it without actually asking is terrible. Not to mention the paltry £50 a week.

Whilst we are still in the family home the kids will always be welcome back plus partners maybe not so much barring an emergency.

They told you they are moving in and they told you it’s £50 a week rent they are paying?! No just no. This is not a great start and a taste of things to come lm sure. Are they always so rude and entitled. I would decline, don’t feel the pressure to explain or justify either

Being an adult means behaving like one! It doesn't mean they make a decision to leave decent jobs to move in with you, without even discussing it!!!! That's not responsible and it definitely isn't considerate.

I'm assuming you have a 2 bedroomed property? So there isn't a spare bedroom for your son and his girlfriend anyway? The garage, I'm assuming that this hasn't been converted into living accommodation?! If not, then your son is being ridiculous for suggesting it, and is likely using it to make you feel guilty. That in itself, would make me cross, knowing that my own son was using emotional blackmail to get his own way!!

It would be a very firm No, in your shoes! 'Your plan doesn't work for me or DH, so the answer is No'. If you need to elaborate further say 'There is no spare room, DH and I have separate rooms due to medical conditions and you living in an unconverted garage is a ludicrous idea. I'm willing to help you find a solution but you aren't living here'.

Randomly I get a call from them saying they are planning on ditching their current jobs and getting new ones and moving in with us to save money for a deposit to be able to buy their own place.

they are ditching their jobs? To save money for a deposit? Seems like they’re doing things in the wrong order.

Start looking for new job. Find new job. Then ditch old job. Save money for a deposit.

It seems as if they want to live with OP so they can ditch their current jobs and are simply trying to justify this. But maybe I’m being too cynical.

Hell no.

He's being rather entitled telling you what's going to happen in your own home. This is a terrible plan for you. Two people and pets and a load of crap moving in for 200 a month, is he living in Crazytown??

He thinks you're going to support both he and his gf. Jobs are tough to get right now. Housing is hard to find.

Tell him to slow his roll. They will not be moving in with you. Tell him to think of another plan. Plus, gf's family is never welcome at your home. They can sell their shit. They can get second jobs. But they are not moving in to suck you dry like a couple of parasites.

Your son has got a lot of nerve and comes off as a user thinking you'll house him and a gf and their pets and can't be bothered to ask permission. That right there would make me say no, along with the other stuff. He thinks you're a pushover.

Honestly, I feel stressed out in your behalf reading this!

If they're so entitled as to decide they're going to move in without even asking you first (the cheek of it!!) the mind boggles about the levels of entitlement that would be on display nice grey are ensconced.

Whatever angst you have to go through in order to say absolutely no way, not happening and deal with their huffs it's absolutely nothing compared to what you'll have to go through to get them out.

They are an adult couples, getting on the housing ladder is very hard but that's something they need to work out together.

Say no and stick to it, for god's sake.

Good lord , without so much as a conversation? Absolutely no . What age are they ? I think you need to sit them down and tell them that it isn't a good idea and I hope they haven't left their jobs yet .

This is one of the most insane examples of CFery I have seen. Your DH has taken the cowards way out and left you to deal with it. Well its his home too and you both need to present a united front on this.
Why give up steady jobs? The job market is unstable at the moment, a lot of firms closing down etc.
Stand firm and tell them its a firm NO.
How old are they BTW?

I done this, but with kids. We moved back to my parents for two years whilst we waited for a house to be built and to save, however we had these conversations properly before hand and we paid my parents much much more rent.

We sold pretty much everything in our rented house pretty much so had nothing to take, otherwise we would have had the storage issue also.

It may be easier as they don’t have children if you did agree to it but let me tell you it was hard and stressful! I’m not sure I could do it again but I’m forever grateful we had the choice!

I would tell them it's an interesting idea but it does not work for me, so no thank you.
It would be better for you op if you had shut them down when they first proposed this, but that doesn't mean you have to obey them now.

What if she gets pregnant living with you and they're both jobless?

Obviously you are not unreasonable to say no to someone trying to tell you they'll be moving into your house, whoever that someone is. If you wanted to help then could you offer your garage as storage, if it's big enough for someone to consider living in? That way you don't suddenly double the size of your household with two freeloaders but are offering practical help towards them buying somewhere.

No is a word and you need to be standing by this decision @OneFunnyPearlTurtle
I haven't voted because you are unreasonable to be even considering your DS and his GF moving in because you want to help them! The best support you can give is to let them stay in their jobs and support themselves.

“No, sorry, that just won’t work for us, we don’t have the space and can’t afford to provide for 2 adults who are not working. DS, if you are ever really struggling, of course we would help you out but your GF, as much as we like her, is not our responsibility.”

they need to hear the words “welcome to adulthood” the can’t just go back to mummy and daddy when things don’t go their way

Incredibly rude and presumptuous. I would absolutely shut down this idea immediately before they leave their jobs. Stand firm and let them know today that this will not be happening 😳

Don't make excuses about why they can't move in Op, just tell them you and your DH don't agree to this. Once they live with you it's a done deal with no timeline, if they can't find work, house prices go up, or they just don't save their money you could end up with them for years.
He's your DS so it's difficult to tell him No but in a couple of years with them there your relationship with him could be in pieces

YANBU.
Don't do it.

So rude and presumptuous of them. Living in garage is crazy and is it even legal or safe.

OP…couldn’t you sleep on sofa downstairs and give them your bedroom?

Ha ha. That's what would be said if this was OP's stepchild!

Don’t be held hostage by a decision they made without consulting you. You and your DH are doing the right thing by saying no this time. Your son and DIL are being total CF’s about this