To refuse to see my BF’s friend again over text message comment

[Letws]

I have been with my boyfriend for a few months now, and met one of his best friends for the first time on a double date at the weekend.

We had a lovely time, I thought he was really polite and appeared interested in me, asking questions etc.

In the taxi home, my BF’s phone went off and he said ‘oh F has messaged already’. I instinctively looked and the message on the screen said ‘Enjoy bending her over tonight mate 😜’

My BF was apologetic and said he expects his friend was joking. He’s 40 btw.

I’m not annoyed by my BF, but do find it a very disrespectful comment.

Would I be taking it too far to suggest I don’t want to see that particular friend again? I feel like that could make things awkward for my BF but I don’t want to sit across a table from his friend anytime soon.

YABU - you are overreacting to suggest that
YANBU - I wouldn’t want to see him again either

No, and I don’t think it’s remotely normal. That you think it is says a lot about your circles, none of it good. Are you saying you saying that you would meet your best friend’s nice new boyfriend of a few months for an evening during which you get to know him, and think it was a completely normal thing to do to immediately afterwards send her a text saying ‘Enjoy sucking his dick later’?

You are part of the problem of why men are allowed to get away with their vile behaviour. Do you also go around wearing a tshirt saying “boys will be boys.” 🙄🙄

This. You can tell a lot about men (and women) from the company they keep.

'lols. Titties, fannies. You might get your willy sucked by a girl'?!

Is he 12?!

I wouldn’t send that because that’s not me, but that is how some men and women do speak.

I wouldn’t be phased if my partner received a message from a friend that said that because that’s on the friend, I would be concerned about how my partner interacts with that message.

If I lived a life worrying about how everyone speaks to each other which is out of my control it would be very consuming.

I would presume by new boyfriend was a 'lad' and that there had been some previous conversation about our sex with his friend. It would give me major ick

If you stay in the relationship and at this very early stage decide to say you will never be in the company of the friend again - where would that leave your relationship with your BF? Being excluded from anything concerning one of his best friends forever? I don't think that's a good start to a relationship

Yeah I can't stand laddy lads, especially 40 year old ones! No way would I date one.

Ewwwww. Extremely disrespectful, degrading and also encouraging your bf to see you in that way. How did your bf react? Did he put him right? I'd feel the same OP and wouldn't see him for at least a good long while.

If he would send that to your bf, then it follows that that's the type of things they say to each other. Forget the friend, I'd be more concerned about the fact that your bf engages in 'banter' like this.

Most women have no idea how disrespectfullly men talk to each other about them when there are no women present.

Your BF's frien who knows BF well sent that message to BF. I'd assume therefore that he expected it to be well received and they've exchanged similar messages before. It's the normal way they communicate.

In their normal bantery way (normal forn them) he was saying he thought BF had done well for himself.

If you don't want to mix with men who talk like that, that's your choice, but I think you need a new BF as much as you need to avoid his friend.

Well, a proportion of very basic men speak like this to each other,

They’ve been conditioned to think this is what other men expect, and aren’t intelligent enough to rise above it.

Yes!!! 🚩

This. ^ Sorry @Letws but I would be ditching his ass pronto! (Your new boyfriend.)

Sadly though, the vast majority of men are like this, and the older they are the worse they get.

@BillieWiper this isn’t anywhere in the thread?

Birds of a feather flocking together and all that. Forty year old birds of a feather acting like grubby minded schoolboys.

You mean like most of us women have at some point? It’s normal for many if not most, women to discuss whether their bf/DH is good in bed etc. Granted not everyone does it (I don’t) but hairdressers across the land are filled with blue air

The sad fact is most men are like this. Some just hide it better than others. You wouldn't be unreasonable to not want to see the friend again.

Yeah @TedDog In 35 years of being with my DH, I have never discussed our sex life, how good he is in bed, or how big his dick is, not with ANYone, not even best friends. Shoot me down if you want, but that is personal private information that is not to be discussed outside of the couple. If I knew DH had been discussing me in this manner I'd be fucking livid. He never has (as far as I know...) After 35 years together I am sure it would have got back to me at some time or other if he had been discussing our sex life with anyone.

Really?

I don't know what hairdressers you go to!

Same here. I have been to dozens of hairdressers over the decades, and have never heard any of them discussing their sex lives, or asking other women about theirs.

Me neither!

Youa nabd everyone else are ao weird and out of touch. Men go out if the way to make their friends uncomfortable. If he had replied sure but not just the message.

Look at rihcard keys making uncomfortable comments to jamie redknapp. The dynamics are not as simple as your reading is.

O.p stop listening to these people. If it is a good relationship go for it. If this is causing you doubts it wasn't meant to be anyway

So what?