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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my adult son to contribute to household bills?

103 replies

Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 09:59

I have a 20 year old ds and he's just started a new job ive got myself in debt due to him refusing to apply for uc for 9 months and has been living in the home but I have asked for some help with home bills and he's refused as he said he's gotta buy a car am I as a parent being unreasonable for asking for some rent/shopping every month?

OP posts:
Namechangetheyarewatching · 20/04/2026 10:01

Tell him to move out and make his own way in life, the bank of mum is now closed!!

lazyarse123 · 20/04/2026 10:03

Namechangetheyarewatching · 20/04/2026 10:01

Tell him to move out and make his own way in life, the bank of mum is now closed!!

Exactly this. Entitled little shit.

BIWI · 20/04/2026 10:03

He pays to stay.

TeenLifeMum · 20/04/2026 10:03

We paid 10% rent after 3 months in a job post education. You may need to ask for 20% depending on your needs (my parents didn’t need the money and it was more to teach budgeting).

He pays or moves out. He’s no longer your financial responsibility!

Jellycatspyjamas · 20/04/2026 10:04

Nope, he needs to take care of living expenses before buying a car. That means he either pays to stay with you or he pays to live somewhere else.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 20/04/2026 10:06

Pay or move out. Give him a get out by date. Tell him you're going to rent his room out for 100 a week but he can have it for 50 a week if he would like to stay.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/04/2026 10:09

Living expenses before a car.

He either pays you a decent sum for rent or he moves out.

In the meantime, if there is a meantime, make it clear you are each shopping and cooking separately from now on.

Star2004k · 20/04/2026 10:13

Make him aware that it’s possible to do both, pay bills and save for a car.

In fact it is a great safe environment for him to start budgeting like an adult. He needs to grow up and learn, it’s like that in the real world, your bills don’t just stop because you’re saving for something.

That said it depends on how much he is earning, so either pay like a lodger or put one or two bills in his name with the direct debit coming straight out of his account. Which also helps him build his credit score.

Original poster
Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 10:20

Namechangetheyarewatching · 20/04/2026 10:01

Tell him to move out and make his own way in life, the bank of mum is now closed!!

I have told him but he's come back at me with your my mum.its ur job to look after ur kids..

OP posts:
Original poster
Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 10:21

lazyarse123 · 20/04/2026 10:03

Exactly this. Entitled little shit.

Show quote history

Thank-you for ur reply im not happy with him at all ive not brought him up this way either which has really made me feel like rubbish

OP posts:
Original poster
Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 10:22

Star2004k · 20/04/2026 10:13

Make him aware that it’s possible to do both, pay bills and save for a car.

In fact it is a great safe environment for him to start budgeting like an adult. He needs to grow up and learn, it’s like that in the real world, your bills don’t just stop because you’re saving for something.

That said it depends on how much he is earning, so either pay like a lodger or put one or two bills in his name with the direct debit coming straight out of his account. Which also helps him build his credit score.

Thanku for ur reply 💓

OP posts:
Original poster
Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 10:23

TeenLifeMum · 20/04/2026 10:03

We paid 10% rent after 3 months in a job post education. You may need to ask for 20% depending on your needs (my parents didn’t need the money and it was more to teach budgeting).

He pays or moves out. He’s no longer your financial responsibility!

Thank-you for your reply

OP posts:
Original poster
Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 10:26

Slightyamusedandsilly · 20/04/2026 10:06

Pay or move out. Give him a get out by date. Tell him you're going to rent his room out for 100 a week but he can have it for 50 a week if he would like to stay.

This is so valid i may have to look into these options

OP posts:
YourShyLion · 20/04/2026 10:30

He's absolutely right.

Why has that particular nine months put you in debt when he's presumably been part of your household since he was born?

You sound like you're very grabby and see him as a cash cow to solve problems you got yourself into.

rwalker · 20/04/2026 10:32

Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 10:20

I have told him but he's come back at me with your my mum.its ur job to look after ur kids..

Show quote history

That financial ship has sailed at 20

in his defence ( if there is any ) does he know how much it cost to run a house

AmberSpy · 20/04/2026 10:33

YourShyLion · 20/04/2026 10:30

He's absolutely right.

Why has that particular nine months put you in debt when he's presumably been part of your household since he was born?

You sound like you're very grabby and see him as a cash cow to solve problems you got yourself into.

Why should an adult man with a job not be expected to contribute to living expenses?

LadyDanburysHat · 20/04/2026 10:36

YourShyLion · 20/04/2026 10:30

He's absolutely right.

Why has that particular nine months put you in debt when he's presumably been part of your household since he was born?

You sound like you're very grabby and see him as a cash cow to solve problems you got yourself into.

WTF?! She did take care of her child. He is now an adult. How long should a parent support a child? Should a mother in her 70s support a 40 something child?

lazyarse123 · 20/04/2026 10:38

Sorry @Dilemmame if I came across as snippy. It's easy to say make him leave but not easy to do.
I have 3 adult kids. They have all left home now, all were brought up the same dd will happily pay anything she was asked, ds1 is an entitled so and so and when he did pay usually borrowed it back, ds2 will pay but just exactly what is asked for (he's very careful with money).
I do remember putting ds2 rent up and he queried it so I explained it as think of it as a house share, at that time there were 3 of us living there so I told him the price of everything divided by 3. I went on for about 15 minutes listing everything and he was begging me to stop but now he has his own home he is very capable when budgeting.

Original poster
Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 10:39

YourShyLion · 20/04/2026 10:30

He's absolutely right.

Why has that particular nine months put you in debt when he's presumably been part of your household since he was born?

You sound like you're very grabby and see him as a cash cow to solve problems you got yourself into.

Your opinion is very valid im a parent carer for his 7 year old sister snd because his monies stopped as he is an adult i had to budget my part of monies on food and bills for him rather than me as im on uc and carers except he has a very limited foods he will eat snd he is mostly eating takeaways which I could not afford as ive only got monies in for 1 child and 1 adult i wish I could go out to work and earn more but im not able to get child care which has caused me to get in debt as ive had to cover for bills amd rent and food for 2 adults amd 1 child which has not been possible so yes I am being greedy by asking him as ive gotta pay back monies that I should not have got thank-you for your honest opinion

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 20/04/2026 10:41

YourShyLion · 20/04/2026 10:30

He's absolutely right.

Why has that particular nine months put you in debt when he's presumably been part of your household since he was born?

You sound like you're very grabby and see him as a cash cow to solve problems you got yourself into.

Wow. That's nasty.
He's an adult not a child.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 20/04/2026 10:42

Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 10:20

I have told him but he's come back at me with your my mum.its ur job to look after ur kids..

Show quote history

He's not a kid. He's a 20 year old man with a job. Men don't live with their mums. (Or if they do, they contribute to the household.)

Slightyamusedandsilly · 20/04/2026 10:42

Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 10:20

I have told him but he's come back at me with your my mum.its ur job to look after ur kids..

Show quote history

He's not a kid. He's a 20 year old man with a job. Men don't live with their mums. (Or if they do, they contribute to the household.)

Anywherebuthere · 20/04/2026 10:42

Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 10:20

I have told him but he's come back at me with your my mum.its ur job to look after ur kids..

Show quote history

If he is a healthy able adult, he should be contributing where necessary.

SmallBlondeMum · 20/04/2026 10:42

Dilemmame · 20/04/2026 10:21

Thank-you for ur reply im not happy with him at all ive not brought him up this way either which has really made me feel like rubbish

Show quote history

You have brought him up exactly that way.

You said it yourself, you got in debt as he wouldn't claim UC. He was an adult yet you did that.

I don't agree with this idea of adult DC paying token rents. The bills should be split with all the adults in the household.

Onmytod24 · 20/04/2026 10:43

You’re not being greedy your son is an adult now it’s not a child to be looked after. He should be giving you roughly a third of his wages. You’ve brought him up well he knows what he should be doing. He feels like he can get away with it by pretending to be the little boy that he is not.