Well am I? My ex is an absolute arse.

[Mostlywilliow]

My ex is still outraged that I divorced him and then later met someone else AND kept the house AND am much happier. He is a study of coercive control and finally left when the police removed him.
The kids are 17, 16, 15 and he refuses to communicate with me at all about when he is seeing them. Doesn’t attend anything school or education related ever ever and pays just under the bare minimum CSA amount despite being on £150k conservatively. You get the picture. He’s moved an hour away by car.

I booked a holiday well over a year ago, before the term dates came out and got an amazing price because of the Early Bird element and a clause that said absolutely no changes, refunds, postponements, nothing.

Turns out the kids are in school that week so rather than lose the fortune it cost to book this for me and my partner, I have booked a DBS nanny/babysitter who has minded them before, to move in for the week.

This is apparently disgusting, awful, I’m a terrible selfish parent, etc all relaid via DC3 direct from his dad. He’s also started making what I consider to be vexatious complaints to social care, about whether I’m feeding them junk or home cooked food, why they get the bus to school (2 miles) instead of me driving them, why I redecorated one of the kids’ rooms as a surprise (which to be fair he hated), and now this. Apparently the kids are too young to be left with a “stranger” and are very upset and I should cancel. He won’t EVER tell me when he’s having the kids so I can’t plan things usually. I know he’s being utterly unreasonable by interfering in this way but he’s managed to upset the kids who are now complaining non stop about how they don’t want to be looked after by anyone. And yet if I left them home alone, which I wouldn’t do, that would be wrong too. Fed up.

THE KIDS WERE NEVER GOING!!

OP has said this many many times! They would have been at their dads that week.

Why?! She booked a holiday for herself and her partner during a school holiday they normally spend with their dad. What the hell is wrong with that?! Ok so she got the dates wrong, but fuck me we all makes mistakes!

ETA and even if she was going away without them and leaving them at home, so the hell what?! The OP has said that they wouldnt have gone anyway as its the sort of thing they hate, so she should sacrifice everything on the altar of Motherhood until ... when?

She is going for a week and an appropriate adult will be keeping an eye out for them. I really fail to see the issue!

OP has clarified about 100 times now that the kids were never going on this holiday and that they wouldn't want to go on this holiday as they are not remotely interested in Mediterranean archeology. She booked school holiday dates because that's usually one of the only times that they actually stay with their father.

He sounds awful but I wouldn’t go on holiday and leave three children with what is a stranger. It’s so cold. You made the mistake so just write it off and have a staycation or something.

You’re now lying.

I said I booked it before the term dates were available. It wasn’t that I didn’t “bother” and you’re making yourself look desperate now.

And you’ve said yourself you’d be worried about parties - and so I’ve insured against that with the sitter! - so what’s the solution? We all go together or we don’t go at all? Or are you just annoyed that a divorced woman is going on holiday with her partner? Because I’m struggling to see your point!

You cannot seriously be suggesting 15-17 yos are "children" in the sense they need their Mummy? I started Uni a few weeks after my 17th birthday and moved out! The babysitter is known to the children and is only there to stop them blowing the house up.

<and repeat>

She isn’t a stranger. They’ve met her, they are quite self sufficient, but to appease my nerves and see off Good Ideas, I’ve booked hired DBS help for three teens, all big strapping things, not little teenies.

Of course it's not. Teenagers don't always want to do every Holiday their parents want to do. It's totally fine for them to choose to stay home & entirely responsible to make sure there's an adult in the house!

OMG some of these responses are hilarious.

I would be asking the DC “is that what you think or Dad has ranted about?”. You could go stay with Dad for the week, surely he can take you to school/pay for taxis for week if having X here to cook meals and stop you blowing the house up is so awful for you?

Guess what teens are selfish and often sulk unreasonable about all sorts of stuff. I bet they would happy to be treated as older teens when it comes to having access to money, partners, sex etc etc.

She's not a stranger

theyre teenagers not tinies

staycation 🤣 they're going with around the archeological sites of the Eastern Mediterranean, be serious.

OMG... leaving three older teenagers home with someone they know who is DBS checked so you can go on a holiday they were never going on... how AWFUL of you!

For those of you who have invented a bunch of dramatic bullshit, can I ask why you do this? What do you get out of it?

For christs sake-give the woman a break!-its for ONE whole week not the whole term! Just go OP and have a great time. I'm so angry on your behalf. Your ex sounds like a that of the highest order. Still trying to maintain control. Not many years now till the dcs are all adults....

OP should let them know that next year, they're all going to Butlins and she's reserved spots for them at the Kids Club and the Children's Disco. Better get them practising their moves for the Chichiwa! 😂

@Mostlywilliow

probably best for your sanity to abandon the thread, have a glass of wine & think about your holiday.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you're doing. The teenagers can duck up having an adult in the house (to make sure it's still standing when you get back) & just ignore the fuckwit ex. Not long until they're all 18 !!

have a fabulous trip, it's not my thing, but I'm not going ❤️🤣

They are teenagers!! Old enough to be left with no adult supervision at all!

Of course it is . Leaving out the youngsters is not a good look

💯 tell them this 😆
my diagnosis:
XH hates OP having a life so has wound up the teenagers in order to get at OP.
They will be fine OP, your arrangements are perfectly ok. Tell the kids that when they are paying for the holidays they can decide where to go and who goes.
Have a great time on your trip, it sounds right up my street. If I could afford a full time babysitter for a week that’s what I would do too!

I don't understand how people are so upset about older teend spending a week with a stranger. They could go on a PGL holiday, French exchange or sports camp where they didn't know anyone. This way they're at home with their siblings, and you say they've met the sitter before.

Dragging them kicking and screaming round places with no WiFi would be the 9th circle of hell for all concerned. Don’t you get that?

I bet social services are sick of him as well. Those ‘complaints’ wouldn’t even warrant being written down!

Mother feeds children
Mother sends children to school
Mother decorates child’s bedroom

All non-issues and definitely vexatious. He will get a warning from social services if he doesn’t stop and they will ignore him.

Also, your children probably don’t even need a nanny at their ages! Just someone to pop in for a bit and make sure they are all alive and eating something semi nutritious for an hour each day.

Ignore him.

Because of ingrained societal misogyny?

It's a fucking week!!!

The pile on on the OP is ridiculous. Please read her updates about never planning to take the kids and thinking they'd be with their dad that week. And them being nearly adults! Have a good holiday OP.

Nonsense

Just seems a shame to not spend time together, but each to their own