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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for advice on an employment issue

155 replies

Vinividivici · 21/04/2026 14:26

I am currently on sick leave, as is described in another thread. The cause of this is work stress. I am fearful that my employer may take retaliatory action if / when I eventually have to return. Would it be reasonable / strategically wise to send a list of grievances (basically a description of what led to this)?

I'm not sure whether there's anything that would matter to an employment tribunal. My issues are:

  • documented historical bullying which seemingly was not addressed at the time.
  • my job title is far, far too low for my skills, abilities, and portfolio of work. I was on the verge of promotion two years ago when suddenly the global policy was changed to exclude the option of promotion. Since then, I have been given work that is two levels above my official pay grade and expected to get on with it without any support. My job title means that people treat me as if I have little value and I don't have authorisation to do things I need to do in order to be effective. I am humiliated every day. I have raised this with management several times.
  • my new portfolio of work was previously owned by my bully. It was handed to me without any support or guidance, other than having to ask my bully for help
  • my manager refuses to have 1:1s and I have to arrange ad hoc meetings for anything I want to discuss. When we meet to discuss work projects, this is a clear imposition and I am treated as if I am stupid or annoying. Typically my manager has not read my updates in detail. Occasionally my manager has held specific pieces of the work hostage for a couple of weeks (eventually doing nothing and finally allowing me to take it over again), causing big delays.
  • as a result of the above, I feel constantly insecure about the work and whether i will be blamed if something goes wrong due to my manager's lack of communication and occasionally chaotic approach.
  • recently I took time off to get married. When I tried to get cover in place 3-4 weeks beforehand, I was told in an annoyed way that this was too early. When I finally was told who could cover, there were only a few day s left before my wedding. A very senior person who had to cover some of my work was hostile and angry.

When I faced the prospect of going back, I spent several days in a state of severe depression. I could not face it.

It seems to me that none of this is discrimination or illegal. Is there any point writing this all out and sending it to HR and my manager?

OP posts:
Vinividivici · 05/06/2026 18:25

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 05/06/2026 16:37

Given the physical and emotional state you self describe yourself to be in, I'd negotiate on the redundancy offer, reach an agreed position and move on with your life.

The redundancy will give me time to sort myself out. I don't want a lengthy fight. It's actually true that the working conditions put me in this sort of state, which has been absolutely dreadful. There was a time when I felt very good about myself in this role.

OP posts:
Vinividivici · 18/06/2026 17:07

Help! I have hired a solicitor who says I should tell HR that it appears to me that the redundancy decision is being driven by my illness. This is part of a strategy to obtain an enhanced redundancy package.

I'm terrified of having a confrontation, but I realise that I probably should stand up for myself and at least try with this. Any advice or pep talks welcome!

OP posts:
Backawayfromthesausage · 18/06/2026 17:14

Just email it to them if you don’t want to do it face to face, prob better any way, and ask for a written response, explain why you/your solicitor think this

HermioneWeasley · 18/06/2026 20:03

Your solicitor can write to them

Vinividivici · 19/06/2026 12:18

I ended up writing an email which my solicitor approved.

This is all so stressful. The experience is showing me my real weaknesses - undervaluing myself, not standing up for myself, not demanding fair treatment. I should probably have done this from day one in this organisation.

OP posts:
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