AIBU to avoid a playdate because of the parent’s social media ?

[Jesstica]

not a political debate do you decide which kids hang out with yours based on their parents (if they are of a parents coming along age?)

Hey. I'm from a 2 mum family and debating if I should still go on a play date thing. Long story short a local political group (naming no names!) has recently posted some dodgy stuff about same sex parents, box ticking and that they shouldn't be allowed to adopt which has meant that people in the comments are chipping in some bold stuff. One of the people liking/adding some posts, is someone who we are due to meet up with next week whos kid goes to nursery with ours. We dont know her well, I'd presume she knows our family set up but I don't know because this is the first non nursery meet up.

DW wants to be mysteriously busy, because she doesnt want any awkwardness if she hasn't realised, or for those views to get through to our kid if it becomes a longer friendship. Our kids can hang out at nursery etc, just not on parent play dates outside of it until perhaps when they are old enough that hanging out with the kid doesn't mean also hanging out with the parents.

I dont want to interfere with the friendship but am not thrilled at awkward parent chat while they play. None of this is either of our kids fault so I'm tempted to go along but then don't know what I'd do if she wants to schedule more

I think this is the right decision.

If your DC was older and forming independent friendships it would be harder to swerve but as a 3 year old nursery child just be busy and move on.

I would hope this family don't choose the same primary school in the future.

I never used the term hateful (I don't think!)

That's also not what the posts I'm talking about said anyway

People have posted that they don't agree with same sex parents on this thread and I've not responded anything like that. I can see that you called it abusive to place children with gay parents on the other thread. I'm not arguing or name calling, or up for debating it or trying to shut it down. I'm not trying to censorship people or something

I'm asking about this specific situation of meeting up with someone in a play cafe,
not some wide debate about ethics.

I think that’s the right decision. It can be really difficult when you are part of a specific group that invites a lot of opinions. It makes you feel like you have to be “on” all the time and it can be exhausting. It’s okay to simply be a person - you don’t have to be a representative, and it’s not your responsibility to educate or inform anybody. People who don’t have to live under that sort of scrutiny will never understand it, to them it’s just a talking point or an interesting debate. They can spout away and not have to consider the consequences.

"People who don’t have to live under that sort of scrutiny will never understand it, to them it’s just a talking point or an interesting debate. They can spout away and not have to consider the consequences."

This is so true. My son is in Reception, and I can't begin to tell you the dread I feel when we attend things with other parents, and may end up talking about family dynamics. Or if my wife and I attend something together I waste far too much headspace on worrying about what others will think when they realise our son has two Mams. I absolutely HATE that my brain behaves in that way, but comments on this thread just confirm my worries. It's tiring.

Completely agree. Sometimes I have more head space for it but it's running low

I'm making an active attempt to try and hide stuff on my algorithm currently, because it's really pushing some big right wing takes on it.

I suspect it will be something that haunts same sex adopters for a while.

Sometimes you feel like a normal family, but then something happens and you realise how many people around you would vote against your families right to exist. Things just feel very superficial at the moment and like somehow just existing makes you open for debate and that we've become a political statement rather than a regular old family

No one owes you to engage with you or educate you. You are not a child in school or university student; as grown ass person you should pursue your education with your own energy and resources. No one is obligated to use their life to educate you or change your mind UNLESS they want to.

@Jesstica I'm so sorry you are having do deal with this situation. 2 mums, 2 dads, 1 mum, 1 dad, 1 mum and 1 dad, grandparents, aunts or uncles. Kids get brought up in all sorts of family set ups and dynamics. It is most important that those in a caregiving role to them are loving and nurturing. Whatever gender, relationship or relation they are biologically or by choice. I hope that the bigotry and discrimination stops soon and you can relax around concentrating on parenting, not watching your back. Adoption is not easy, you are amazing for taking on a child and raising them in a loving family.

Absolutely understand the point about sometimes not having enough headspace for it all!
Unless they're living it, people who aren't part of the LGBTQ+ community will never understand. I find that even during something so normal as a day out, I can be on edge, clocking people's "dirty looks". I'm working on not giving a shit about any of that, but it's much easier said than done!

One thing to note is that the overwhelming majority of posters here find the homophobes abhorrent. There are many more allies than there are hateful bigots. :)

Thank you, that's helpful

I'm also fairly new at this. Shes not been with us for too long and suddenly I'm thrown into a world of playground politics etc that frankly I feel should have been a training session 😀

My advice OP, would be to find your local Rainbow Family group for general
support, because there’s nothing like talking to people who will be experiencing or have experience something you have to help you keep in an even keel.

I would go and be completely honest about your life
it’s then on her to curtail the friendship on those grounds, which means she is taking a happy relationship from her own child
i had similar when I left my husband due to horrific abuse, and my son self harming snfx suffering awful damage my we no longer fitted the nice, perfect middle class world.
fuck them, we are happier than ever, and you will be too

Oh no - there's nothing like being chucked in at the deep end, is there?!! 😂 Going from a couple, two parents of a walking, talking 18 month old overnight is an... interesting... experience!

I'm sure that, compounded with your original post, you still have that massive neon sign above your head flashing and screaming, "I HAVE ONLY BEEN A PARENT FOR X AMOUNT OF WEEKS SO NO, I DON'T YET KNOW HOW TO MANAGE MY CHILD'S BEHAVIOUR." 😂

If that is the case, I promise that does get much easier!!

Nice people do not get swept up and start liking posts calling all gay people pedophiles!