AIBU to refuse moving in if asked to pay half his mortgage?

[HolyCheeses]

I have a small house here which I am renovating alone with a view to then downsize slightly leaving me with a smaller mortgage (I have 3 adult 18+ DC all at uni/jobs living independently)

My Boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years

Hes almost finishing renovating a huge property with an annexe for his parents. Hes asked me to move and has asked me to be very involved with decision making for the home -

Hes 8 weeks away from being able to move back in and has been asking about planning and pushing for me to give him a date for relocation . I told him we’d need to discuss finances first. His idea of fair varies massively from mine.

He has proposed we split the bills down the middle 50:50 and the same for his mortgage.

They would leave me worse off than where I am now. Having to find and settle into a new job and location is a risk as it is and I’d have no disposable income after such huge living costs

He earns twice what I do and I don’t feel comfortable paying towards a mortgage of a property I’d not have a stake in subsidising his asset whilst diminishing my financial stability.

he cannot see my point of view at all and has told me I’d pay the same in rent in a flat but that’s not the point - I’d be better off where I am

i am being unreasonable- he’s seems bereft and stunned I’m not leaping at the chance to move next month!??

Whaaaat? It just gets worse! He was expecting you to fund his parents????

He wanted you to pay £700 per month just for food??

She has got a couple of teenage children that’s not an unreasonable amount to be fair
And probably doesn’t include his parents, but anyway, I’m not defending him. He’s a prick.

What did you dc think about this situation OP?

I know you mentioned decor of rooms, but that was surely just a manipulation tactic to swing you (and your dc) surely.

But it would mean uprooting their childhood rooms, and with young adult dc they do tend to come and go a bit before moving on themselves 100%.

She has three but they are all 18+ and live independently, so that sum isn't for them!

Yep

Why is he painting their bedrooms in their preferred colours Then? I’ve obviously missed something.

Said he had "no time" to discuss finances but had planned enough that @HolyCheeses would be subsidising costs at least for him and possibly his parents. That's subsidising rather than paying her share.

Keep hold of your own future plans @HolyCheeses

I don’t understand?? That can’t be right

To lure OP in to finance half of his manor and provide the elderly care for his parents. “But you can’t say no! I painted the bedrooms in your DCs favourite colours!”

This is nuts! 1400 pounds per month for food for just the 2 of you?!

😯

He definitely had you lined up for elder care @HolyCheeses

Sorry I can find the comment where you were unsure about this.

He doesn’t care that you also work ft. You are female, and men line up women for caring duties regardless of their working status. In his mind, he can’t do it because of his important job (obviously he can’t - it’s him - he’s far above that!) so you will have to do it.

Oh, please let us know what the other outgoings are OP - CTax / water / elec / gas / oil / Broadband / TV / cleaner / windows / gardener, etc...

Have my very first “show him the thread”

weve all got the ick. Ewwww

It’s very clear that you’d be scrimping in order to fund his lavish newly furbed house and indulgent lifestyle. Cheeky fucker!!!!

I agree that you are being lined up to care for his elderly parents as well as contributing to a mortgage for a house owned solely by him.
None of this is in your interests. Stay in your own home.

Oh please, someone that mean and dishonest hasn't a notion of paying for carer's.

You would 100% find yourself asked to help out a bit, be a team player.

I have no doubt whatsoever you are his nurse with a purse....AKA someone who does the caring duties while fully paying her way in HIS house!

@HolyCheeses I would so love to see his face when you tell him you won't be moving in with him. There goes the dream of being funded fibancially by the holycheese, he will have to clean and cook and most importantly deal with the care of his own parents. 1400 for food costs for 2 people ! Has he planned a diet of caviar and champagne? He really must think you are naive and believe that he's irresistible the cheeky fucker. So happy you are not falling for it!

From memory-

cleaner £200 per month
council tax £150 per month
sky £180
home insurance was £100
dog walking £260

Agree! So that op feels she can't back out.
Friend was in a similar situation: her ex lovebombed her, engagement ring was quickly produced, then he suggested she moves in and helps to pay off the mortgage for a massive house that he still co owned with his ex, and they will be so much better off as a couple supposedly! He was living flash lifestyle, and whilst he is a high earner, he was spending more than earning. My friend on the other hand, was on comparatively low wage (blue collar jobs) but had a small lovely house with very manageable mortgage. Thank goodness the scales fell off her eyes!

Those costs, apart from CT, because it is is what it is, seem incredibly high.

Sorry, do you even have a dog?

My DBIL is a multi millionaire and even he refuses to pay £180 pm for Sky - he always haggles and also has 2 dodgy Firesticks

What kind of s mansion is he insuring¡¡¿