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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if a 5-6 year age gaps between children is too big?

100 replies

HeyGabby · 20/04/2026 16:20

My DD is 4 and we are struggling to conceive #2. So we are looking at least 5.5 years gap now. I'm a bit sad that if we do manage to conceive the gap will be too big for them to have a good relationship 😪

Please could I ask for people's experiences of this gap?

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 20/04/2026 20:52

I think there are good and bad things about any age gap. 5/6 years is nothing once they’re adults

IveLostMyUsername · 20/04/2026 21:52

There's a 7.5 year gap between me and my brother. When I was a teenager I couldn't stand him (mainly because the word no didn't feature in my mother's vocabulary when it came to him)

However we're now really close and have been since he was about 21/22 and grew out of the "I have to be involved in everything my sister does, even if I'm too young/male to do it" phase

MeridaBrave · 20/04/2026 21:55

My DD is 6.5 years older than DS2 (22 and 16) and they get on very well despite DD being away at uni. They make dinner parties together and both invite their friends. I do have one in the middle but still, despite the age gap and gender difference they are still very close

IWaffleAlot · 20/04/2026 21:59

We have this age gap and I would say it’s very tricky as they’re becoming older. They will never be in the same school, you can’t ever find some activity that both will enjoy, one will be like an only child when the other goes to college.
many positives as well BUT I didn’t realise the difference would be so evident as they’re becoming older

Metalhead · 20/04/2026 22:16

There’s 5.5 years between my two DDs (now 10 and nearly 16) and it’s been absolutely fine. Of course they’re at different stages and have different interests so finding things that everyone will enjoy on family days out can be difficult, but they have a good relationship and do have fun together. Like any age gap, there are pros and cons, and it also depends on the kids‘ personalities as to whether they’ll get on. Try not to overthink it would be my advice.

Superfoodie123 · 20/04/2026 22:31

5.5 year gap between my two with no issues. My older dd has really taken on a leadership role and they are besties. They dont always play together but when they do they do it really well. Highly recommend the gap i love it

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 20/04/2026 23:04

My siblings are I are 3, 6 & 4 years apart.
The 6 year gap is between me and my elder brother. We are probably the “best” combo of any of us.

PlusPoncho · 20/04/2026 23:07

every single age gap has a long list of pros and cons. I have an 8 year gap and they adore each other.

Wintercrocodile · 20/04/2026 23:12

Theres 5 years between me and my sister, I have really fond memories of playing together. She used to bake with me, held on to the Christmas magic for me, and actually now we are adults she moved across the country to live closer to me. I wouldn’t change a thing! Also yes, I was the annoying little sister that wanted to be with the big kids.

Eenameenadeeka · Yesterday 02:59

We have 4, with a range of age gaps- one is 5 years and it's actually really lovely. Looking after the younger sibling but still playing together, keeps the older one playing and 'young' in some ways

fabstraction · Yesterday 03:24

I'm much closer to one sibling than the other. Only 3 years between me and one sib, yet I have more in common with the one 10 years my junior, and I've always gotten along better with that sibling. Of course all siblings have disagreements, but on the whole I have very fond memories of playing with her when she was a toddler and young child, and now that we're all adults, the age difference has disappeared. Being a significantly older sister/brother can still be a great experience.

Sartre · Yesterday 06:01

It depends on the individual children, you can never predict how close they will or won’t be irrespective of age gap. There’s six years between my only sibling and I. I absolutely hated him from the moment he was born. I liked peace and quiet and he ruined it crying constantly, he also took all of the little attention I really got away. Then when he got older he started wrecking my room and destroying my things. He also physically hurt me a lot and was a sore loser so even when I did play with him I either let him win or he’d toss the board game away. He was basically a little prick.

On the flip side, there’s a ten year gap between my eldest and youngest and they get along really well. My eldest is now 16 but he still happily gets involved with his little brothers (almost 6 and 7), they play stupid games and get silly with one another. So yeah you just can’t predict how it will swing.

Girlygal · Yesterday 06:15

I think anything more than a 2 year gap is ‘big’ because they won’t want to do the same activities and won’t enjoy similar things at the same time. The four year old will be in year 6 when the youngest starts year 1. They might still get on, but it won’t be a typical sibling relationship where they’ve shared experiences growing up. I have a brother close in age and another who was born when I was at primary school. I have an only child.

ninetofiveeveryday · Yesterday 06:23

My are 16 and 14. Then a big gap youngest is 7. It’s great. They get on far better with her than each other, she’s a great character with loads of confidence as she does all sorts with them and us, and has two siblings who adore her.
growing up the younger two just fought. I thought the small age gap was far overrated as most people I know with small age gaps despair their kids just fight and are jealous of each other! I really wouldn’t worry about the age gap!

modgepodge · Yesterday 07:03

We have this gap, kids currently 7 and 2. I love it. I get 1:1 time with both kids (little one when older is at school, older one at the weekend/holidays when little one naps for example). Older one has always adored younger one, plays with them a lot. Baby days were easier cos a 5 year old understands the need to be patient and wait while mummy does X for the baby about better than a 2/3 year old does. She was a lot more independent which helped a lot.

I am sure it won’t always be plain sailing but so far it’s been great.

Pugglywuggly · Yesterday 07:06

Yes, too big to have anything in common really. They'll be so different physically and socially. You won't be able to do all the fun things that come with an older child like zip lining and boat trips because you'll have to look after the little one.

MrThorpeHazell · Yesterday 07:10

No. There are 5 years between each of our DC. Can't say I have seen any issues.

Pricelessadvice · Yesterday 07:13

There’s nearly 6 years between me and my brother. We got on brilliantly as kids, no real arguments but we still had fun together.

Captainbird · Yesterday 07:19

Big age gap between mine due to secondary infertility. They’re best friends. They prioritise each other over everyone else and have been like this since the little one was born. In teenage years now and still the same. The only downside is sometimes I feel a bit lonely and on the sidelines but I’d rather that than the fighting I grew up with.
My friend really criticised me for my age gap saying I was ruining the big ones life, her children are only a year apart and fight so badly that they need a babysitter well into their teenage years!

Gettingbysomehow · Yesterday 07:22

You what OP? There is 15 years between me and DSIS. We are very close. Always have been and especially now we are older.

GreyCarpet · Yesterday 07:42

I think my experience sounds similar to Captainbird's.

There's 7 years between mine.

And it's been perfect. They're now 27 and 20.

There was enough of an age gap for me to never feel overwhelmed by parenting. I read threads where women talk about the pressures of 2 under 2 or 3 under 5 and how draining and exhausting it can be. I didn't have any of that.

There's never been any sibling rivalry because of the age gap.

They rarely bickered or fell out - not until teens really - because he was always old enough to understand that she was just very little when she was annoying him rather than also being very little himself.

He used to have sleepovers for her in his room when she was little and she loved spending time with her bg brother.

He's always been fiercely protective of her and she has always trusted his advice.

As adults, they've been for weekends away together and she got to do very grown up things like being taken out for dinner by him and his girlfriend and his girlfriend's similarly aged younger sister, which was far cooler than being taken out for dinner by her mum! 😉

He's helped her with homework, friendship issues, boyfriend problems... and now she's old enough to do the same in return for him - well, not the homework but definitely girlfriend issues!

As adults, they are incredibly close. She's away at university and I know they're in contact nearly every day. If she messages me to tell me some good news, I know he already knows.

Of course, they have disagreements but there have never been any major problems or fights, extended arguing, screaming etc and I put a lot of that down to the age difference.

In short, I think the age gap is less important than the combination of their personalities and how you help them navigate their relationship as siblings.

GreyCarpet · Yesterday 07:48

Pugglywuggly · Yesterday 07:06

Yes, too big to have anything in common really. They'll be so different physically and socially. You won't be able to do all the fun things that come with an older child like zip lining and boat trips because you'll have to look after the little one.

Are you speaking from experience or assumption though?

I did all the fun stuff with my eldest and he enjoyed doing the little kid stuff again with her.

The flip side is also that she had a greater sense of independence at a younger age because if we went camping at a festival or similar, he would take her to do things with him. We used to go camping at smaller family friendly festivals when they were, say, 9 and 16 and I didn't have to worry about her not being by my side constantly because she was with him.

awayhay · Yesterday 08:08

I’ve recently had a baby (4 months old).
My other 2 are 6&8. My older 2 are absolutely amazing with her. They always want to help & they want to entertain her, so I can actually
manage to brush my teeth and get ready etc!

They are absolutely fabulous with her. Whilst they won’t have any hobbies in common, I just know they are going to have the best bond. They absolutely adore her.

garlictwist · Yesterday 08:19

I have 2 sisters, one is 2 years younger and one 8 years younger. I have never got on with my middle sister but my youngest sister has been my best friend since she was born and we have always been very close. I think a larger age gap removes some of that sibling rivalry and can work very well.

CuriousKangaroo · Yesterday 08:33

My DB is 6 years younger than me. We have always been close and remain so in our 40s.