AIBU to refuse moving in if asked to pay half his mortgage?

[HolyCheeses]

I have a small house here which I am renovating alone with a view to then downsize slightly leaving me with a smaller mortgage (I have 3 adult 18+ DC all at uni/jobs living independently)

My Boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years

Hes almost finishing renovating a huge property with an annexe for his parents. Hes asked me to move and has asked me to be very involved with decision making for the home -

Hes 8 weeks away from being able to move back in and has been asking about planning and pushing for me to give him a date for relocation . I told him we’d need to discuss finances first. His idea of fair varies massively from mine.

He has proposed we split the bills down the middle 50:50 and the same for his mortgage.

They would leave me worse off than where I am now. Having to find and settle into a new job and location is a risk as it is and I’d have no disposable income after such huge living costs

He earns twice what I do and I don’t feel comfortable paying towards a mortgage of a property I’d not have a stake in subsidising his asset whilst diminishing my financial stability.

he cannot see my point of view at all and has told me I’d pay the same in rent in a flat but that’s not the point - I’d be better off where I am

i am being unreasonable- he’s seems bereft and stunned I’m not leaping at the chance to move next month!??

Who on earth voted YABU? 😨 😟 😱

This boyfriend sounds like a cheeky twat and you are better off rid of him.
@HolyCheeses

Absolutely not unless your married or on the house deed you don’t pay the mortgage. He’s a bit of a chancer what are his parents paying?

Of course he could. That would be the sensible equal partnership solution. But that’s not his plan, is it? He is not really concerned about what works best for OP.

Came here to say my council tax is more than that. And I don’t live in a mansion!

Not sure how he managed to work out how one adult woman could cost £700 a month in food?

Would love that broken down!

My gut instinct was that he thought he could laugh all the way to the bank whilst you help subsidise his parents.

Presume he doesn't know his gravy train is staying put where she is? Otherwise he would be wasting his time with the invoices surely?

Except he said his parents wont get off scot free. I find that very worrying that someone should talk about their parents that way Its a huge red flag

No, I reckon that's half the total cost for the four of them.

But that's what is so telling isn't it?
The £150 council tax could be 50%. (what about his parents if it's one property surely it would be split between 4?) but he's not showing @HolyCheeses any actual original bills.

Then you get SKY at £180 - that sounds like the full costs including wi-fi AND sports, surely again that would be split between all adults benefitting. Or does this include a second box for "multi room" that feels like @HolyCheeses will be paying for in full? Whilst at work all day.........

It just seems like he has written a list and inserted way over the top random numbers.

Oh @HolyCheeses fuck this!

You are going to let us know how he reacts aren't you? Shame you can't post a picture of his face when you tell him.
If you can master a line drawing sketch that would be most appreciated!

Of course it is.

And if he gets difficult you can remind him of all your unpaid labour on the renovation and ask if he would like an invoice for that, obviously it's time and a half on Saturdays, double time Sundays.

From memory-
cleaner £200 per month
council tax £150 per month
sky £180
home insurance was £100
dog walking £260
food £1400 !!!

d his parents 'won't be getting off scott free' ... but their (probable lump sum) contribution isn't being accounted for as it's clearly part of 'his' half. While you fully pay 50% of HIS expensive lifestyle costs (cleaners, sky tv, dog walkers, super expensive meal plans, etc) and HIS big house. Which you won't have any rights to.

He must really think you're stupid. Or desperate. Or both.

I hope you've now dumped his sorry, greedy, manipulative arse.

Full price out of deal contract Sky may cost £180, when I forgot to sort out our Virgin Media contract when the last one ended I got charged even more than that - and it had got rather expensive at nearly £150 plus more tv subscription services than I or family get round to using - ouch - (includes broadband and a landline we don't actually have a working phone attached to!) but when I rang up my first offer was for £110 - probably should have haggled - and when I asked about my horribly expensive month, the price jump was taken off the first month of the new contract.

Is he paying this already? He really needs to ask for a better deal from Sky

Prepare yourself for the outrage that you led him on.
These man, to be honest, they really are surprisingly single minded as they age, cannot see any holes in their plan.

I have heard so many stories over the years from my golf club and from others, of these so called plans for newly widowed/divorced women.

You wouldn't be able for how shameless some of them are and what fine catches they think they are.🙄

Lovely woman, nicely set up, independently comfortable, great cooks.......of course they'd like to provide care and comfort for some old codger🤣hilarious.

Thankfully the women are largely well able for them and send them off with a flea in their ear.

The last thing they want after burying a partner, or divorcing one, is having to run after another man who fancies a nurse with a purse.

I really think you should string him along for a bit, just like he has done, to see just how much he intended to screw you over.

Thank goodness you have your head screwed on.

No one as determined as a man trying to get out of either caring for his children or parents and finding a soft woman to use.

He’s taking the piss. We have sky with broadband and loads of add ons and it is no where near £250.
Also,we have 2 dogs and a cat, three teenagers who do nothing but eat and i don’t spend that much on food.
I think he is intent on living off you; cheeky fucker

they are grown up. and one is away at uni.

You’ve got to get more figures @HolyCheeses you will be laughing about this for a long time :)
I’m so relieved you are not heartbroken!
Did you find the answers to your post enlightening or had you already sussed him out completely?

and you can send an invoice for your hours of free renovation labour - right back

YANBU PLEASE DO NOT land yourself with this debt ,he wants the big house -great -he can pay for it.
You sound settled in your home with your own finances at a reasonable level .
i don’t advise marriage to this person and I wouldn’t give up my happy little home for him .

Yes I bristled at this too

Don't agree. He's a piss taking CF - LTB.

I agree entirely! Stay where you are. If he really wants you to live with him he needs to renegotiate to your advantage.

What’s behind funding half the mortgage for a house in his name? With no legal rights which marriage affords, your contributions are at risk! I think you need to reconsider this whole scenario!

No
I found it very enlightening - there were things I hadn’t considered like the being lined up for future care that floored me.

What a cunt.

it also forced me to dig deep into my old memories and actually before I got pregnant ex behaved very similarly - lessons learned

im so proud of myself. I was late to the party but I learned to fight back and I am a survivor of such an awful marriage but im going to need to build on that to be a thriver.

I feel like ive taken off a massive fur coat covered in custard in a hot steamy room.- relieved

if already been planning to counter claim with my own invoices for the DAYS no WEEKS of design a planning that went into creating the house. It really is magnificent but I had a beautiful home in my previous life and it sucked. Lifeless and loveless to me no matter how shiny.

Well done you! Polish your lapels, you’ve spotted his game.