Sibling buying beside us

[apriljuneandnovember]

How you would feel if you found out that a sibling had purchased a house in your estate?

And that they no intentions of telling you until after contracts were signed. Purposely told other family members to keep it a secret.

We find it bizarre.

But apparently we have no right to complain as we cannot dictate where anyone chooses to buy.

AIBU to think they should have given us a heads up?

FWIW I don’t think it’s healthy. I feel we spent enough time living in close proximity during our childhood. I value my space and privacy. I feel I am going to lose that.

Also said sibling isn’t the easiest to get along with

So if moving house isn't trivial do you think it's likely that OPs sibling has put a lot a thought into where they want to move, and OPs opinion therefore doesnt factor into it? Because I do.

Something impacting you doesn't mean it's your business. OP has also been blocked for months so it doesn't strike me as she'll have to do much to avoid them, they clearly aren't interested in a relationship. Perhaps because of the dramatics.

How you would feel if you found out that a sibling had purchased a house in your estate?
Personally, I'd be horrified! My brother and I can just about manage a polite, civilised conversation like you have with a stranger. Also, I'd be questioning whether or not my brother had lost the plot (apparently, I live in the "a* end of nowhere", while he lives in a big town, so we'd both hate living where the other one does!). I am, therefore, fortunate that we are at no risk of living anywhere near each other, and I'm perfectly fine with the 100-mile distance between us. I mean, I grew up in a village where you couldn't go out without running into a relative, so living on the same road would be awful! Since moving away, I've loved the non-stop novelty of privacy and independence.

Really??? I’m so surprised by these types of replies.
I haven’t made a massive fuss. And I was blocked before I even had a chance to have a say. So chill out 🤣

No history of abuse…they take advantage and are entitled when it comes to things like childcare.
Are you really saying that you wouldn’t find any of this a bit strange and a bit lousy on my DH and I?

Of course it's odd they didn't tell you and ask how you'd feel about it.

And if you were the difficult family member (as some here seem to be suggesting) well they wouldn't want to live near you would they! Yanbu.

I understand that you don't like it. It's awkward to be randomly meeting family when the relationship doesn't work that well, it constantly reminds you of the issues.

My sibling is moving close, but we have a good relationship and they are generally very unobtrusive. So I'm fine with that and we enjoye the practicalities.

They clearly kept it a secret thinking you'd be a dick about it. They can live where they want. I dont understand why you'd need to discuss boundaries. Get on with your life and leave them to theirs.

It’s very weird they didn’t say anything and kept it secret. You will need to make sure kids aren’t dropped at yours whenever it suits. I would be very unhappy.

@apriljuneandnovember - I get on brilliantly with my sisters who both moved locally (within 5 minutes ) to help me with childcare but when my sister was looking at a house in the next street which is on higher ground and had a direct view from one bedroom into my living room, home office and garden I told her I would not feel comfortable that she could sit at her desk and see what I was up to and she respected that and didn’t bid on that house. It’s not unreasonable to want a bit of privacy and distance - otherwise why not live as a joint family and split costs (I would not want this !)

I get a lot of people don't like being near their siblings, and aren't close. Fair enough, but for most it wouldn't stop them buying a house, if it was the only one that ticked all their boxes. It's the keeping it hidden that is weird.
All I can think is that they don't really want to see you and aren't mentioning it so you don't ask them to come round?

The dramatics 🤣
I am asking if others think this is odd or not. There has been no drama. I was blocked before any form of drama could take place fgs.
And as it goes - sibling has not put a lot of thought into this. The sale moved very quickly and aggressively. There were 2 other options on the table but she didn’t explore them enough to realize that one of the other houses needs a lot less work, smaller estate, she would be borrowing less, less traffic and closer to school.
This will be their 4th property in approx 10 years. They have made rash choices and sold in negative equity in the past - not the wise saint you seem to think she is!

I would feel that they were behaving extremely strangely (I have 4 siblings) and I would be slightly concerned for their mental health. But that's my siblings, I don't know yours and what they are like as a person.

I wouldn't do it and I wouldn't like it either tbh.

I value my privacy too much.

I imagine its down to affordabiity though?

Any chance you can move?

Oh I’m completely chilled.

Yes, I do find the following comments from you quite unhinged:

But apparently we have no right to complain as we cannot dictate where anyone chooses to buy.

I don’t think it’s healthy.

They will have to walk/drive by our house every time they want to leave the estate

I find the idea of them moving here quite suffocating

I live on the same street as 3 of my family members. They will all have to pass by my house every time they want to leave the street. I don’t bat an eyelid. I never see them on the street or in the car.

A family member living on the same housing estate as you is a non-event. From your posts it came across as there was a huge backstory and your sibling was abusive.

Are you really saying that you wouldn’t find any of this a bit strange and a bit lousy on my DH and I?

No. Not strange at all. Your remarks make me feel a bit sorry for your sibling and I’m not suprised they didn’t want you to know. I’m also not surprised they had their hood up and sunglasses on whilst doing a viewing. I’d be very wary of you and your husband and your OTT obsessive reactions.

By the way, you don’t have to provide any childcare for them.

For someone who's been blocked you seem to think you know an awful lot about the sale and what is or isn't in their best interest. You were even going to report the EA in the hopes your sibling cancelled the sale. The fact you don't see this all as drama is very telling, but ok!

@apriljuneandnovember luckily for you they've blocked you and fallen out. So keep it that way.

I wouldn't like the secrecy of it either. But now that she's blocked you it's easier to turn down her childcare requests. I'd just tell her not to bother speaking to me if she only wants something.
If siblings get along you'd tell each other up your plans especially moving.

I think it's a bit odd they'd do that and not only not ask how you feel about it but deliberately keep it secret. Is this sibling jealous of you? It seems odd they want to move near to you but the fact they don't want to tell you makes me think they know you wouldn't like it.

How far are they moving? Do you guys currently live in the same village/town/city? Do all of your children attend the same school already or will theirs be moving schools?

You mentioned the fact the don’t respect boundaries and expect childcare. I really think you need to address this early one.

When they move in, keep your privacy. Even if they ask you to babysit and can see you’re home. A simple, “no, I can’t do that.” will get the message across - but only if you consistently stick to your guns.

No other advice. Clearly you don’t want them in your life much and I assume the feeling is mutual, so just keep them at arms length.

If a heads-up wouldn't make a difference then why is the whole family keeping it a secret?

The family dynamics here is very very weird. Yes she can live wherever she wants but the fact she is being so secretive and OP saying she's not the easiest to get along with says a lot.

By blocking you she may have solved your problem, keep her blocked and treat her like a stranger. What a weirdo, glasses and hoodie to go view the property like childish idiots.

Are your family members scared of her? Why would they all go along with her ridiculous request and not say anything or ask her to tell you.

Well it all depends on your relationship with them and by the sounds of it, it's a difficult one anyway so understand how this is jarring for you. I mean if they've blocked you then just carry on and ignore!

I have a toxic sibling too so I totally get it.

You are determined to paint me as dramatic 🤣have I rattled your cage somehow??
DP voluntarily divulged all of the details to us. Including what they are paying for the house and other finer details.
There was no drama; we tried to speak with her, she got defensive and then blocked us.

I find the secrecy and blocking you weird....and yes it sounds as though you are going to have to be Queen of the Boundary Setters.

Yes, of course it’s odd. How quickly can you (secretly) move?