To refuse to see my BF’s friend again over text message comment

[Letws]

I have been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and met one of his best friends for the first time on a double date at the weekend.

We had a lovely time, I thought he was really polite and appeared interested in me, asking questions etc.

In the taxi home, my BF’s phone went off and he said ‘oh F has messaged already’. I instinctively looked and the message on the screen said ‘Enjoy bending her over tonight mate 😜’

My BF was apologetic and said he expects his friend was joking. He’s 40 btw.

I’m not annoyed by my BF, but do find it a very disrespectful comment.

Would I be taking it too far to suggest I don’t want to see that particular friend again? I feel like that could make things awkward for my BF but I don’t want to sit across a table from his friend anytime soon.

YABU - you are overreacting to suggest that
YANBU - I wouldn’t want to see him again either

I agree, apart from tou saying you can see where people are coming from. This os one of these threads where people are so divorced from how people, including friends talk to each other

Exactly. Let's see everyone here, who are throwing stones, and let's see if their private messages are pure

Amazingly said

No. I think they are a power play intended to try to intimidate women.

But the message from the friend was not intended to hurt anyone. It was a joking message to his mate that indicated he thought his mate was lucky to be (he assumed) sleeping with her.

Not because I would interpret it as a compliment, but because it was not in anyway critical of OP. It used crass language, which is not uncommon between friends when talking about sex. But the message was a supportive one from one friend to another. It made the assumption there would be sex on the cards. Given the culture we live in, where sex between partners who have been together for a while is pretty standard and isn't seen as a character defect in either sex (as it once was for women), I don't think that assumption, or the private message suggesting he thinks OP's boyfriend is fortunate to be in that position, is derogatory.

A boast about sexual assault is very different from an appreciative remark about consensual sex - regardless of the vulgarity of the language used.

The pearl clutching is hilarious.
Have heard and seen worse at hen dos.

If a female friend had texted me saying "enjoy riding that" about a new bf,
I certainly wouldn't be thinking how dare she objectify my bf.

I'd think she's had a drink, excitement, banter (yes, that old thing), no harm meant and go home and enjoy riding it.

A lot of people don't like their most intimate moments being shared for the entertainment of their partner's pals.

A lot of people think that if their sexual partner had any respect for them then their sex life would be a matter between the two of them and not a subject for conversation down the pub.

I was making a joke about how immature it sounded...obviously it wasn't funny!

Can't you see that this is part of the same issue?

No. It's about having standards.

Exactly. It's very infantile and pathetic. (As @BillieWiper illustrated in their post earlier in the thread, he probably uses much more silly and gross teenage boy language too, that the OP never sees/never gets to hear.) I'm embarrassed for anyone who thinks this kind of behaviour and language is OK. Raise your bar!!! 'Enjoy bending her over tonight mate' is a really gross and infantile thing to say. I would have thought it came from a 14 year old boy, not a 40 year old man.

I am shocked that any woman is OK with it, and can only surmise that the small handful of posters saying it's fine are men. They have to be. No woman I know (or ever have known) would find this funny, (their partner's mate saying to her partner what he should do to her,) whether it was them who was being spoken about, or another woman.

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This wouldn't bother me in the slightest!

I disagree that this is part of the same issue.

This is just someone telling his mate he likes his girlfriend. Intent is the issue, not language.

Language does matter. Nowhere in this sentence there is any indication that the friend "likes his girlfriend". The sentence structure is clear: there is an underlying assumption that the man is the subject and the woman is the object. "Enjoy bending her over" not "you two enjoy banging each other" or whatever crass language you are comfortable with.
And there is abundant literature examining links between objectification of women and sexual assault. The fact that you are so comfortable with it and are choosing to see it as a nice comment tells me that you are either a woman who internalised misogyny or a man who is lacking in self-awareness. Or worse...