AIBU to say no to my son and partner moving in?

[OneFunnyPearlTurtle]

My adult son and his girlfriend live together and have happy lives and good jobs. Randomly I get a call from them saying they are planning on ditching their current jobs and getting new ones and moving in with us to save money for a deposit to be able to buy their own place. They wouldn’t be able to travel to their current jobs from our house due to longer commutes. They have accumulated their own house full of possessions and pets, they have no children. I was not expecting this at all and am annoyed that they have made a huge decision without discussing it with us first. I feel railroaded into helping them and annoyed that they have made this assumption. My DH has been DS DSD for over half his life has told me no as it is impractical and has left me to have the conversation with them. I want to help them and feel guilty if I consider not helping them, but I have to also consider the huge impact it would have on mine and DH lives. DS has said they will live in the garage and have told us they will pay a token £50 a week in rent so that they can have maximum opportunities to save. I couldn’t bear to have them in the garage but we don’t have a bedroom for them as DH and I need separate bedrooms for health issues. AIBU to say no to their idea? Do I just ignore it as they might be running through the practicalities of various ideas? Are they being CF by assuming they can disrupt our lives? Am I horrible for not wanting this to happen? They want to pay for storage for their house full of possessions which will eat into a huge chunk of their money. I feel awful for wanting to say no to them but I don’t see how this can work day to day and long term. DS GF has a notoriously troublesome family that have said they can’t wait and will be here visiting all the time and I just don’t want all the disruptions. WWYD?

No, you can't build a life for yourself with all that entails then just decide you are going to move back in with your parents to save money- they haven't discussed it with you because they know it's a huge imposition.
Wanting to save is fine, but expecting others to take a huge burden in order to do it is not- Let them move to a caravan or a houseboat instead- then they take the inconvenience not you.

Well done, OP. Hopefully now they will learn to be adults and stand on their own two feet and do what it takes to make a future for themselves.
At least you can now rest easy and get on with your own lives.

I said No. I think I feel guilty as I was always a problem solver when he was little but now he needs to solve things himself

He never used to be

Love this advice, thank you

Well done for tackling it directly and swiftly. I hope you feel proud of yourself. We are totally socialised as women to absorb everyone’s issues and suck it up. We have to unlearn that shit!! Also be proud that you have raised your DCs to be independent adults - you did that hard graft years ago - and not only would you be messing up your own life to have capitulated but you would also have inadvertently enabled him to regress - also look at your actions as also preserving your relationship with DS and his DP in the longer term because it could all get messy underneath your roof - no point risking that. Well done. Crack open the bubbles and run around naked in your own private space to celebrate your assertive management of this issue.

That is brilliant news, Op. Well done 😊

It's probably mostly the thoughtlessness of youth, I'm sure I was pretty self absorbed at that age!
Well done @OneFunnyPearlTurtle for dealing with it before his mad idea had a chance to grow legs😊

Good job OP.

Good for you for shutting such a terrible idea down. He thought you would put their wants ahead of your needs and found out differently.

Did you address how he told you rather than it being a request? He sounds very entitled to your home. How old is he?

Say no and put your foot down. They should not have assumed they could just move in with you without your permission or agreement. Maybe if they had asked you first you could have come to some agreement but their rudeness has backfired and it's their problem now. How do they think the rest of us save for a house while still paying rent who don't have parents to move in with?