Sibling buying beside us

[apriljuneandnovember]

How you would feel if you found out that a sibling had purchased a house in your estate?

And that they no intentions of telling you until after contracts were signed. Purposely told other family members to keep it a secret.

We find it bizarre.

But apparently we have no right to complain as we cannot dictate where anyone chooses to buy.

AIBU to think they should have given us a heads up?

FWIW I don’t think it’s healthy. I feel we spent enough time living in close proximity during our childhood. I value my space and privacy. I feel I am going to lose that.

Also said sibling isn’t the easiest to get along with

I would be thrilled. I don't want to share a house with my sister, but close by would be bliss. She has spent most of our adult lives thousands of miles distant.

It doesn't sound like discussing boundaries is the way to go. If they ask or turn up on your doorstop just say 'Sorry I can't'. 'Sorry I don't have capacity' and repeat it over and over.

If I had a sibling so difficult I didn't even want to tell her I'm moving house. And blocked her when she found out ( WTF is that about!)

And there were three houses on the market I could afford and fit the bill.

I wouldn't be buying the house that put me in most prospect of daily contact with my difficult sibling.

The OP here isn't the weird one.

Read the room. This isn't about you and your lovely sister.

I would love it.
If it waa a secret then it would be because of a nice amazing surprise then we would all jump about at the big reveal.
However, it sounds like this is not the case for you.
I think I would ask them.. in a nice way.. a little bird told me that you might be comikg to live near us.. unless you dont even talk. In that case the whole thing is quite weird. Perhaps they just loved the house?

@apriljuneandnovember if they’ve blocked you surely that means you won’t be asked to do childcare etc.

I am normally on the side of NOT blocking people - but in this case, if they unblock you because now they want childcare or something, you can just block them yourself - cheeky lot.

Also, if you decide to move (I know you said it will take a while, assuming sibling purchase goes through), don’t tell anyone until you absolutely have to.

OP They blocked you so you have no reason to respond if they decide to open up contact again. You respond following their lead (if it happens) and block them in response and just ignore them if they comment in anyway just grey rock them.
FWIW I understand how you feel - DH's ex - wants to move back in the area but can't afford it having messed up financially even though she had payout from DH buying her out. Trouble is DSD is making noises about buying a property to rent to her DM - I just hope it doesnt happen. Plenty of people want space from family and other weirdos whatever their reasons - I hope can find a way to continue to enjoy your home and not be forced to move to preserve your sanity from odd siblings and refuse to be fall back for childcare.

I get where you’re coming from. With most of my family members this wouldn’t rattle me, but one family member has a history of invading our boundaries and making life extremely difficult for us, and I’d be beside myself if it was her. I think those who don’t understand must have never experienced how overwhelming and exhausting those situations are.

Also some people have a greater need for privacy & space from people. It’s just different personality types. I’m one of them. But as you know, sadly your haven ends at your property boundary and she has every right to buy the house. You’ll also know that buying a home is a big decision, and having other homes in budget in the area doesn’t mean that those will have been ‘the one’. I expect that she’s kept it secret because she knew you wouldn’t be happy - though I agree it is odd behaviour.

I'd be miserable, and I'm really sorry for you. I'd move as soon as I could.

Well, I like my sisters and I'd love the cousins to be able to just pop in each other's houses fairly easily, but would find the surprise element weird. You clearly don't like them that much tho

I'd love it, but I love my siblings.

We tried to speak with sibling but they got defensive and then blocked us. DH has been trying to get in contact but they refuse to engage. This has been going on for almost 3 months now.

So they've blocked you and haven't spoken to you for 3 months? Is this your husband's sibling?

Either way, it doesn't sound like you're going to have any immediate issues you need to set boundaries over. They don't want to talk to you.

If I were the difficult one then why would she want to move close to me? Wouldn’t that be worse for the wider family? If I’m inclined to be difficult you would imagine they would want to avoid annoying me? I have never had any form of issue with anyone in the family before.
We think the blocking was done so as she can avoid having to take any responsibility. She knows she has upset us but I think she’s opting to put her head in the sand and let some time pass in the hopes that it will blow over.

If you are not close to your sibling which by thr sound of it it doesnt seem you are, then no i wouldnt expect a heads up.

i would however expect my parents to tell me as they would be neutral and not taking any sides.

in your case it s your parents i d be mad at. Your sibling did nothing wrong and is not close to you.

now you have to practice the live and let live, the moral high ground. Carry on living your life as if they were any other people moving into thr estate

If they try and take advantage with stuff like childcare, you just refuse to do it. It would be very hypocritical of them to block you and then expect you to help them with childcare.

As they have gone to such extreme lengths to keep you in the dark about them buying the house on your estate, you are perfectly entitled to carry on with your lives as though a family of complete strangers have moved in near you.

The sibling is the one that swore everyone to secrecy - the parents probably felt caught in the middle

Well probably for the same reason you choose it.

They clearly kept it secret as they knew you'd object which you have.

Get a ring doorbell so you can see if its them and don't answer if you don't want to. Also put a chain on the door and use it so that if a child opens the door they can't barge in and put it up high so kids can't remove it.

If you can leave 5 mins earlier for school run to miss them. If they catch on keep changing what time you leave.

If they ask you to babysit say no but can you have my child on Saturday. Do that everything and they'll stop asking.

Exactly. All these people are trying to (rather sneeringly) suggest that the OP is the problem and her sibling is keeping it a secret to avoid her “kicking off” or acting like a drama queen. But wouldn’t if that was true, surely OP’s reaction would likely be much more extreme if her sibling just turned up in the house across the road one day?

If OP is really a drama queen and they’re trying to hold her off, did they really think she’d just shrug and say “Oh well, they’ve bought the place now; it is what it is”? That doesn’t add up. Plus, if you thought your sister was a nightmare who’d kick off if she knew you were moving in across the road, wouldn’t you just… not move in across the road? The house can’t be that great!

It just doesn’t add up. No one keeps something like this a secret - deliberately insisting other family members do the same - for a good reason. That’s why I’m more than a little sceptical about the “If my sibling did this, it would be such a lovely surprise!” crowd. If you’re close enough to your sibling for it to be great news that they’re moving in nearby, they’re close enough to tell you about it.

You need to move house. Seriously. She sounds kind of mental, her behaviour is downright weird, moving right beside you then blocking you on social media, swearing everyone to silence - she's definitely going to cause you drama. I know it's a hassle, but move anyway.

We can’t move at the moment. Can’t afford it. Plus the kids are so happy here with all their friends. Our DS struggled to make friends in school but has a lovely gang of friends here on the estate (they attend a different school in the area) so for his sake we will put up and shut up for now.
She blocked us on WhatsApp and on her phone. not social media. She briefly unblocked DH to get a point across then re blocked him shortly after so as he couldn’t reply. All quite cruel really!

Wait - so if they blocked you, then i presume they want nothing to do with you - so why the angst? What's cruel? Blocking? You dont seem to like them much so why is it cruel? hopefully they leave you alone and if they DARE ask for childcare, you know what to tell them seeing as they blocked you and want nothing to do with you....i dont know why i would feel lousy for you and your dh - they can live where they want. If my siblings lived near me i would be quite happy but i get on well with them so.... different situation. Just live and let live OP - hopefully it turns out ok.

Thank you both! And no, the house isn’t that great. Massively overpriced and not as nice as one of the other properties she could have purchased.
We suspect there is some sort of underlying issue with us. DH sent a message via a family member pleading with her to meet us and discuss but she is refusing
Glad I am not alone in thinking her behaviour is bloody weird!

She will.unblock you when she needs something I bet.

So the drama has started, and she hasn't even moved in yet.

It sounds like she's your DH's sister. He needs to stop "pleading", and to stop caring what she does.

Be prepared for the nice gang of kids to get infiltrated and turned against you.

What age are you? Do you honestly think their behaviour is acceptable? That it’s acceptable to insist the family keep a secret from one sibling and when confronted about it simply block the person (and their spouse)
They then unblock them briefly when they want to get a point across, then immediately reblock so as the person doesn’t get a chance to reply? That behaviour is absolutely pathetic. Is this really how families operate?? I’m not arguing with you ✌️ this is an honest question - do people really consider this an acceptable way to behave??
The reason for the ‘angst’ is clear - for whatever reason they wanted us to be kept in the dark about them planning on buying a house close to us. Family agreed to keep their secret and then they refuse to have a conversation with us about it - lousy behaviour if you ask me!

But yes, we will live and let live! We’ve got no other choice