AIBU to say no to my son and partner moving in?

[OneFunnyPearlTurtle]

My adult son and his girlfriend live together and have happy lives and good jobs. Randomly I get a call from them saying they are planning on ditching their current jobs and getting new ones and moving in with us to save money for a deposit to be able to buy their own place. They wouldn’t be able to travel to their current jobs from our house due to longer commutes. They have accumulated their own house full of possessions and pets, they have no children. I was not expecting this at all and am annoyed that they have made a huge decision without discussing it with us first. I feel railroaded into helping them and annoyed that they have made this assumption. My DH has been DS DSD for over half his life has told me no as it is impractical and has left me to have the conversation with them. I want to help them and feel guilty if I consider not helping them, but I have to also consider the huge impact it would have on mine and DH lives. DS has said they will live in the garage and have told us they will pay a token £50 a week in rent so that they can have maximum opportunities to save. I couldn’t bear to have them in the garage but we don’t have a bedroom for them as DH and I need separate bedrooms for health issues. AIBU to say no to their idea? Do I just ignore it as they might be running through the practicalities of various ideas? Are they being CF by assuming they can disrupt our lives? Am I horrible for not wanting this to happen? They want to pay for storage for their house full of possessions which will eat into a huge chunk of their money. I feel awful for wanting to say no to them but I don’t see how this can work day to day and long term. DS GF has a notoriously troublesome family that have said they can’t wait and will be here visiting all the time and I just don’t want all the disruptions. WWYD?

Your husband doesn't get to abdicate responsibility in this, you both need to be united in saying "Don't be so daft!". Why does your husband think it's YOUR job?

I would say no. And that would be it

I haven't read the whole thread so someone may have already suggested this but is this some kind of bluff on their part? They tell you that they want to move in and completely disrupt your lives in the hope that you will turn it around and just give them money for a house deposit rather than deal with the disruption?
Just a thought. @OneFunnyPearlTurtle

If you aren't using your garage currently and it's clean dry and secure, you could perhaps offer them to store some of their stuff so they can downsize/swap into a houseshare to reduce their rent. Only if you can accommodate it for s few years though!

As for them "announcing" they are moving in? And giving up their jobs (wtf???): "Don't be silly darling, you know we haven't got room. I think you and Jenny need to think this through properly."

See I wouldn't do that. I'd assume that they had a problem that they needed help with, and would want to help them work it through to see what their options actually were. Could I store most of their stuff whilst they get a houseshare to lower rent etc. Just because I couldn't help in the way they wanted wouldnt mean I didn't want to help.

Meanwhile in the real world....
This has cfery in 3 metre high neon lights.
If it would be bad enough them doing this then to have her 'dodgy' family rocking up. You'll never get rid of them OP. It'll be the garage then into your home for the evening, kitchen cooking food, the weather is getting cooler /cold can't sleep in the garage, you've got 2 bedrooms.. That can fuck right off on so many levels.

Yeah DB and wife moved in with my parents for 6 weeks mid house purchase.

18 months later...

Apart from the fact they are cf. You don't have the room. Simply tell them no.

I'd be telling them "it's easier to get a job when you've got a job". More to this than meets the eye @OneFunnyPearlTurtle.

If they are in deep schtuck I'd say room for one and gf has to go to her family. Guessing this wouldn't have been suggested in October as I don't imagine the gge has heating.

Practically what happens about kitchen facilities, the bathroom, etc.?

My cousin and his wife lived with my granny for a period of time before they bought a property. She did have a spare room for them but very quickly the whole situation became unpleasant. They agreed to pay half the household costs and granny would carefully calculate everything to a penny and give them an invoice at the end of the month. My cousin's wife was rounding everything down to the nearest fiver. I know it seems petty but it shows complete lack of respect for a pensioner who helped them out when in need. I never looked at the wife the same way again after this.
But if they were CF enough to just offer £50 a month, I'd tell them to fuck off myself.

You need to get this sorted before they land on your doorstep one day with their suitcases and pets. Tell them now so it doesn’t come up again.
Just to make myself clear. You will not be moving in with us. We can’t accommodate you living here. Please get that idea out of your head as it will not be happening.
You will rue the day you ever let them move in if you allow it and perhaps ruin your marriage in the process.

Cheeky buggers. They can move in with girlfriends parents if they will have them and accept their demands. Unbelievable how they think they can disrupt your lifestyle and dictate what they will do in your home

Please say ‘This doesn’t work for us’ - it’s a meaningless MN quote.

Just say very firmly, ‘Sorry, it’s out of the question - we simply don’t have room.’

Omg I couldn’t stop laughing when I read this. What is your ds thinking? You are going to need to react to this and fast with a firm no.

Even if it's a garage on your property it would probably be illegal to live in it unless it is a properly adapted to reside in. due to health and safety reasons, fire risk etc. Even if this is the case it might affect council tax bill.
Those who think it's okay do you seriously think that living in a garage with pets is a good idea and how many of you would allow it irl?
It's all too easy to say for my child I would live in a cardboard box, so they could have full run of my house. Then potentially take it over to the point I have to throw /evict them but in reality, I don't believe many would do this.

I'd help my child if it meant getting them out of renting and buying their own place. They've said they'll stay in the garage. I assume they'll need to come in to use the bathroom and kitchen? How long are we talking? A year?

I moved home to my mother's when I was 27-29, paid bills and only a nominal rent, and managed to save for my deposit. I kept my job and had a long commute but I was desperate to save money and this was the best way. I helped my mother run the home too. If I hadn't had that chance, I'd never have managed to buy a home. I accept it was just me, no partner or pets, and that makes a huge difference to your situation.

I'd tell my child that they are welcome to stay, the gf has to stay with her family though. And no pets.

If it makes it work better so you know it won't be forever, you can say he pays you x amount, you save x% of it and return it to him as part of his deposit, if he is out on xdate (a year or two or whatever is agreed a good end date for him to have saved enough for a deposit).

Absolutely not! You need to tell them immediately that this is no go. The £50 “token” rent to maximise saving is frankly insulting. And the family who “can’t wait” - let them house them then!

Abandoning their current jobs is frankly absurd. They should be leaning in to their current jobs and trying to get promoted if they need more money.

i think this early poster has a good suggestion:

It's great that you want to save for a house. Leaving your jobs is not the way to do it. You won't be able to move in with us. We haven't got enough room.
Perhaps start by selling as much of your stuff as you can and move into somewhere smaller and cheaper like a house share and see how you get on.

Paying rent to store their belongings rather than for themselves/ anything decent in their proposal to you is also ridiculous.

On the basis of the spectacular entitlement of what you have written, absolutely no way would I consider this.

Get back to them quickly, express your initial shock at the suggestion, and upon reflection you realise this would not work at all and is not possible. No apology.

He really is spectacularly entitled to think that any reasonable parent would want this in anything other that a crisis situation.... like a house burning down.

Certainly not an open ended situation that inconveniences you as they ditch their jobs.

Your son is a CF and breathtakingly entitled.

Tell him absolutely not and don't be apologetic about it either.

Who on earth does he think he is?
Be glad you don't have a spare bedroom!

Oh and I especially wouldn’t want them moving I whilst they don’t have jobs! Around the place all day, and with far less prospect of ever moving out.

It all sounds great to them but realistically it won’t work, you would have to get planning permission to change your garage into a bedsit in order to rent out to them. Where would you store all your items in the garage at the moment? It wouldn’t be big enough for visitors so not only would they come into your home to bathe and cook meals they would be hosting visitors in your house.

Is it a fancy garage, with toilet, washing machine, couch, bedroom , room for pets, visitors? Or £50 for half of your house, joys of pet sitting, visitors , use of all facilities, back door opening during night to go to toilet?

Just looked it up, living in an unadapted garage is illegal so by allowing it OP would be breaking the law so several levels.
H needs to put his foot down, man up and back up his wife.

Tell them to sell their possessions and move into
a house share where they share a room.

Alternatively tell them go to her family.

A bit unbelievable OP.
What have you raised?!

Assuming you are an adult as you have adult children, suggest you get your grown up self to tell them no.

Wow such entitlement