Sibling buying beside us

[apriljuneandnovember]

How you would feel if you found out that a sibling had purchased a house in your estate?

And that they no intentions of telling you until after contracts were signed. Purposely told other family members to keep it a secret.

We find it bizarre.

But apparently we have no right to complain as we cannot dictate where anyone chooses to buy.

AIBU to think they should have given us a heads up?

FWIW I don’t think it’s healthy. I feel we spent enough time living in close proximity during our childhood. I value my space and privacy. I feel I am going to lose that.

Also said sibling isn’t the easiest to get along with

Absent relevant details, I'd think the reason she went ahead without telling me first is because they're buying this house despite your proximity, not because of it. So I would respond accordingly: just treat her like a stranger.

But I don't get how she has privacy but you don't, if she has to walk past you to get out of the estate: you can come and go without her knowing, you would see her every arrival and departure, no?

Anyway, this sort of behaviour would end any closeness in my relationship with a sibling. It would be the sort of situation where my mum would exclaim "how come you haven't seen her in months? don't you live on the same street?", to which I would answer "ask her, apparently I'm not worth enough for her to even notify she's moving next door to me".

My sister lives in my street, I love it

she didn’t keep it a secret tho. Infact we knew the house was going up for sale and she had me on the lookout for the estate agents being there so she could go and speak to them before it went on the market

Or maybe it's OP that is the difficult one, which is why the family were all in on the secret? Also, why OP has been blocked, despite protesting that there has been no drama?

I don't know at all, just considering an alternative view.

Yes it’s weird. Sounds like a good idea to keep the ‘block’ in place for as long as possible. She implemented it anyway so you’re just complying with her wishes

Op just hope she keeps you blocked then. If they do have the cheek to contact you just make it clear to them you have boundaries and they are not welcome to just invite themselves over or leave kids with you. They didn’t respect you before buying so don’t offer them any respect. It is really odd as most people would want to know what the estate is like are neighbours ok. The fact they got defensive is also an issue grown ups usually talk not block. Childish behaviour.

Id be thrilled. I love my sister and we almost never get to be together.

But if you arent close then obviously you may feel differently.

Even if she lives nearby, you dont have to agree to childcare. Make it clear now it won't be happening.

But then why buy on her sisters estate? Who buys in the same community as a tricky family member that everyone has to
keep stuff from. And then block them .

Buying a house on the same estate as your sibling and not mentioning it to them... weird. Telling others but instructing them not to tell sibling... double weird. YANBU.

She’s blocked you now so all good. You can go about your daily life and ignore her.

and yes keeping it secret does sound strange but families are weird. How close to you does she live now? My family are hundreds of miles away we are alone always, so i can’t imagine it.

The estate agent cannot be trusted with confidentiality. This is why there should be licensing and a process for such a breach to lead to the loss of licence.

No good reason for sibling being secretive, unless fleeing domestic abuse/violence.

Because it is the best home for them and their family? It's not next-door, despite the title, so no need for frequent contact unless wanted.

If it's a huge a city with hundreds of options, it is certainly more strange.

But as OP has stated there are only 2 other similar options available, it is feasible that this is better than the other 2 despite the sibling living on the same estate.

Schooling, garden orientation, parking, utilities, overlooked garden, room sizes, etc are some of many possible considerations that could render this property superior despite a potentially tricky sibling who is easily avoided.

How much contact does everyone else have with their wider neighbours? We have very little unintentional contact other than nodding or passing the time of day while walking the dogs. We don't live in each other's pockets, especially with tricky people that have blocked us.

(ETA. I've never blocked nor been blocked, so there aren't many "blockees" that I might move near to, therefore hope I never risk offending them.)

Until it is. And that's what I'd be worried about, if I were the OP.

OP, them blocking you is a gift.
Just start as you mean to go and don't get involved.

I actually moved 30 mins away from where I grew up back in 2019 right before covid (5 of us 3 step for 20+ years and 2 of us full siblings) and my full sibling and her partner 3 years younger than me moved directly opposite in a new build estate to us a few months later a week after lockdown and I was so annoyed they didn’t tell us but they thought we would love it and we actually did. We rarely saw each other unless we were popping to the shop or getting in the car the odd morning for work etc. we had boundaries and would always message to ask if we could pop over or drop something off so it wasn’t too much which came naturally. My kids who are now 7&4 loved having their auntie over the road. We recently moved down the road (literally 5 min walk) and I’m honestly so sad about it considering how angry I was at them in the first place. Although I never vented my frustration to them I’m so glad they moved and we are so much closer now then we would have been relationship wise and I really do miss our old street and having them so close!

You’ve not really answered, why do you “deserve” a heads up? Would your opinion change their purchase? Also, you have a history of allowing yourselves to be walked over, you need to deal with that.

Yes, it is odd that they didn't mention it.
Obviously nothing you can do about it but it is odd that there has not been a casual mention. However, you can keep your boundaries even if they live close by.

When I was looking for rental, I did let my brother know I was looking at the flat in the next building. I wasn't really asking for permission but letting him know and to see if he was cool with it. He did move 6months later allegedly unrelated. Jokes on him, I got a place close to him anyway :D

I’m intrigued. Has she blocked you on text? What next? What is your parents view on this?
Was there a slim hope they’d think you’d be pleased and it was to be a surprise initially??

What happens at xmas.. do your paths cross!!

I bought a house behind my sis in laws family home (her parents) Her brother next month bought a house 4 down from me. My sil and brothers lives across the main road within walking. Everyone thought it excellent until I decided to move to the next town and were annoyed at that lol

I’ll admit if a sibling moved into my estate into a larger home than mine, well I’d be jealous and hence annoyed but that’s just me being ridiculous and I’d get over it.

it’s the secrecy here that is very peculiar

There would be a for sale sign up in my garden the very same day 🤣.

If my sibling decided to move next to me and swore our other family members to secrecy... I would want a heads up! The swearing to secrecy is clearly the signal of something that is not straightforward.

My relative moved really close to me and I knew it would cause problems but was called a bitch for raising the issue. We've now fallen out after she was constantly asking me for money and not paying me back. I think we just got too close to where she felt able to treat me like that

@apriljuneandnovember I think yanbu and I totally get why this is a concern for you. I would go quiet in the issue. See how it plays out……and secretively start thinking about moving if you think the situation warrants that.
I suspect that anyone commenting here who doesn’t understand has probably got lovely siblings, parents all hunkydory (or…. They think it’s all fine but actually they have siblings who feel a bit like you do lol). Hopefully your concerns are misplaced and everything will be fine. xx

Do cousins get on @apriljuneandnovember

From the confident way you post, I can’t believe you have problems with setting boundaries. Anyway what would a heads up have helped with?
If I had small children I wouldn’t want to buy a cheaper house that needs work.
I never see my neighbours so someone living a couple of streets away, I would never see!

As ever, some utterly bizarre posts on here. I don’t blame you at all for being uncomfortable with this. From what you’ve said, their kids will end up on your doorstep for school run before you know it. You’ll never shake them off. It’s odd and unnecessary.

If they've blocked you, why not leave it that way? Then you won't have to have any interaction with them.