To think being a single parent shouldn’t trump everything

[Unher10]

… when it comes to life being hard.

I have 2 kids under 4 and a husband and general family support. Husband works long hours which means I can stay at home and we do not have financial worries but equally I wouldn’t say we are wealthy in the sense that a cleaner etc would be too much of a luxury.

I am really struggling and feel like my parents don’t give a shit. My sister is a single parent to one child age 2 and is back at work, her daughter is in nursery four days a week and my sister works from home whenever she likes while also having a social life with work stuff.

Even though she has a huge income and hefty CMS payments, time to herself when niece’s dad spends time with her AND she has flexibility at work so can shop and go to the gym in peace during her lunch hour…my parents still feel sorry for her and will be at her beck and call if she needs anything, even though she rarely does!!!!

I have said I am not managing and fed up being with one or two children all day every day and they say sister doesn’t complain and she’s a single parent… literally anything I say the answer is she is a single parent and she copes so why can’t I. How are our situations even comparable?!??

I am close to my sister and wouldn’t say this to her as she’s been through a lot and I love her but the perspective that I have it all great in comparison in the eyes of my family just takes the piss. I don’t know what im asking really. Just want to let out my feelings as I feel so down today.

What work does she do that she can do it 'whenever she likes'?

And earn a huge income!

Why don’t you put your kids
in nursery and get a job like your sister?

This, enroll the dc in nursery and you can go back to work?

@Upearlyaseva my youngest is only 14 months

You feel your life is hard and you've focussed your disatisfaction on your sister.

Don't. This isn't her fault.

Agree!

If it’s so much easier and you’re not coping - do it!

14month olds can go to nursery

Sign me up!!

@Upearlyaseva @pinkyredrose exactly! She has worked her way up so in a more senior role and has loads of flexibility. She does often work into the evenings when I call her but I would do anything to have that choice about my days and my time

@Comparelightly sorry yes we did look at it but even with the hours it is expensive

@Upearlyaseva older one is at pre school

Nothing but your own choices stopping you from doing so. So, you lie when you would “do anything”.

So make the change. Don't put the dissatisfaction of your own life onto your sister or your parents. And don't think that for one second the 'perks' (which I imagine stem from very hard work earlier in her life) she enjoys now wipe out the difficulty of doing everything without her child's dad.

@McSpoot I can’t just walk into a senior role and demand flexibility can I? If I could I would

Obviously it doesn’t trump everything - it doesn’t trump living in a war zone or having a huge bereavement or becoming seriously ill.

But I would say it’s an important factor and I’m glad your parents don’t dismiss it.

Your husband works and the two of you have to use his income to allow looking after the children and home to be your job. And then you say you aren’t coping with always having a child or two with you - but you chose that to be your full time job!

If it’s not working out for you, you have the choice to go back to work like your sister has, plus another parent in the household to share the load with.

Is your real beef with your husband not stepping up to give you breaks when he’s not at work?

Unbelievable.

I do kind of know what you mean @Unher10 . My Dad and Step-mum are the same with my sister. They do everything for her because she's a single parent.
Difference is, so am I. In fact I've been a single parent longer than she's been a mum, and have more DC!

On rhe other hand, my brother complained about how much my mum does for me vs him. I'm a single Mum was was, at the time working full time. He's a married man who's wife is a SAHM. That doesn't mean they don't need/ want a break. But it's not the same. At all.

What is it that’s causing your struggle? Sounds like your sister is more proactive than you based on the little information provided to be honest. Why can’t you make changes?

So your sister has worked really hard to be where she is, you haven’t, but you want the benefit of the same hard work without actually doing it?