AIBU to ask my adult son to contribute to household bills?

[Dilemmame]

I have a 20 year old ds and he's just started a new job ive got myself in debt due to him refusing to apply for uc for 9 months and has been living in the home but I have asked for some help with home bills and he's refused as he said he's gotta buy a car am I as a parent being unreasonable for asking for some rent/shopping every month?

What a pile of unmitigated crap

He 20 he's not a kid anymore. He's an adult, over 18 and no longer in education.

He's absolutely wrong. It's a parent's responsibility to bring him up to be an adult which he now is. If he's old enough to drive and run a car then he's old enough to look after himself and pull his weight in a family house hold.

Grabby? Get real.

Next time he says its your job to look after your kids, tell him that stopped at 18! Are you on speaking terms with parents of his friends? Ask them if they take any board from their children. If so clap that back at him. Just tell him he will be sofa surfing as you are letting his room to pay the bills due to him behaving like a child and not claiming UC when he lost his job. And do not cook for him or do his laundry. Its time he grew up. My boys started paying board once they got part time jobs. They got most of it back one way or another but it didnt hurt them at all

He’s not a kid anymore. He’s an adult.

But he isn't a kid anymore, he is an adult...so start adulting!

Why shouldn't he pay? You need the money, he's an adult with a job.

My DD doesn't pay rent because I don't need the money. She does however do all the gardening, all the heavy cleaning, half the other cleaning and laundry and cooking. She pays for all meals when we go out and she is paying for her own driving lessons and insurance. Also free cat sitting.

Why are you accepting his arguments? I could argue the same thing to my own mum at age 28 with two kids of my own…but it wouldn’t be reasonable would it.

Basically no, you’ve brought him up to adulthood and now it’s time he takes some responsibility for himself by helping you pay the bills since he’s living at home.

Not rhat poster is not right! He is 20 years old and working. Why on earth does he think he should have a free ride as an adult. Kick him out and he can see exactly what the real world is like. I am so sorry you are dealing with such and entitled shifty kid

Crazy that you even have to ask. I was always told I had to be in full time education or contributing. I lived at home until I was 30 - because it was a lot easier to save for things like a car and a mortgage paying rent to my parents than it would have been renting privately. You might want to point that out to him!

This attitude from young adults is so annoying. The point he has missed is that as a parent you are responsible for your offspring when they are children. Now it’s time for him to understand the world of adults.

If he wants the perks of adulthood, he has to accept the downsides such as bills!

With the takeaways, is that because he can't be bothered to cook? I do think food deliveries are too easy for their generation?

Why wouldn't he apply for UC? He needs to pay towards his keep and save for a care. You looked after him for all those years until he was an adult and you're not obliged to now.

It's hard OP because there aren't any options they can afford to move out but they can't stay home taking the piss.

Please insist on housekeeping/rent. I have 3 sons, early 20s all living at home. I've asked for £200 a month from each (£50 a week) to cover bills/utilities. If they had their own place they would be paying most their wages on rent, bills, food, car etc.

The idiot poster who said "its ur job to look after ur kids" doesn't know what they're talking about. It's our job to educate our kids in worldly things such as paying their way. Remove his access to free: wifi, hot water, laundry, snack & food in the fridge - he'll soon get it.

This. Has he always been so lazy, entitled and obnoxious?

Are you the son?

Well if he doesn’t contribute he will have to find a new home and a car

send him this link https://m.spareroom.co.uk/

My 18 yr old pays £300. Thats all in, food & toiletries etc. She is working fulltime and earning above minimum wage. She is saving really well (told her if her savings dont go up her keep increases!) She is having days/nights out and living her best life frankly!

So tell him he’s not a kid, he’s an adult. If my DSs spoke to me like that i’d be boxing their stuff up.

Tell him he’s pays or he leaves. And mean it.

You would need to be prepared to get the locks changed while he’s out and leave his bagged/boxed up stuff in the garage, shed etc.

I think he’s being really disrespectful. I also think you need to come down on him quite hard here because 1) he is completely disrespecting you and 2) he won’t learn any life lessons if you’re getting in debt for him.

Yes he will kick off. You’re the parent and it’s your job to teach him. He will understand when he’s moved out.

@Dilemmame but he is not a child, he is an adult earning a living, so he should pay towards his living costs. Gas electricity, rent council tax, food are not free and he needs to pay his share

He’s not a kid anymore a 10 year old adult

He isn't a child anymore, and he's working & earning.

So he contributes to his upkeep or you take back his key. Selfish entitled little toad.

Yes. He pays up or moves out.

And you're putting up with that?

Are you blithely unaware that that the economy has changed considerably since ds was born and we are in a cost of living crisis? Oooo lucky you, to not have noticed! Perhaps you can take in her free loading son ?