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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

HolyCheeses and Mary… the spreadsheet, the bullshit bingo and the aftermath. Part deux

318 replies

HolyCheeses · 22/04/2026 17:36

Was asked to start a thread.

started a thread.

OP posts:
Holdinguphalfthesky · 29/04/2026 13:30

Has he addressed the actual problem- that he was attempting a con?

HolyCheeses · 29/04/2026 13:43

BeFunnyBiscuit · 29/04/2026 12:37

I am starting to think you should contact the police OP. This now is another level of harassment insisting on money he does not have a right over

OMG really?

OP posts:
chaosmaker · 29/04/2026 13:49

@HolyCheeses All it makes me think of is that stupid MS paper clip "it looks like you are trying to keep your con going. Would you like some help?"
Because who, in their right mind, would think that a spreadsheet would undo all that he's done. Also having been caught out with his expectations that you would want to continue the relationship.
Seperate houses/finances is always the answer!

Junippa · 29/04/2026 13:50

I don't know about it being a con (although it certainly doesn't sound great). My real concerns would be the unilateral/controlling/secretive attitude to money and budgeting, and the petulant and spiteful responses to being told "no" and to OP ending the relationship.

Those things might not be dramatic and laughable in the same way as the initial financial demand (not to mention Spreadsheet 2: Return of the Phantom Budget). But they seem to be even more fundamental and pervasive problems with him as a partner. It's not just a single event or disagreement. It's his whole attitude towards OP and towards the relationship.

(FWIW, I really don't think there's been anything so far on the thread to justify police involvement at all. Obviously that's just my opinion.)

BeFunnyBiscuit · 29/04/2026 13:57

HolyCheeses · 29/04/2026 13:43

OMG really?

No, I was expanding on the post which I quoted

BeFunnyBiscuit · 29/04/2026 13:59

BeFunnyBiscuit · 29/04/2026 13:57

No, I was expanding on the post which I quoted

The poster I quoted says: One hint of aggression and report ....
If you broke up already and he trashed your character on fb, what is this play now with second budget sheets unless it is nearing harassment....

AirborneElephant · 29/04/2026 15:08

BeFunnyBiscuit · 29/04/2026 13:59

The poster I quoted says: One hint of aggression and report ....
If you broke up already and he trashed your character on fb, what is this play now with second budget sheets unless it is nearing harassment....

Let’s not get OTT now. The guy’s a dick. OP is well rid. But slagging off your ex on FB, blocking them and then unblocking to send a “please reconsider” mail is a long way off criminal harassment.

ApproachingMinimums · 29/04/2026 15:26

What a lemon he is.

SpryCat · 29/04/2026 15:32

HolyCheeses · 29/04/2026 10:56

My gut tells me when he hears nothing he’s likely to be unpleasant. Certainly not what I had bargained for but I think I will be ok.Mentally it’s what I am bracing for.
thank you

There is nothing he can do that would be worse than how he would have treated you had you moved in with him.
I would expect him to unblock you so he can message you, I’d block him back and ignore him.

thepariscrimefiles · 29/04/2026 15:37

HolyCheeses · 29/04/2026 08:45

Thank you!

who predicted a new and revised spreadsheet ?

I was sent one this morning ! 🙄

WTF! Does he think that you're his accountant? Tell him to stick his spreadsheet up his arse.

AcrossthePond55 · 29/04/2026 16:09

@HolyCheeses

It wasn't actually a prediction, but I did warn that any 'reduced costs' offers you received would be a 'bait and switch' to get you back in the door. Then a demand for an increase once you had no place else to go. Nice try wise guy, but @HolyCheeses ain't buyin' what you're sellin'.

At this point I think PPs may be right, that he's overextended himself on this big house complacently thinking that you'd be funding a goodly portion of it. It may not be that he can't make the mortgage payments, but more that he's going to be 'house rich, cash poor' and his lifestyle will suffer as a result and/or that he's going to have to cut corners that he doesn't want to cut. Poor Diddums.

I am a bit surprised that he hasn't enlisted his friend's wife & her sister as flying monkeys to tell you how destroyed he is, how heartbroken, how he's vowed to 'do better'. Or maybe he has and they said no.

Probably best not to respond at all, but if it was me and I just couldn't let the opportunity pass, my response would be "ha. hahahahahaha. HAH....NO!"

I don't think sending you a new spreadsheet warrants police involvement. As long as you are simply amused and not upset, I'd ignore it. But if it crosses the line into threats, multiple contacts per day, issues demands (especially for money), or makes unwanted attempts to see you in person then I might be tempted to seek their advice.

BeFunnyBiscuit · 29/04/2026 16:22

Since the thread is still running, were you made aware OP, that he is buying a house with intention of having his parents there too? Or suddenly you were given the new situation and what is on the menu

honeybeetheoneandonly · 29/04/2026 17:16

Just copy and paste one of those "undelivered - email failed delivery" emails you get when an email address no longer accepts your emails as a reply

Bombayss · 29/04/2026 17:33

He put a lot of thought in the plan to fleece you.
A spreadsheet!
He has publicly rebuked you on FB.
Now a revised spreadsheet.
Probably focusing still on your value as a carer for his parents!
He wanted you to move, screw you financially, all under false pretences.

I do think it Is worth a 101 call, maybe a Claire's law request as he has not accepted it is over.

I really think he is a bad man that didn't wish you well.

JenniferBooth · 29/04/2026 18:33

Bombayss · 29/04/2026 17:33

He put a lot of thought in the plan to fleece you.
A spreadsheet!
He has publicly rebuked you on FB.
Now a revised spreadsheet.
Probably focusing still on your value as a carer for his parents!
He wanted you to move, screw you financially, all under false pretences.

I do think it Is worth a 101 call, maybe a Claire's law request as he has not accepted it is over.

I really think he is a bad man that didn't wish you well.

Yes He could well have pulled this shit before.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 29/04/2026 20:00

No reply is the right reply.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 01/05/2026 13:33

He is now firmly established in my mind's eye as "Spreadsheet Guy" and has evolved into the kind of character who'd ask you to "come back to mine and see my spreadsheets." as a chat up line.

Since's he's made such a splash on Facebook, its a pity you can't hire a Tik Tok rapper to tell the story of spreadsheet guy.. "Aint never gonna get between those spreadsheets" etc.

Levity aside, I maybe completely over thinking it, but perhaps he's produced the second spreadsheet so that he can use it to say.. "This is the generous offer she turned down." and keep the first one, which casts him in such a bad light, hidden.

Because its really bizarre to be so rude in person and on social media and block and then turn around and try to woo you with a different spreadsheet.. it doesn't add up.

Was he hoping you'd reply to the second spreadsheet with something rude.. on the 2nd spread sheet email... so he could send the ss with a rude reply on and "Just look at the response I got to my generous offer".. He couldn't do that with the first spreadsheet because of course, that wasn't generous at all. It was in fact a scam.

Perhaps he's doing a hasty reputational repair because he's thinking what he would do in your position - which is if he were you, he'd rush about showing RL friends and his Facebook group the spread sheet saying "Just look at the scam she was planning" So he's created a new one for that purpose, to paint himself in a better light, like any grifter would do.. "I'm just a hopeless romantic who's been dun wrong." Especially since he will probably be looking around for the next candidate for funding and he doesn't want any unfavourable reports to get out.

He hasn't understood the quality of your character OP. Because he hasn't got much quality in his own.

HolyCheeses · 02/05/2026 10:54

I am ignoring but have had ‘you can go on the mortgage’ ‘offer’ also.

There really is nothing left to see now there? 😊

im surprisingly ok. It had completely bypassed me how much I was taking care of him and his feelings. I feel so light- it’s hard to describe.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 02/05/2026 11:13

HolyCheeses · 02/05/2026 10:54

I am ignoring but have had ‘you can go on the mortgage’ ‘offer’ also.

There really is nothing left to see now there? 😊

im surprisingly ok. It had completely bypassed me how much I was taking care of him and his feelings. I feel so light- it’s hard to describe.

The issue for me, would have been the lack of transparency and communication. He made a lot of assumptions and expected you to slot in. But by allowing your children to dictate decor and you giving your opinion, as though you were planning on living there, didn't help. It's a shame, because planning together could have been exciting, or would have allowed you to pull out, a lot sooner. I'm nearly 60, we've downsized, I can see why you don't want what's on offer. I don't think he's been as bad as made out, there must have been a level of you knowing how he can get swept along. Although expecting the amount of financial contributions was cheeky fuckery. The suggestions of getting the Police etc was ridiculous. It happened on another thread, posters often want drama. He has responsibilities (his parents), wants a 'mansion', you just don't want what he needs and wants. It happens. If he can afford it, on his own, no harm done. He's far old for the FB posts, though.

Junippa · 02/05/2026 11:28

HolyCheeses · 02/05/2026 10:54

I am ignoring but have had ‘you can go on the mortgage’ ‘offer’ also.

There really is nothing left to see now there? 😊

im surprisingly ok. It had completely bypassed me how much I was taking care of him and his feelings. I feel so light- it’s hard to describe.

You can "go on the mortgage?"

But presumably without being registered (with the Land Registry) as being joint owner of the house?

So you would be liable for the debt, but not have any ownership? Because being on the mortgage does not give you ownership.

Well, I don't know how you're managing to turn down that golden offer, OP ...

Gonners · 02/05/2026 11:40

Yep, joint borrower/sole proprietor ... mainly used by parents effectively guaranteeing their children's mortgage. So they are liable for the payments if the child doesn't cough up, but aren't on the deeds. Such a generous offer from a grown man!

INeedAnotherName · 02/05/2026 11:45

HolyCheeses · 02/05/2026 10:54

I am ignoring but have had ‘you can go on the mortgage’ ‘offer’ also.

There really is nothing left to see now there? 😊

im surprisingly ok. It had completely bypassed me how much I was taking care of him and his feelings. I feel so light- it’s hard to describe.

Did the go on the mortgage also involve going on the deeds? Otherwise it still means you are paying for his house with zero rights. Just another con from the con artist who really thinks you are dumb. Isn't he a delight?

So please to hear you feel relieved that the relationship is over. Onwards and upwards!

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 02/05/2026 11:47

I think he has out-arseholed himself !

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 02/05/2026 12:56

There’s a woman on FB who describes ’over functioning’. She lists the ways we manage a partner’s emotions, and their annoyance when we stop doing it. Basically when a man like yours expects everything arranged around his needs and preferences- including you. Over functioning women carry the emotional needs of the household, regulating the man. Jane Kuria.

He hasn’t considered your well being at all. Now you’ve pointed out how unfair it was, he’s rejigging the spreadsheet but still isn’t paying attention to your feelings about what happened.

I’d have expected a heartfelt, ‘God, I’m so sorry! You must have been really hurt! I didn’t mean to do that, how can I put it right?’.

ThisJadeBear · 02/05/2026 13:20

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 02/05/2026 11:47

I think he has out-arseholed himself !

Can we all use that phrase or are you trade marking it?!
Honestly, these men….
they are so selfish!

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