To want SD’s room to be multifunctional?

[SamphireSupper]

DP and I have decided to downsize as unfortunately he has medical issues which mean he can’t work full-time anymore. We have DS4 together, and SD13 who visits, at most, every other weekend. I work from home and am the breadwinner (relevant) and I currently work from the dining room.

The new house we have found is much smaller, still has three bedrooms, but no dining room. DS would have the box room. I’ve said I will need to have my desk in SD’s room. DP and SD don’t want this. AIBU?

I’ve read all of your posts and honestly I think you are right to put your foot down on this. She gets the nice big room, you are only there when she is not. Everyone is making sacrifices here, it is what it is.

Sounds like you're all having a really tough time of it, and like you're shouldering a lot OP.

Yanbu. I don't know the right way forward but YANBU.

Perhaps suggest to your partner he returns to his Ex., would be great for his daughter.
Let them work it out.

I think they have a complete fool made out of you.
Carrying it all with YOUR job, and he thinks his daughters large bedroom should be kept empty while you work in the kitchen.

I'd be seriously rethinking the relationship faced with such selfishness.

OP has addressed all these points. And why are you dismissing OP as the breadwinner when she is picking up £600 of her DP’s CMS payments that he can no longer afford, and that she is not legally obliged to cover, so DSD doesn’t have reduced circumstances at home ? OP works from home, she’s said multiple times we’re talking about a laptop at a desk. DSD is there four days a month and to have the room standing empty in her absence the rest of the time is utterly ridiculous.

How about the two of them respecting OP’s feelings and allowing her a proper workspace given that she’s supporting the equivalent of two families here ? The urge to give step children everything they ask for out of some sort of misplaced guilt is batshit - she’s thirteen, she can’t dictate what happens to ‘her’ room when she’s not there when space is at a premium and life circumstances have changed.

I agree with this. Get rid OP, make your life easier

OP didn’t post for advice on leaving her DP. He has a cancer diagnosis and may not be thinking straight. If a man posted suggesting he leave his sick wife because she was being a bit selfish he’d be torn to shreds. This isn’t stuff to end your relationship over. It’s sit down and discuss it. The alternative is that OP and her DP stay where they are and OP stops paying CMS to his ex to facilitate that. They can’t have it both ways, and it’s my bet that if DSD’s mum was aware that this was the considered alternative, she’d be telling DSD to suck it up.

No he wouldn't be in these circumstances.

He'd be told that he has every right to work in a bit of peace when he is carrying everything, including his wife's Ex.

In OP's case....
His daughter is NOT more important than OP's mental health when she is carrying everything including his ex, to the tune of £700 a month.

She's a goddamn saint.
Cancer or no cancer, she has to work, and is entitled to some peace doing so.

MN is batshit at times.

If she loses her drop through stress.....there won't be any bedroom to keep as an empty shrine to his daughter.

Apologies if someone has already suggested this @SamphireSupper but could you consider something like this as your desk and leave the storage elements empty? At weekends you could then just take the chair and laptop out and the room looks exactly like SD’s single use space. She can use the storage to leave her own things behind if she wants to?

www.daals.co.uk/products/yukon-high-gloss-white-2-in-1-desk-or-sideboard-with-extendable-top?variant=32160251740211&country=GB&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=17058647490&utm_content=&utm_device=m&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=17063444530&gbraid=0AAAAAC5PeAw1oP_ih_YuNT2FcvYptnYfx&gclid=CjwKCAjwhqfPBhBWEiwAZo196jnBNQi26jnuapMooo5wx1biKaI9LtI-iZ3PmreZqulB_CerGrE8khoCBRcQAvD_BwE

Ds gets bigger room as living there more often. He will grow and want more space as he gets older so this makes practical sense.

Dsd takes the box room, converts to a single bed and your desk goes in there. Make the room lovely and cool, maybe a bunk bed with chill under area. The positive to this is as she gets older and is doing exams etc she will then have a proper desk to work at. Make it very clear that this is only for when she's not there and you'll work elsewhere on days she is if that happens.

I would keep the desk as neutral and clear as possible so it feels like 'hers' when it's her room.