AIBU to ask my adult son to contribute to household bills?

[Dilemmame]

I have a 20 year old ds and he's just started a new job ive got myself in debt due to him refusing to apply for uc for 9 months and has been living in the home but I have asked for some help with home bills and he's refused as he said he's gotta buy a car am I as a parent being unreasonable for asking for some rent/shopping every month?

So he’s only just got a job and you don’t work? So your “monies” is funded by the taxpayer?

My adult son still lives at home and is happy to contribute towards bills and rent etc. The majority of what he gives me goes into a savings account for him for when he leaves home. He realises that he would never find anywhere that includes bills and food for what he pays now which is £400 and he earns a lot more than I do.
I put £300 into a savings account and the rest is used towards his food shop.
Your son is an adult and needs to contribute towards the household expenses. It's nothing to do with you being grabby!
People can't stop paying their mortgage or bills etc if they need to replace their car!

It doesn’t matter where her income comes from. He should be paying his share of the food and bills at the very least. He isn’t a child anymore. This is exactly why women complain about men being so useless. Whenever a parent asks them to take accountability someone else says “don’t be mean” There is no where you can live for free!

Don't cook for him, don't do his laundry, don't pay his mobile phone bill and change the wifi password. Perhaps he might start to appreciate you then.

Yes i cant work at the moment as my dd is 7 and has dyapraxia chronic constipation and has autism and has now been diagnosed with severe myopia snd a stigma in her left eye s unfortunately not out of pull ups yet because her body is not working as it should and im in and out of appointments with her so im classed as an unpaid carer but also a parent.. this is his sister too sorry if that has come across strong but im not gonna be judged I am a.singke parent who gets not a lot of sleep and is on the go 24 7 I hope u understand this better I'm.sending hugs

Not at all

Thank-you xx

Wow entitled but you only learn what your taught..
Our 16 started work a few weeks ago and he came with £50 we both refused as we are fine till he is 18
.however I noticed he put it in my purse later that day so hubby and I opened a savings account and have popped it in there and any other he may give so he will have a wee stash by 18

Oh wow that has melted my heart bless him how sweet 😋

I'll answer.

If she is on UC they will stop contributing for him as he is now an adult and expected to get a job and pay her rent.
They will also sanction her with a bedroom tax if it's a rental as her house will be deemed too large for her needs.
Child Benefit will also have stopped at aged 19.

That is three lots of money she no longer has coming in because he is no longer considered a child.

There are all kinds of arguments about what and how an adult child working or looking for work should pay, but those are mainly relevant when the parent(s) COULD afford to foot the bill financially. I'd find it really hard to excuse or even forgive his knowingly letting you go into debt when he could have been collecting UC and at least partially paying his own way, and have no patience with his continued meanness. I'm not saying it's going to be easy to get the money from him now OR to insist he leave otherwise, but you CANNOT logically think that you are being unreasonable to ASK for (and expect) him to pay what he can.

Pillock.

You need to be more assertive. Its yoyr house and your rules. Now you are working you must contribute to gas, water, electric, insurance, council tax, cleaning materials and food. Ive calculated that this is £??? Per week. It's not an option to not pay, if you live here you have to contribute, end of ... or you move out if you can find somewhere cheaper.

I definitely would not trust him to pay your bills directly

He's a working adult its no longer your responsibility to look after him . Give him a date to find elsewhere to live he needs a reality check .

Of course. She is a carer. Did you miss that?
You seem to think there is something wrong with carers being funded by the taxpayer, even though they are saving the taxpayer many tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands each year.

This rude young man is not a child any more and I would make that clear. Awful thing to have to do but it comes down to pay rent or leave home. He can choose.

Kick him out. See how much he realises the grass isn’t always greener

Not a 20 year old who's somehow caused you to go into debt. Your legal responsibility to house and feed him is done. He gets his shit together and pays rent and buys and cooks his own food and cleans up after himself or he's out.

Not a good answer everything is going up and this will teach him financial skills for when he does move out and pay rent.
20 is old enough to learn responsibility

YANBU at all.
He is an adult and is earning. You should not be going into debt to live when he can pay his way.
I have a friend in a similar position. Her son is in his early 40s and on UC but lives with her. He refuses to give her a penny. The truth is, he spends it all on booze. Literally all of it. She wont kick him out because she loves him, but also hates him (if that makes sense). He is now saying she needs to pay him because his benefit is getting halved (which is shite). She is a pensioner.

Does your 7 year old go to school? Could you not do a few hours work then?
I agree he should be contributing though

No, its your job to raise your kids to be responsible, functioning, self reliant, independent adults. Part of that is expecting them to stand on their own two feet, just like all other animals do with their young.

I have 4dc and they are all completely different with money - ds1 (22) when he lived at home had to pay £30 a week and he always paid exactly that (low because he waz saving to move away), dd2 would have given me the clothes off her back dd1 would pay but was always late and would rather pay in kind and dd3 (18) is still at school so we'll see! I'm on universal credit and work 3 days a week.