To ask if a 5-6 year age gaps between children is too big?

[HeyGabby]

My DD is 4 and we are struggling to conceive #2. So we are looking at least 5.5 years gap now. I'm a bit sad that if we do manage to conceive the gap will be too big for them to have a good relationship 😪

Please could I ask for people's experiences of this gap?

There's 16 years between my sister and I and we are so close, we're literally best friends and have barely ever had an argument,
There's a similar age gap between my mum and her sister (14 years) and they're also extremely close and rarely argue.

This is the age gap between my sister and I and we’ve always been very close. It didn’t really matter that our primary/secondary years overlapped so little as we were at different schools anyway. Still close as adults.

Don't get the big issues with age gaps personally, 9 years between my first and second then 3 years between second and third. The closest relationship is actually the eldest and his sister to which there's a 13 year gap.

There are 6.5 years between my two. Ds1 is away at Uni now so ds2 will see much less of him (he's 13), but that's just how it is.

They haven't had a particularly close relationship but I would say that the majority of the reason is that they're very different personalities. I suspect if they'd been a lot closer in age then they'd be a lot less friendly if anything - they have no particular interests in common and ds1 is very gentle with ds2 being far more boisterous - I think ds1 would have found ds2 too full on to play with and ds2 would have resented ds1 not being into sport/ball games/rough play.

Ds1 and 2 love each other very much and are happy with the relationship that they have. It's the only one they know after all.

This age gap is fine and very common. Siblings of this age can be great friends.

Siblings close in age don't automatically get along, and rivalry can be stronger due to being in the same stage at the same time.

I knew someone who had 5 year gaps between her children (she had 3). She said this was deliberate so she could dedicate 1:1 time to each child.

Definitely no problem! Having children close together definitely does not guarantee that they’ll be best friends or enjoy the same things. My DC have nearly 5 years between them and they’re fine, I know someone with a 6 year age gap and they get on great and even families where there are 10+ age gaps. There is no ideal age gap, everyone just adapts to what they have!

Not too big. Different pros and different cons. I didn't plan it this way but have noticed & enjoyed loads of upsides.

I have noticed there are lots of 3 child families with children in the same school years as my two (eg one extra one in the middle).

5 year gap between myself and my sibling and me, and my own children and it's been mainly positive from both perspectives, so I definitely won't think it's too much. In fact I wouldn't change it now.

I have a 6.5 year gap between mine. My 10 month old adores her big brother and he dotes on her. It’s so sweet and it’s been so nice having 1-1 time with the baby while the older is in school.

I have a 9 year gap between me and my sister and we’ve always been close.

Idk why big gaps are demonised, the kids end up getting more individual attention and care.

Yes, 5 years between mine (took 4 years to have ds2) completely different stages of life. They get on well, but it’s a very noticeable gap.

Also struggled to conceive, we have a 5 year 4 months gap and it has been lovely. They are now 11 and 5 and still play together and enjoy each other's company. Is nice that eldest is a little responsible so can keep an eye on youngest eg if playing out the front. They play together at softplay, bouncy etc.
I like it as I have been able to have time with both. Eldest was in reception when youngest was born. I also like it that eldest is approaching teenage years and I still have a "little one". I guess the only downside is because we have middle school they will never be at the same school.

It really doesn’t matter.

There are too many other variables.

A sibling you are close to is a blessing, regardless of the age gap.

I’d rather have a lovely sibling 5 years older than me than a strained relationship with a sibling 2 years older than me.

Rememebr it’s for life, not just the childhood years.

Don’t overthink it, you’ll just put more pressure on yourself to conceive, which you don’t need.

Good luck

I think there are pro and cons of all age gap. With your proposed gap you one only have one child in nursery / childminder at any one time. You would be able to all baby events you have done your eldest eg baby swimming.

I have two boys 7 and 4 so close in age, youngest is starting school in September and I e have discussed having another .. because of the age gaps I would really hope for a girl

I get on best with the sibling I have the biggest age gap with. The one I am closest in age to we get on ok now, but are just so different, we have nothing in common.

Why torture yourself with worries of too big an age gap? You are struggling to conceive, it's not as if you've chosen it that way. Just take whatever gap you are given and please don't worry about it. In the scheme of things it's not that important.

5 years between me and younger sister. We played great as younger kids, but teenage years were quite hard (not helped by sharing a room!). We get on well as adults and have lots of great shared memories. So overall, it’s worked out fine having a gap.

We have this 6yr gap between each of 3 siblings . Not v close as adults. More like 3 only children. Everything was very distant and separated out. I believe due to age gap

6 year gap between my 2 youngest.. Now 11 and 17 and still very close.... Both boys.

My 3 year old and my 8 year old have surprised me how much they play together and like similar games. My eldest is 11 and they all play together you wouldn't think they'd all be on the same level but actually it gives the older ones a chance to be a bit silly and playful. which they don't always get with their friends and at school.

I do think personality can sometimes play more of a role than age gaps.

It also meant I could recover fully from birth and sleepless nights before diving in again.

7 years between mine. Absolutely lush relationship. There will be stages where they annoy each other and stages where they're closer but isn't that the same with all siblings?

of course not.
if anything they are likely to have a better relationship as no competition.

Sister is 5.5 years younger than me and I deliberately had my children close together as I did not find it positive as a child having a large gap. We had nothing in common and were often not able to do things as a family due to different interests. However now as adults we get on very well.

Got a 10yr old, 7yr old and 11month old! Worked out fine so far!